Name update

[Marcarl]

Just so you all are aware, and not confused,,, Steven G has been re-allocated to be @Patch. So we will no longer have to read anything from Steven G, but can, if we would like, read all the postings from Patch.

Welcome to the real world Mr. Patch.

[bpate4home]

[h=2]Gesundheit![/h]

[saddlebum]

Just so you all are aware, and not confused,,, Steven G has been re-allocated to be Patch. So we will no longer have to read anything from Steven G, but can, if we would like, read all the postings from Patch.

Welcome to the real world Mr. Patch.

Sooo now we have someone to call when we get a flat tire?

[Patch]

Guys I tell you I can hardly wait to get a new girlfriend cause, they keep me too busy to hangout with you's;)

 

I am going to heed my English Coach wisdom and post shorter incomplete explanations this year.

 

Be thankful I don't share my poetry or my short stories here....lol

[saddlebum]

Guys I tell you I can hardly wait to get a new girlfriend cause, they keep me too busy to hangout with you's;)

 

I am going to heed my English Coach wisdom and post shorter incomplete explanations this year.

 

Be thankful I don't share my poetry or my short stories here....lol

 

 

.........

[Patch]

.........

 

 

Keeping it short, Hmm

[Marcarl]

Ahhhh Patch,, don't you worry about Bum too much, in another place and another time they would have called him something that rhymes with Camelot, and starts with a T .

[Patch]

Ahhhh Patch,, don't you worry about Bum too much, in another place and another time they would have called him something that rhymes with Camelot, and starts with a T .

 

 

I think I evened the score on his horse thread;)

[RedRider]

Didn't there used to be a VR member named Patch? Sold the gauge set that mounted in the cassette deck opening?

 

Maybe?

 

RR

[Freebird]

No, that was Ponch.

[RedRider]

No, that was Ponch.

 

Ahhh, right.

 

RR

[saddlebum]

Guys I tell you I can hardly wait to get a new girlfriend cause, they keep me too busy to hangout with you's;)

 

I am going to heed my English Coach wisdom and post shorter incomplete explanations this year.

 

Be thankful I don't share my poetry or my short stories here....lol

Huh BTW, Yuzzz haz short stories

[Patch]

Huh BTW, Yuzzz haz short stories

 

 

Yep! Funny GUY

 

Last weekend my youngest and I were chatting about life in general, some of the topics was of course what we all go thru at his age...

Letting life unfold is easy enough to say but getting a young man to understand it is of course a challenge.

 

He is a gifted kid with a gpa just shy of 4. He also has my bug for writing. By the time I was 28 I had completed a book of more than 500 pages, took close to 2 years to write; of course before word processing,,,, you can imagine the spelling perplexities lol..

 

Anyway I destroyed the book one new years as my friend and I read it, his street name was "three tongues" and so we slipped each page into the fireplace!

 

Over the decades I continued to distance myself from the first life I new keeping the experiences to myself, tho the kids heard roomers, none from me.

 

One night during a dinner party years back some close friends had urged me to start writing again saying that my experience may help others..

 

That night alone and late I wrote a poem then a short version of the book; easy these days with Word, although I must jokingly mention that M.S. sent me a question asking if or why I formed my sentences as I did "was I writing poetry" lets not get upset, at the time I had agreed to share bits and pieces for development purposes!

 

Anyways my boy asked if he could co write the story character with me and I agreed.

 

So Tramp/Bum the result of your facetiousness is 2 short passages

 

written to be read fast:

Tell us about the gangsters and the mad man that fathered you

////////////////////...

Please write some more we need more find another door we need to explore just one more door

No one takes me there as when you open those doors it’s true we really want to read more

So unlock another door let us peek past into a difficult past that is rightfully yours- please share one more

Patches oh Patches how can you pause when we beg to feel more of those years you deplore

Patches oh Patches please don’t say you won’t share anymore

The end

10/01/12 inspired by Lally

 

from the 2nd book prefix:

When the noises in your head become bearable, sleep is no longer a fear, when the sudden movement of a stranger extending his arm pointing to his wrist is no longer perceived as an immediate threat; when the scent around you no longer causes you to bead with sweat; then no longer does the ghetto control your fate, you are free to make your own statements and choices; not based on which punishment awaits you. Now free to live without fear, anger and hatred. You have survived them, free to live as you choose one moment at a time; and, you will grow; stronger than most now you’ll be fine! But remember; always keep the door to those memories, well locked shut!

01/2012

Patch

Edited January 17, 2020 by Patch

[Sylvester]

Very good. I liked it immensely.

