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Showing results for tags 'doctor'.
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THE TOILET SEAT My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take shower. Before getting in sho...
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It's Hell to be Old ... OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen...
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An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?" The doctor replies, "A Ferrari. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," say...
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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "...
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Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just...
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Well, I'll be back to work tomorrow, but the doctor said next riding year looks like it will be my next.....SUCKS big time
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well i been haveing terrible knee pain in both knees. my left knee has been operated on over 17 times in just about as many years. there is now bone on bone. last night it tried to lock up? never had that before? heard a loud pop? now lots of pain. im going in for some injections. some xrays. and...
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A doctor saw his 92-year-old patient out one day with a very, very attractive, very much younger woman on his arm. The old man said to his doctor, “Hey, doc, thanks for the great advice.” And the doctor said, “What advice was that?” The old man said, “You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerfu...
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I had a follow up with my eye doctor today and he is saying everything looks good. Other than a little stinging the first day, I have not had any pain, so I have a bottle of Loratab I don't need. At this point, I can only see images of bright light, but the doctor is still telling me that the bubble...
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I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads This one should get First prize... e-mailed it to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician.
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Boudreaux, an 80-year-old South Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his every year check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?" “I stay in the swamp and I hunt and fish every day", said the old Cajun...
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An Elderly Newfie woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'...
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Just got word from my siblings in Maine. My Mom's oncologist said her fight with stage 4 lung cancer may be coming to an end in the next few months. The cancer has spread to her liver and she is losing weight rapidly. The doctor told my Dad it's time to contact Hospice and make some final plans.... -
I may have relief coming to my acute lower back pain. I saw a nuero surgeon today and he said my only really viable option is to have a Lumbar Discectomy. This has been scheduled for this coming Friday morning. He said physical therapy and epidural shots would not be effective. This is the third doc...
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Two Red Ears A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclai...
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I went to the doctor today during my lunch break. He told me I have a condition that is associated to many folks my age. It's called ... C.R.S. Can't Remember $hit
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Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had... Bubba said, 'Shingles.'...
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A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.' 'Yes, sir!' answers Ole. The doctor goes hunting an...
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An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal. The doctor says, "Gary everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" Gary replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it...
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about 3 weeks ago i came down with terrible gout attack. this attack went from my right foot to both knees then both ankles. my sister came in one day to check in on me. and i was leaning slumped over my walker. she could not wake me. ambulance and emt arrived emt.s had a hard time waking me . ambu...
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As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?" "There's a big fire across the street," the doctor replied. "We didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
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A woman goes to the Doctor, beaten black and blue. The doctor asks "What happened?" The woman says "Doctor I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp. The Doctor says "I have a good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of...
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My friend was terribly overweight, so my doctor put him on this diet. He said, 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and then repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.' When he returned, he shocked the doctor by havi...
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IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were a...
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PENSION SEX Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?' 'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.' 'Pensionsex?' 'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!' LOUD SEX A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor....
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