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Showing results for tags 'sir'.
Found 11 results
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Biker's Dog A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy." "Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?" "It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."
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But Still FUNNY!!! Wonder if it was our resident "West by God" State Trooper???:rotf: A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
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I hate advertising! Tim Horton's "Rrrrollup the Rim to win" campaign is on. Huge sign in the store with a rollup cup and writing below that. Very first sentence is.... "No purchase necessary." (see the pic below). So, I go over to the counter and ask for a rollup cup. "what size coffee you like sir?" ... no, I said, I don't want coffee ... I just want the cup. "oh no sir, you have to buy a coffee" ... course, I say "but your ad says no purchase necessary" ... "no sir, you have to purchase" ... get me a manager! ... out comes the manager "no sir, you have to purchase a coffee .... please call head office... they will explain ... blah blah" Ok, so I walk away (after causing a mini-scene with 20 customers lined up behind me). I go online and open their rules ... sure enough, you can get a rollup cup without making a purchase ..... 2. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO PLAY: In Canada, obtain a FREE Tim Hortons contest cup and/or a copy of the official rules, by writing to: Tim Hortons Contest Cup, P.O. Box 9162 Saint John, N.B. E2L 4Y2. In U.S.A., to receive a FREE contest cup and/or a copy of the official rules write to: Tim Hortons Contest Cup, P.O. Box 1315 Calais, ME 04619-6315. ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! The display ad (pic below) could have been a bit more informative and would have saved everyone a lot of wasted time and energy. I wonder how many other people have done what I just did... (or am I the only a-hole?) I also think the manager could have explained a bit better. [ATTACH]64651[/ATTACH]
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YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD! A Calgary, Alberta senior citizen drove his brand new shiney red Corvette out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 130 km/h, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down the Trans-Canada towards Banff, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Royal Canadian Mounted Police patrol car behind him, blue and red lights flashing. He floored it to 160 Km/h, then 180, then 200. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the RCMP's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the Officer walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said: "Sir, my shift ends in 15 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir," replied the Officer.
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In lifes trials we walk thiunking we are the only ones with all these problems. I am one of those peaple anyways. Today I was humbled. My phone rang at 5 pm this afternoon and it was my wife. Weird time for her to call as it was when she was on her way to school. Kneedless to say this is when I was humbled to understand that all these things I thought were so important are really nothing. She was calling to ask me to come and get her as she had just hydroplained in her explorer. Shes not sure how many times she turned around in the road , but it was at least 1 1/2 times before she ended up turning around backwards in traffic at highway speeds. As best I can tell she was on 2 wheels and going over when the concrete barrier put her back on all four and stopped the explorer. As I siad shes safe so all the other worries are now in perspective. Laura has a little bump on her head and a head ache so Ill be watching her tonight for anything weird but she was able to walk away. The officer that arrived on scene stayed with her till I was able to get to her and I was a little over an hour away.Thank you sir as that was nice of you. My deepest thanks goes out to a Mister Steve smith. A good symeritan who not only stopped to check on her but used his personal cell to call me since Laura couldnt find hers. Sir I know you dont know me and probably will never read this but I cant explain what that means to me. Any ways thanks for letting me get this out as it all gains a little perspective as if the truck would have turned over who knows I mught not have the love of my life with me now. David
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A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.' 'Yes, sir!' answers Ole. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?' Ole told him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.' 'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor. 'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole. 'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this, and what about the third one?' asks the doctor. 'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: 'HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!' 'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor. J 'I put drops in her eyes!!
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believe Brad did it again, our youngest daughter she is 16, has her first boyfriend over and Brad accidently hits the kid opening the garage door and he even called us ma'am and sir, I know his mom a little if he didnt call us that he would be in trouble, geez Brad Naugh-T
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# 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" # 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course. Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." # 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." # 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." # 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." # 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass." # 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." # 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." # 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." # 1 -- Best Caddy Comment ..... Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
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A Texas State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, he walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's side window. The young man lowers his window and mutters, "Uh, yes, Officer"? The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'? The young man says: 'Well, Sir, I'm reading a magazine'. Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat, the trooper says: 'And her in the back, what is she doing'? The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails'. Now the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone in a car at night, in a lover's lane ... and nothing obscene is happening! The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'? The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'. The trooper asks: 'And her ... what's her age'? The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes...
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today i was out for a small ride on the bike. well turns out its the toys for tots ride today in and around my town. no i wasent in it. i was just out for a ride. i spotted a little girl selling kool aid on the road the bikes where going down.. of course they couldnt stop. planned route and police leading the way.. so i went around the block and pulled in to the parking lot next to where this girl was selling her koolaid.. i took off my helmet walked over and said how,s it going little one. she said MR biker sir. i have not sold any.i said how much i will take a large glass she said sir its 50 cents. i said i will take 2. she said 2 why 2? i said one for you and one for me. i gave her my dollar. and talked to her some more. then she began to cry.. i said why you crying? she said sir my mommy was crying today. its the first time i saw my mommy cry. i said oh . she said yes my mommy told me she lost her job yesterday and things are going to be hard for us but we will make it through. so i told mommy i will help. and she helped me set up this stand. i thought with all the bikers comming through i could make some money.. see every sunday mommy would take me to mcdonalds for a happy meal. its our special girls day out. and i wanted to give santa my list this year. well that brought a hard lump to my throat. so i thanked her and said im sure santa will know. about your mommy and things will work out. then off i went. i drove straight up to mcdonalds and got 20 dollars in gift coupons. i never thought twice about it. i went back. to see the girl and her mom putting away the stand. i asked her mom to come over and i said to her and her daughter. santa sent this as a early present. and he would like you to call this special number to give him her list.. its a number to a friend of mine in the marine corps toys for children. he said he will make it a special request for this child. so this child now has at least one special day at mcdonalds with her mommy. and soon will have a nice christmas when it comes. like i said best koolaid i ever had ..
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Ohio State Patrol clocked a couple of motorcycles speeding. The lead was going 147 MPH. There is video on this link along with the story. The quote that got me was: http://www.nbc4i.com/cmh/news/local/article/osp_video_off-duty_trooper_officer_ticketed_for_speeding/19172/ Trooper Bryan Lee: “Either one of you have anything on you I need to know about?” “No sir. A couple badges is all,” one of the motorcyclists said. They were given tickets later but not during the traffic stop. All I could think of was that if it had been me, they would have had me on the ground and cuffed before hauling me in.
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