 

[Patch]

Very good. I liked it immensely.

 

 

thanks Sylvester!

 

 

Funny thing is I felt a lot of shame younger... Then one day I changed, tho it wasn't uncommon for those that knew me to say I snapped. Whatever it was and without support I found my way; developed better use for my 1 or 2 talents.

 

 

Again from the prefix:

"I would like to thank all those that shaped the man I have grown to be and that must include all, to the bad I say I have no hatred left to keep you alive, to the good there are not words worthy enough that may express how important a role you played; regardless of the time we shared."

 

 

Seems like a faded dream now;)

[bpate4home]

thanks Sylvester!

 

 

Funny thing is I felt a lot of shame younger... Then one day I changed, tho it wasn't uncommon for those that knew me to say I snapped. Whatever it was and without support I found my way; developed better use for my 1 or 2 talents.

 

 

Again from the prefix:

"I would like to thank all those that shaped the man I have grown to be and that must include all, to the bad I say I have no hatred left to keep you alive, to the good there are not words worthy enough that may express how important a role you played; regardless of the time we shared."

 

 

Seems like a faded dream now;)

 

I hope to see you published. I can relate.

[Patch]

I hope to see you published. I can relate.

 

 

Maybe I should but, there's always a but; the first book was me just after, everything was still real, the book was completely honest moment to moment play by play.

 

In fact in some ways it was recolonization that, that life was over! It was time to find a new pace, a new way of processing each day!

I was still the young man that was shaped by those first 25 years.

Somehow I had to learn to trust, I had to accept attachments, I still had to learn to close my eyes and rest "without my boots on"

 

Rest was the hardest for me in fact it wasn't till 05 that I learned to sleep without all the shutdown precautions....

 

So recently while having breakfast in a small town I encounter a someone... I'll share that with you soon bpate4home but today I have some maintenance scheduled with the Doc..

 

adios

[bpate4home]

Maybe I should but, there's always a but; the first book was me just after, everything was still real, the book was completely honest moment to moment play by play.

 

In fact in some ways it was recolonization that, that life was over! It was time to find a new pace, a new way of processing each day!

I was still the young man that was shaped by those first 25 years.

Somehow I had to learn to trust, I had to accept attachments, I still had to learn to close my eyes and rest "without my boots on"

 

Rest was the hardest for me in fact it wasn't till 05 that I learned to sleep without all the shutdown precautions....

 

So recently while having breakfast in a small town I encounter a someone... I'll share that with you soon bpate4home but today I have some maintenance scheduled with the Doc..

 

adios

 

Look forward to it. I was on a sketchy slope early in life. Before I got married at 20 and a kid by 21, so yeah real young. Early stuff caused a lot of anger issues and I still swear today if it wasn't for my wife I'd be in prison or dead.

[Patch]

Look forward to it. I was on a sketchy slope early in life. Before I got married at 20 and a kid by 21, so yeah real young. Early stuff caused a lot of anger issues and I still swear today if it wasn't for my wife I'd be in prison or dead.

 

 

And There Thru The Grace Of A Good Woman Go I.

 

A couple of things: The book if published has no answers. It is the story of wrongs made right. Also there was no time for vengeance. There was however many moments of planning, turning my teachings to match their moves then to get a step or two ahead of them!

 

I sought only peace for my family and then for myself! And so I set some ground rules and when necessary I dish out more than I absorbed.

 

So what I know for sure is, if you can say the above without reliving the memories that brought you to the moments leading to change, without anger or regret then you have succeeded; accept that! You are the better man because the challenge you faced is now accomplished tho, I don't believe that it ever becomes static: nor do I think it need be or should be. That decision is yours alone!

 

In my case I can say that even when overwhelmed I never allowed fear or the moment get the better of me passed the age of 15; in other words, I knew self control was my best weapon!

 

Maybe others will share as well? I am most interested for those of us.... in knowing how y'all dealt with that side effect of nightmares?

Edited January 17, 2020 by Patch

[Patch]

Wow you guys are a tough bunch! Its kinda of like being in a room full of bikers and X-military with Paint It Black playin in the background

 

The reason I mentioned nightmares is because that is one answer I do have and I do remember sharing that once before with a member.

Face them head on, takes a while but it did work for me and others... Try to hold a piece of the waking moment each reoccurring time then build on it till it jars the memory; then face it.

[bpate4home]

Wow you guys are a tough bunch! Its kinda of like being in a room full of bikers and X-military with Paint It Black playin in the background

 

The reason I mentioned nightmares is because that is one answer I do have and I do remember sharing that once before with a member.

