How would your Yamaha Mechanic compare to these guys ?

[BEER30]

How would your Yamaha Mechanic compare to these guys ?

UPS Airlines

 

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

*

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

*

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

*

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

*

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

*

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

*

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

*

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

*

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

*

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*

P:Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

*

And the best one for last

*

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from the midget.

 

 

BEER30

[Iowawegian]

Where do you come up with this stuff?:rotfl:

[1BigDog]

You know something Gene? I pick up mail outside the UPS hangar every morning and I usually see the UPS pilots waiting alongside my truck for their ride home or to the hotel. I think i'll have some fun with them now......

[WIKD]

Funny stuff. I have to agree with the no crash record. Couple of fires and some smaller sub contractors but never one of their jets that I know of and it's part of my job to know when one does. I wave to the pilots of a UPS 727 just about every morning when I run up my truck. Will have to go have a talk with them one day since their jets sit about 500 feet from my station.

[Owen]

Having spent 10 years repairing aircraft electronics in the Air Force... I can totally understand both sides... :rotfl:

[Yammer Dan]

Think I could get them to look at my bike??

[autopilot]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

Ahhh, I've seen those many times over the years and they never, ever fail to crack me up. Thanks man, I needed a good chuckle!

[Gray Ghost]

Not busting you chops on this Gene, as I understand how jokes get forwarded. But what makes this even funnier for me is imagining a UPS plane with targeting radar and IFF (Interrogator, Friend or Foe).