Words hurt

[Doug royal86]

Sorry but got to vent and cannt do it on a local level. I put my daughter in the hospital because a couple boys kept teasing her in school. I woke her up saturday morning to go run around . She kept trying to hide her arms. I pulled on out and she cut her wrist both arms. Not enough to do damage but the effort was there. After asking her what started this one of the boys made fun of her body. She is well developed for an 11 year old. Then the other told her she needs to go kill herself. She is an honor student and great in art. Just saying words hurt kids have no idea what they do. But the parents know these boys have been in trouble about every day. Trying to figure how to approach the school with out them knowing what my daughter did. She does not want anyone to know. My idea would put me in jail. Sorry just had to let it out.

[beastwood]

Bullying is a serious issue and should be reported. Give the administrators a chance to step up and address the issue. If they don't, you have other resources (such as the district office, STAR deputies, etc.).

[Condor]

Bullying and telling someone they should kill themselves are serious issues and need to be reported to the proper authorities. Trying to hide it because of your daughter's feelings aren't going to make it go away. That and the fact these boys are always getting into trouble on a daily basis, reinforces the need to do something. My 19 year old had much the same situation only in was online. Even the kill part. The Principal went into action as soon as I reported it. It never happened again. Since then it has become a misdemeanor here in our school district. Hope you find resolve in this....

[Barrycuda]

Sorry but got to vent and cannt do it on a local level. I put my daughter in the hospital because a couple boys kept teasing her in school. I woke her up saturday morning to go run around . She kept trying to hide her arms. I pulled on out and she cut her wrist both arms. Not enough to do damage but the effort was there. After asking her what started this one of the boys made fun of her body. She is well developed for an 11 year old. Then the other told her she needs to go kill herself. She is an honor student and great in art. Just saying words hurt kids have no idea what they do. But the parents know these boys have been in trouble about every day. Trying to figure how to approach the school with out them knowing what my daughter did. She does not want anyone to know. My idea would put me in jail. Sorry just had to let it out.

 

Very sorry to hear of your dilemma and as a father of a young daughter I know where you're coming from. Try to seek out examples of people who didn't have the best childhood and yet made a difference to have some role models for her to emulate. I agree that the school officials should be notified should something occur on the premed is, they would be informed ahead of time. It's a fine line between what's right and what feels right ( what FEELS right is what puts us in jail) Let her know you support her 1 million % and that she has many years of happiness and love to share. Maybe talking to the parents may help? Hard to say. Good luck with such a delicate scenario. Keep us posted if you are comfortable doing so...

[Freebird]

Absolutely report it. If it was serious enough to cause her to do such a thing, then there is a problem that must be dealt with. Your daughter needs you so don't even think about taking it in your own hands.

[Yammer Dan]

Prayers Brother. By all means report it.

[videoarizona]

Similar situation with my youngest 6 years ago. I went right to principle.... They took care of the problem at school. My daughter... well... That took longer for her to get back her self esteem. But she is now great!!

[OrlinEngh]

Yes you need to report this. I went threw pretty much the same thing with my daughter and these boys are most likely doing to others also.

Stand by your daughter have her talk with someone that deals with this kind of stuff she is looking for help.

And yes I wanted to deal with it my way but was convinced buy my wife and good friend that if I did I wouldn't be able to be there for her from where I would be if I did what I wanted.

If you need someone to talk with feel free to give me a call my number is in my profile.

Orlin

[Drreb]

As someone in Christian Counseling I would strongly advise you to tell someone in authority in the school system. Second your did the right step in placing your daughter in the hospital. Be careful though sometimes professional's use medication to quickly. This appears to be a case of bullying and your daughter made a mistake in responding the way she did. But it was a mistake. But it is clear this does not need to happen again. Prayers and thoughts for both of you!

