The Marshal
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Everything posted by The Marshal
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A doctor saw his 92-year-old patient out one day with a very, very attractive, very much younger woman on his arm. The old man said to his doctor, “Hey, doc, thanks for the great advice.” And the doctor said, “What advice was that?” The old man said, “You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful.” Doctor said, “No, I said you have a heart murmur; be careful.”
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OK, so I would like to change the lighting up front. Y'all have any suggestions on what to get for driving lights for my RSTD?
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Have you tried 3M "77" spray adhesive? I would use that to stick rubber floorboard matts to my Jetski. Talk about abuse. Immersed in water constantly, gas and oil environment, lots of force and abrasion applied by feet/legs/hands. You couldn't get them off without a scraper.
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Since its supposed to be 101F on the ride home in Dallas this afternoon, ... no.
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1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead 2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool... ~ George Brett 3. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray 4. The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle 5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner 6. I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez 7. After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez 8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis 9. Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino 10. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson 11. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny 12. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan 13. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. ~ Jack Nicklaus 14. The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H. G. Wells 15. I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham 16. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope 17. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman 18. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon 19. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino 20. I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. ~ Lee Trevino _________________________
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A good friend of mine had that happen to him on the Freeway here in Dallas. It was a Saturday, and he had his family in the Honda minivan. He was slowing down for a Construction Zone, when he experienced a loud bang, flying glass, and the whole rear end felt like it had lifted up and slammed down. He checked his driver mirror and saw that all of the traffic had stopped 1/4 mile behind him. He turned to check on his kids in the 2nd row seating behind the passenger, and then discovered a helmet was against his back seat! The impact had driven the M/C rider through his back window and into his seat from behind, missing the kids by inches. Rescue cut the van apart at the back. It was totalled from the blood stains alone. And he never did learn the outcome of the rider.
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Was up in Racine WS for a family reunion over the 4th. My Cousin works for Bombardier and brought home a Spyder for us to ride. It was Billiard Red, with black accents. Ok, so the color alone makes me stand out. I was a little thrown off by the lack of a clutch and front brake levers. The shifting was done by a lever on your left thumb, forward for Up, backward for Down. Also, the creature would downshift automatically as you slowed down to a stoplight. It started easily enough, although there were some extra things to do, like set the brake, touch a button on the dash, reset the kill switch, and then turn the key. Riding it was easy. I don't like the position where you put your weight on your wrists, ala sport bikes. Wifey rode with me, and was unhappy with the forward sliding of the seat, causing her to lean on me a lot. Ha! I was not used to the passenger crashing into me, either. So here we are in Racine, Wisconsin, and where do my relatives, all riding ElectraGlides or RoadGlides, want to go? Why the Harley Dealership Gathering, of course! Now there were a lot of people there. I estimated we saw over 300+ Harleys outside and around the dealership. And I am on a Red Spyder. Oh boy. Needless to say, as I was being directed where to park, a LOT of people were watching us inch through the parkinglot. You know how you swing the bike into line with others when you park? Not quite as easy with two tires out in front of you. I had to use the Reverse to make it happen. Which was quite convenient. Had an issue getting off the Spyder. Apparently you have to set the emergency brake before you can pull the key out. Otherwise it beeps incessently. Would have been nice had my cousin told me about this "feature", heheh. But after several minutes of fumbling, we figured it out. Later after the Relatives bought their Genuine Harley Replacement Parts for the ride home, (Kidding!) I was left behind trying to back out of the parking lineup. My Wifey even took off on one of the ElectraGlides ("I am not riding that thing back" she said) As I puttered it through the mass of people, someone called out "Yeah, a Spyder! We make the Fuel Injectors for those things." Aha! That is why they are not dragging me off this strange 3-wheeler... they have family that actually works for the Can-Am plant! I was not in mortal danger! (Things would have been a LOT different at say, Strokers, in Dallas....just saying) Back to the ride. Don't throw rocks, but I was riding without a helmet. The tranny noise sounded like it was red-lining, but the tach said different. I didn't like the way you went into corners. Not leaning is just...wrong. It was very stable, and shifting was really effortless. The auto downshifting...well it was a little hard to get used to. I did find one thing that I absolutely did not like. I hit some gravel on the highway, and the front wheel slung it up around and it hit me on the arm/chest. Only happened once, but that was more than enough. THoughts: I would pass on getting a chance to ride them again. Its too easy. There is no effort, and its not a motorcycle. But if you are not comfortable riding on 2-wheels, then it would be a great way to go. I found it way more stable than the Harley Trike my MIL owned. If YOU get a chance to ride one, do so. My expressions are not doing it justice.
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Highly recommend this! LInk --> https://www.motoliberty.com/prod_detail.asp?Prod_ID=784&ImgId=2848 The Phase Change vest is made with "popsicle-packs" of a material that refreezes at 65F or below. It comes with 4 of these packs, 2 for the back and front. It feels a little bulky like you are wearing an armored vest. But it is quite comfortable. When you put on the vest, the cold temps are 'invigorating' at first, but after you have it on for a few minutes you acclimatize to the cool fabric, and then you don't really notice it. Except that you are comfortable, and not stressing from the heat. As an example, I wore this vest last August here in Dallas 5pm rush hour traffic. Air temp was around 102F, humidity was 8000%, and heat index was something found in the Middle East. Stop and go on the freeway. Lots of 'foot time'. What was going thru my mind? "Wow, my *legs* sure are warm." Heheh. I have gotten about 2.5 hours out of usage out of that high temp, and almost 4 hours out of sub-100 temps. I have found it great to wear when working on the yard, or venturing into the attic (gonna fix THAT problem this week). I guestimate it takes 30-40 minutes in the freezer to recharge. Moto-Liberty said they would warranty the ice-packs for the any damage; just keep the receipt. Woot!