Face them head on, takes a while but it did work for me and others... Try to hold a piece of the waking moment each reoccurring time then build on it till it jars the memory; then face it.

 

I didn't have nightmares but high levels of anger. I've seen some stuff more on the inhumane (now that I think more about it, the wrong side of human nature) before I even had a license for a car. BTW I had a motorcycle only license until I was almost 18. This obviously was not in war / combat. There's no way I would ever compare it to that. I had this under control by suppressing feelings in general. But, these started to come back several years ago. It was a time of very high level of stress between work and my home life. I was able to get it back under control, just in a different manner.

 

I've never been in the military as my dad, who was in the Navy during the occupation of Japan, pushed hard for me not to join. This was part of his reasoning even though he would not talk about it. I got involved with a MC 'Group' that was not only on the wrong side of the law but also not in their right minds. I don't look at any of this with regret, well maybe a little as my sons, especially my youngest, struggle with anger issues too. That, I definitely regret passing on to them. There are many things I would do differently if I could but I have accepted that I cannot change these I can only affect when I do in the present.

[Patch]

I didn't have nightmares but high levels of anger. I've seen some stuff more on the inhumane (now that I think more about it, the wrong side of human nature) before I even had a license for a car. BTW I had a motorcycle only license until I was almost 18. This obviously was not in war / combat. There's no way I would ever compare it to that. I had this under control by suppressing feelings in general. But, these started to come back several years ago. It was a time of very high level of stress between work and my home life. I was able to get it back under control, just in a different manner.

 

I've never been in the military as my dad, who was in the Navy during the occupation of Japan, pushed hard for me not to join. This was part of his reasoning even though he would not talk about it. I got involved with a MC 'Group' that was not only on the wrong side of the law but also not in their right minds. I don't look at any of this with regret, well maybe a little as my sons, especially my youngest, struggle with anger issues too. That, I definitely regret passing on to them. There are many things I would do differently if I could but I have accepted that I cannot change these I can only affect when I do in the present.

 

 

As I mention the prefix "stronger than most" I know this to be fact not wishful thinking.

A long time ago I heard these words "there is no more a Jew than he who chooses to be a Jew" those words still ring in my thoughts. I relate to it because its meaning to me was and is about the choices we make then commit to.

 

I think as I rethink thru your post you have said a lot that I can build on; and yes I can see why you "can relate". There is a pic of me as a boy kicking around I'll see if I can find it, it speaks a thousand words of my early days.

 

Now without divulging too much I can say that the courts stepped in and mandated correction periods all before the age of 15. But the hills grew taller before me and, I grew torn between what I had to do, what I was seeded with, and what I rather do. I was born into it.

 

In a story I wrote "a coward was launched into the world and the unknown" well maybe that was true early in but, that like all else changed.

 

We all stem from two seeds, in my case there was one strong good seed and one not. I know the good seed has been my dominant but the bad seed still lives within.

Every day I face this knowingly and, acceptingly in fact - I don't want to loose it!

 

Let me share this very personal problem, doing so because you shared bravely: when I am prepped for surgery they have to prep for me, I have to surrender my control, and so precautions need to be taken.

It is not a temper problem, it is a result of my first 25...!

 

I am not you but I too believed what I was told that "I had a bad temper" but is not the case, I maintain control, the explosive reaction is only when threatened. And, it does not have to be me that is threatened. I can't explain how it works within but I was videoed stopping a rape, viewed by police then interviewed and then resumed my day. It was clear that I was in complete control!

 

So, I have training and until 2 years ago I kept it as I kept everything to myself. Here's where 2 parallels meet; I would never allow my boys to display temper; they were going to break the inherited cycle, period as I had to. Today I remind them to take the best of me and leave the rest to me. Think about it.

 

If I may make another point (sorry coach) you are incorrect in regards to comparing military service to what I think I know you experienced.

The street has its evals the military has rules and consequences and,,, now at least a platform to help; it may and seems to be insufficient but people think they understand tho, PTSD is so personal so fingerprint unique that it is simply a solitude, too variable to paint a clear personal picture of, yet, it can be managed!

For others say like us there is no reset point which will correct a corrupted youth! We then have to accept and accentuate our positive out comes, and our good strengths because, a temper is our responsibility to control by not ignoring but confirming the triggers, and stopping others from pulling them, period.

 

The vets have a lot to share but often choose not to

 

You can pm any time

Edited January 21, 2020 by Patch