My New Primary Care Physician

[Flyinfool]

My New Primary Care Physician

 

 

 

Love this Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

 

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

 

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

 

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[Yammer Dan]

:95::95::95: All them workouts......

[baylensman]

My New Primary Care Physician

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

 

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Starting tomorrow i'm learning japanese and italian!!

[Marcarl]

Glad I live in Canada and am of Dutch decent. We found the perfect answer and have big families to prove it.

Our philosophy is: if the population is getting smaller, it's best to get busy and make more. A little wine and beer might help in that dept, but too much wrong exercise could jeopardize growth. If you are getting fat then you are not helping out enough, and if you think you might be getting a heart attack then close your eyes.

And you need to speak Dutch, that goes without saying. Hey, just look at the younger Dutch living in America. They no longer speak Dutch, and now have smaller families, and so now also succumb to Americanization.

Conclusion: Speak Dutch & Make more kids!!!