Trader

Some of you may have seen this before but it is too good not to share! I had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so much. (no...not those ones!) ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. Colonoscopy Journal: I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house. When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. Take it easy Doc.. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before. 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.' 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!' 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.' And the best one of all: 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Wow.....43 posts and not a single suggestion to check the headlight fluid! You guys are slipping!

Could it be the calipers were not tight? ....perhaps they shifted and binded the front wheel????? Just a thought. Glad you are "relatively" OK. p.s. Looks like your socks aren't quite big enough! (pic. 3)

I worked for a union company in Hamilton Ontario when I was 20 or so. They made railway cars. During the year and 9 months I worked there, there were 2 wild cat strikes which lasted several days each time....and a 4 month general strike. I was making 3.95 per hour at the time and when the contract came up, the company offered us 7 cents an hour We went on strike for 4 months. During that time, I had to sell my bike, give up my apartment and move back home with my parents. 16 weeks lost wages at 3.95/ hour = $2528 This was in 1972 or 73. That was a LOT of money! (STILL IS!) After 4 months, we settled for 2 cents an hour more than the original offer . 2cents: and they called that a win? I went down the road and spent the rest of my working carreer at the non union steel mill that XV100SE was talking about. No more strikes. Because they didn't want a union to get in there we were treated pretty good. They had what they called an "open door policy". If you felt you were unfairly treated, you could go above the head of the supervisor to the next supervisor and go as high as you felt you had to.

Coward!!

Everybody says that the old rubber brake lines "swell" because of age, reducing the actual power to the callipers and that Stainless Steel brake lines will fix it. Sounds like it makes sense to me. I haven't done it yet....but it's part of the long list!

Wonder why they didn't do an electric adjustable wind screen? They styling looks like it would accept it.

Long metal ones are where you slide your name on the door?

Oh Yeah? I was reading the other day that cars are staying on the road longer than in years past. So Cars must be built much better now a days. or maybe we are all just too broke to replace the old junkers~

Yeah......but they seem to want $$$$$$ to answer questions

Hopefully this posting works! Thought you folks might find this interesting. Edit: cut off sentence from bottom right reads " where you want the full pop with throttle response, but in traffic......."

I'm not much of a wrench.. On the recommendation of those more experienced on this site I just bought a new one rather than rebuild. Maybe I just got lucky...but it was easy out and easy in! It almost fell out by itself, and putting it back it was a breeze. Like I said...maybe I got lucky.

Glad you are OK. From the picture it looks like it is just the plastic, lights etc. that got demo'ed Is it repairable?

I heard years ago that Suzuki, Yamaha, Kawasaki and Dawoo all got together to produce a line of bikes. The name was a combination of all of the above. When the new CEO went to make the announcement he chipped 3 teeth and shredded his tongue trying to pronounce it!

I tend to buy LG...because of brand. I don't do a lot of research...but here's what made me a customer for life. I had a cheap GPS ($150 when new) made by LG After more than 2 years, I dropped it and it stopped working. I called up LG in Toronto (about 150 miles away) and asked if it would be worth sending it in for a repair estimate. During the conversation I told the service rep that it was way past warrentee. The service rep. gave me an account number to send it to them via UPS. I figured the shipping would just be added to the bill. UPS picked it up on Monday. Wednesday (2 days later) UPS was knocking on my door to deliver my repaired GPS. They had installed a new touch screen on it. No charge....no shipping either way....and they THANKED ME for sending it to them!!!!!! That repair cost them....I don't know....$50???? But since then I have bought a 42" Plasma TV, 2 LG Fridge/freezers, a computer monitor, and my new cell phone....all LG. I will recommend them to ANYONE willing to listen.:clap2:

Hmmm......stay away from certain types of food!

Thanks....I looked around but I just can't find how to manually input the numbers for a budget. The program will read previous year but there is none..it's a .new project!

I'm trying to set up a budget for a project in Quickbooks. I have multiple expense accounts set up and i know you can set up budgets thru the "company" and "budgets" tabs.....but I can't see where I actually input the budgeted amounts for each expense account. this is a new project so I can't use "previous year" or other historical data. Anybody?

timing is bad....but I want one for my 83 project. Is this something we can jump in on a later date?

I "retired" when I was 52. I tried running a business for 5 years which was great being my own boss.... but it wasn't going anywhere so I gave up on it when I was 57. Been totally free since then. Broke...but free! Loving every minute of it.

If I remember correctly, There are the 4 sets of domed nuts holding it on the steel brakets but also a couple(r just one?) of larger nuts... towards the center. That's all I think!

Only if you plan on dying before spring!

Arrows? What arrows?

so Earl....still glad you moved?

all they have to do is charge a premium for regular gas and discount the e-15 and let the consumer decide what they want. People being people, the majority will buy whatever is cheaper... but they will still have a choice of what they want to run.