[snyper316]

I am glad now days that it actually stops back when I was in school most of the time made matters worse. About 3 yrs after I quit school they came down hard on Bullying in School the town or county even started bringing in Cops and Juvenile Officers the kids started getting into some deep crud on the 2nd and 3rd offense. But in the early 90's most of the time it was jocks and all that would happen to them is have to sit out a game and run laps; the receiving party would get suspended from school and sometimes they would get kicked out enough to lose there credits in High School and most just quit. Took them a long time to move past it and approach people in a social level. I know the school my kids are in does not tolerate Bullying one bit. I am saddened by the fact another has attempted such a thing. I just hope she comes to you from now on and won't be afraid to come to you first.

[bongobobny]

Yup!! Yet another voice strongly urging you to TELL!!! As a society we should NOT tolerate bullying!! We don't need yet another silent victim...

[Marcarl]

I was bullied in grade school, even followed me a bit to high school. I tell you it was no picnic, and there were times that I thought of ending it all, but didn't have the know how of how to accomplish such a thing without getting hurt in the process. I was also very much aware of who I was, thanks to the teaching of my mom, and the community I belonged to, and especially scripture. We are all made in the image of the Creator and so have a very important value, lots more important than your children have because they look like you or your wife, and that has a very large importance, it's special, but not near as special as our image of the one who designed us. Now,, knowing that, it often will give us more courage to carry on, for really, we are perfectly made for the one He wants us to be, so there!.

The end of my experience came one morning when I was in-line to be teased again while I was playing marbles and had my head to the ground, words were spoken and I realized a body close by... I'd had enough!!!!!, stood up in fury, brought my right arm back and whaled my fist forward with all the strength I could muster..................right into my sisters stomach, who was coming to my aid. That didn't go over very well for her relationship with me, but in a day or so she understood,,, so did the bullys, and that was when they didn't take anymore chances.

Different today than what it was then, but a lesson that could be used.

Not suggesting that she or any bullied person whale away with a fist or similar, but to use the thought pattern. Generally speaking a bullied person attracts more bulling by their reaction. Their reaction is withdrawal from groups, unsure of themselves, inferiority complex and the such. Back to the thought of who we are, we are made in the image of the Creator, He made us all different, but we are all special and special we are, and we all have a special purpose. Somehow get her to focus on who she really is and portray that, rather than listening to others and what they might think,,,, of course that might mean listening to the Creator, and for that to happen she will have to speak to Him.

We'll keep you all in our discussions with the Creator, He might find a way to help out, if you let Him.

Sorry if this sounds religious, but there is no better psychiatrist.

[utadventure]

Our son endured bullying for several years before we caught on. Telling the school put them into action! Do it!!

 

Another action we took was to put him, and later his siblings, into a private school where he could relax and heal.

We were lucky to have that option.

 

Call me and I'll explain/talk if you want.

 

Dave

[XV1100SE]

I agree with everyone else....report it to the school and if necessary the police. Put it this way....if you don't and the treatment of your daughter continues, how would you feel if she or one of her friends committed suicide because of those boys? If you don't take action something more drastic could result.

 

As far as telling the school what your daughter did...if you told the school what the boys actions and words have driven your daughter to do they would take it very seriously.

[snyper316]

I'm kinda glad when I quit that there was no social media being in the small town was enuff just stayed home and went to work

 

Sent from my Z812 using Tapatalk

[Sailor]

Definitely report it to the school authorities and advise them if they do not take immediate action you will also report it to the police, then threaten to go public. The school authorities will take action, as soon as they quit s****ing themselves.

[cowpuc]

Yep - Prayers Up!!

Doug, it would not surprise me to find out that the Hospital that treated your daughter has already filed a complaint with the authorities concerning the matter.. Like already mentioned - a lot has changed in the school bullying issues over the years and bullying is now a pretty serious offense. A quick followup (and you should - IMHO) with the Hospital should answer that question. If they cannot or will not give you positive evidence that the ball to protect your daughter (and other children) from the bullies who are crying out for proper parenting (hopefully we all know that this is what causes bullying) then, as her Dad, you are obligated to do so - IMHO. Requesting a followup report from the Hospital and the authorities to insure the matter has been properly handled is a good first step.

