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An elderly lady was walking on the golf course on the island of Martha's Vineyard . She slipped and fell. President Obama, who was behind her by chance, helped her to get up promptly. She thanked him and he answered: "It was a pleasure to help you. Don't you recognize me? I am your president. Are you going to vote for me in the next election?" The elderly woman laughed and replied: ''I fell on my butt ... not my head!"
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Newfoundland Declares War on the U.S.A. President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Obama" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments' calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow"! said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor." President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be gettin' back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!" Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?" Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN. Canadian and Proud of it! http://ca.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f1253%5fAIUIw0MAABg0TcaBIQsICykui%2f8&pid=2&fid=Inbox&inline=1http://ca.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f1253%5fAIUIw0MAABg0TcaBIQsICykui%2f8&pid=3&fid=Inbox&inline=1
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My Uncle sent me this, and I just thought it was funny, and sounded like the kind of President we should have! AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!! I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012. HERE IS MY PLATFORM: (1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately BANNED!!!. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can. (2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here! (3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here. (4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (5). Social Security will immediately return to its original state If you didn't put nuttin in, you AIN'T gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it. (6). Welfare. -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades. (7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... for life. (8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the EXACT price of a barrel of oil.. (10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause. (11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said EVERY day at school and every day in CONGRESS. (12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes .... nevertheless...
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The world of politics is sure going to change in a hurry! www.News3Online.com
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i will now enter my 08 presidential prediction.after the iowa caucuses.i am picking osama bama hussien lama dama ding dong for president, oprah winfrey for vice president, and dr. phil for secretary of state. :rotf::rotf: looks like another up coming political fiasco is in the making. sure would like to vote for some one rather than against someone for a change. snarley bill
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WE NEED THIS INFORMATION PASSED ON TO EVERY RED-BLOODEDAMERICAN!!!!!! 33 Senators Voted Against English as America 'sOfficial Language June 6, 2007On Wed, 6 Jun 2007 23:35:23 -0500,"ColonelHarry Riley USA ret" wrote: Senators, Your vote against an amendment to theImmigration Bill, 1348, to make English America's offical language isastounding. On D-Day no less when we honor those that sacrificed inorder to secure the bedrock character and principles of America . I canonly surmise your vote reflects a loyalty to illegal aliens. I don't much care where you come from, what yourreligion is, whether you're black, white or some other color, male orfemale, democrat, republican or independent, but I do care when you're aUnited States Senator, representing citizens of America and vote againstEnglish as the official language of the United States Your vote reflects betrayal, politicalsurrender, violates your pledge of allegiance, dishonors historicalprinciple, rejects patriotism, borders on traitorous action and, in myopinion makes you unfit to serve as a United StatesSenator...impeachment, recall, or other appropriate action is warrented. Worse,four of you voting against English asAmerica 'sofficial language are presidential candidates: Senator Biden,Senator Clinton, Senator Dodd, and Senator Obama. Four Senators vying to lead America but won't ordon't have the courage to cast a vote in favor of English as America'sofficial language when 91% of American citizens want English officiallydesignated as our language. This is the second time in the last severalmonths this list of Senators have disgraced themselves as politicalhacks.....unworthy as Senators and certainly unqualifed to serve asPresident of the United States. If America is as angry as I am, you will realizea back-lash so stunning it will literally rock you out of yourpanties...and preferably totally out of the United States Senate. The entire immigration bill is a farce...youraction only confirms this really isn't about America , it's aboutself-serving politics....despciable at best "Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag youdown to their level and beat you with experience." ~ anonymous The following senators voted against makingEnglish the official language ofAmerica : Akaka (D-HI) Bayh (D-IN) Biden (D-DE) Wants to be President? Bingaman (D-NM) Boxer (D-CA) Cantwell (D-WA) Clinton (D-NY) Wants to be President? Dayton (D-MN) Dodd (D-CT) Wants to be President Domenici (R-NM) Coward, protecting his Senateseat... Durbin (D-IL) Feingold (D-WI) Not unusual for him Feinstein (D-CA) Harkin (D-IA) Inouye (D-HI) Jeffords (I-VT) Kennedy (D-MA) Kerry (D-MA) Wanted to be President Kohl (D-WI) Lautenberg (D-NJ) Leahy (D-VT) Levin (D-MI) Lieberman (D-CT) Disappointment here..... Menendez (D-NJ) Mikulski (D-MD) Murray (D-WA) Obama (D-IL) Wants to be President Reed (D-RI) Reid (D-NV) Senate Majority Leader Salazar (D-CO) Sarbanes (D-MD) Schumer (D-NY) Stabenow (D-M ) "Congressmen who willfully take actions duringwartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs andshould be arrested, exiled or hanged." President Abraham Lincoln
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