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A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house. The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air. She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. "Hey Willie! For $50, would you chop off another toe?"
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In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on its head!"
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Happy birthday, Mr. One Year Younger than Me! Ah no, its just that is what "the Wifeys Impression" is. Although she is a bit more apt to approve of a future purchase after this weekend. She liked the Goldwing!
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So, to treat myself for my "Staycation", I decided to rent a 2011 Harley Roadglide Ultra. However, by the time I got finished with all my projects, I had missed out on that deal. (Torential rain, 40+ mph winds and smoke from fires limited my days to go) So, not being one to give up so easily, I saw that the guy had a HD Ultra Classic, and a Honda Goldwing. The UC had "battery issues" and if you have ever had that on a motorcycle, you know that is a dead battery waiting to happen. So I passed, and said what the heck and took the Goldwing. Now, Wifey has always said that I could not have one until I am least 60+, as it is an "Old man's bike" in her opinion. HA! I talked her into riding with me, and so we picked it up Saturday evening. Well, we put 100 miles on it when we left for dinner around 10pm on Saturday. Wow, although it is the size of a Holiday Rambler, it handles like a sport bike. Hard to tell that it had 900+ pounds on the chassis before we go on. Carving turns was a snap, one time she commented after I exited an underpass "I thought you were gonna lay the bike over..." Acceleration was excellent, slowspeed handling in parking lots and sidestreet U-Turns was a cakewalk. Uber-smooth ride. Zooming around the interstates at 80Mph was effortless for that 6cyl 1800cc motor. That said, it is a soul-less bike. I just couldn't own one. No pizzazz, no effort, no challenge. Like a La-Z-Boy with wheels. We did do another 100 miles today. The weather was 80F, clear blue skies, no humidity. Only complaint was the sporadic 25Mph winds. I already decided we are taking the RoadGlide Ultra next time... no exceptions. Shameless Plug: SportRyder Rentals in Dallas has a great selection of bikes to rent, in excellent shape, and Charles is simply great to deal with.
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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut." The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair." "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
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Seat and backrest
The Marshal replied to AD5ME's topic in Royal Star and Royal Star Tour Deluxe Tech Talk
Robert, I bought my RSTD with a Mustang seat and backrest, along with pillion. I *love* the backrest, and would cry if I didn't have it. Easy to remove, fold down, or adjust. Everyone that rides on back says the seat is good, no complaints. -
You have a Jack? I can bring mine over. Plus some tools... If Goose shows up, I figure he can bring the important part... experience. Will plan on making it happen.
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I would love to get in on this! my 2007 RSTD needs some love... I need a carb sync, and the fluids changed. I can help with whatever, and even good at "here, hold this." Just have to pick a Sat/Sun in April (9th not good) for me.
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For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child. Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back when the child was born. He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin. One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later.' he said.. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.
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This man from the Northeast moved to Texas when his company closed and relocated, and from the first he was struck by the prominence of state flags everywhere, and how Texans were constantly bragging about their history and culture. The northerner found his new Texas co-workers friendly as hell, far as that goes. From the start, in fact, they had invited him to join them each afternoon after work when they would have a few cold beers at a nearby bar. Still, they would rib him a lot with talk about The Alamo, San Jacinto, Travis, Bowie and Crockett, Hood's Texas Brigade... and yankee jokes of course. Anyway, after a few months or so, it got to irritating him and, finally, one Friday afternoon, the yankee lost his temper and cut in: "You damn Texans think you guys were created on Day One! There are heroes up where I come from too, you know," he rejoined. The Texans looked at each other, baffled a bit. "Like who?" one of the Lone Star boys finally asked. "Like Paul Revere, THAT'S WHO," the yankee replied smugly. After a bit more confusion among the Texans, one of them snapped his fingers in recognition of the name and replied: "Oh yeah! Wasn't he that feller who ran out of the house in the middle of the night hollerin' for help?"
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They should have hired these girls.... [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKCVS57j284&feature=player_embedded]YouTube - The Cactus Cuties sing The National Anthem Original Video[/ame]
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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asked them to use it in a sentence. The first student, Little Jimmy raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Little Suzie raised her hand and said, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replied, "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either." At this this time, Little Johnny raises his hand and asked the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said, "No... But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So Little Johnny replied, "Then I definitely pooped in my pants."
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An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson, I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me." "But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambino. Some day you goina come home and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?"
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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
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Doh! I thought I got it somewhere else. hahaha!
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A young woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk A carton of eggs A quart of orange juice A head of lettuce A 2 lb. can of coffee A 1 lb. package of bacon A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier on the check out conveyor belt. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated to her, "You must be single." The young woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she indeed had never found Mr. Right. She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status... Curiosity getting the better of the woman, so she said, "Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."