I substitute taught at a local public school and know for a fact that bullying was a serious offense that was not tolerated at ANY level in our system - it was in fact one of the few things that required a student be removed and the home evaluated. The key, as usual, has to do with the type of leadership within the system, again - IMHO.

If the Hospital has failed you, your job is not to take the law into your own hands but to find the proper leader within your system who will not only hear the complaint but take the required action to nip it in the bud NOW. This is and should be 100% possible without the bully(s) even realizing who the victim is to protect your child from re-victimization. From experience I KNOW this can all be done totally anonymously VERY successfully!

Parenting ain't for cowards brother but I gotta tell ya - that precious little daughter of yours is counting ya and she deserves nothing of what she has already been thru - SIC EM!!

[Doug royal86]

I have contacted the teacher. She is a friend of mine. We are going to meet monday morning with the principal. I am not going to take anything less than the boys being kicked out of school for at least as long as my daughter is in the hospital. They say the earliest she will be out of the hospital is friday. My wife has a temper like tnt. Im sure they will see it her way. Thank you for all the well wishes and advise. I see this way too much. More and more suicides in this world . I had to take care of one 2 weeks ago for a adult male. I know my daughter heard this over my radio when I got called out. I hope this did not influence any thoughts. Again I thank you all what a great group we have here.

[jimmy99]

I had several conversations with my daughter's principal when she was in grade school.

 

Keep notes regarding each meeting you have - date, time, list of people present in meeting, general notes of discussion. Pretend like you might need your notes in the future for court and you should then be in the right mind to capture the right information. Even make notes during the meeting if you like, but if not then definitely right afterwards.

 

During the meeting keep your cool. No hothead, no cursing. Be direct and to the point, don't embelish or assume anything. Present the facts of what has been happening and let them work out their solution(s). Then follow up. Get the school board, trustees involved if the results are not as desired.

 

Your notes of each meeting may become important depending on the school, principal, policies, politics, friends of friends, etc.

 

 

Sadly, I did not follow this advice and the problems persisted for my daughter well into high school. We almost lost her at one point but things are much better now. Try to keep good communication with your daughter without being pervasive or judgemental. Just be open, accepting, and supportive of anything she wish's to share with you. Our family doctor was also very helpful with treatment options including a wonderful therapist.

 

 

I wish you and your daughter all the best regarding this.

 

Jeff

[vzuden]

The bullies need to be addressed because their actions could escalate if they get away with this. The 14 year old daughter of a woman who works for was being bullied and chose to not tell anyone. Unfortunately the bully ended up raping her. The girl still withheld telling anyone until a few months later. Authorities eventually got involved but it was difficult to prosecute without DNA evidence. It is still being pursued but has been a long journey for all involved

[Doug royal86]

looks like i need to take this to another level. The Super/principal saws she needs more prof before she acts. Then she saws she needs to move my daughter to another home room. I told her the boy needs moved he is the problem. She had the mothers ask their sons if they did anything wrong. So i guess if no one saw it it did not happen. The police told me to take it to a civil matter. Sue the parents and school.

[Venturous Randy]

You want some quick action, call the principal and tell them you are in the process of getting all the information together to present to the local news. Bulling and suicides have been a big news item and most likely would be a real big deal if you had to go that way. I bet that will get you some serious attention.

And, given that children are involved, no names will be used, other than the Principal's and I bet the school board will get involved real quick and the Principal knows that.

Randy

[vzuden]

You could attend a school board meeting also. Contact a member to see how to be added to the agenda.

[Sailor]

Jimmy99 has it right. Keep a notepad and pen in plain view and make notes on everything. Calm and cool does it. I had a problem with an idiot boss who started harassing me. I kept a notepad and pen in my pocket and pulled them out and made notes every time he started on me. It only took a couple days before he went away.