A Bricklayers Lament

[ToyOdie]

This is in response to an actual insurance claim. If you have bladder problems, you might want to relieve yourself before continuing.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

Donald Smirthwaite, adjustor

Standish Insurance Company, Inc.

473 Ogallala Ave

Sioux City, IA 51101

 

 

 

Re: Claim no. 54784

(More detailed explanation)

 

 

 

Dear Mr. Smirthwaite:

 

 

 

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put, quote ... poor planning ... unquote, as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and so I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry all of the bricks down six flights of stairs a few at a time, I decided to lower them in an empty barrel someone had left behind, using a pulley which was conveniently attached to a projecting beam on the side of the building at the sixth floor.

 

First, I procured a stout rope twice as long as the height of the building at the sixth floor and threaded it through the pulley. Then I rigged a sling for the barrel, attached it to the rope, and went down and secured the rope at ground level to a small tree, with a slip knot. I then went back to the roof, swung the barrel out and carefully loaded the bricks into it. They all went in nicely. Then, quite pleased, I went back to the ground and pulled the slip knot loose, holding the rope tightly to ensure the slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks.

 

The next sequence of events occurred in much less time than it takes to relate them.

 

You will note, in block number eleven of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Thus I was unsuccessful in slowly lowering the barrel of bricks. As soon as the rope was untied, I was propelled upward at an astonishing velocity. Dazed at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I momentarily lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

 

In the vicinity of the third floor, I collided with the descending barrel, which explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone.

 

Slowed only briefly, I continued my rapid ascent, stopping only when the fingers of my right hand entered the pulley, explaining the contusions and abrasions of the fingers. Fortunately, by this time I regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope despite the pain of my injuries, which you can imagine.

 

At precisely that moment, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground. Did I mention that it was an old wooden barrel? Anyway, the bottom burst, spilling all the bricks. Devoid of the bricks, of course the barrel became considerably lighter. I refer you again to my weight in block eleven, 145 pounds. As you may imagine, I began a very rapid descent down the side of the building.

 

Again, in the vicinity of the third floor, I met the now empty barrel coming up. This accounts for the multiple contusions and the lacerations to my legs and lower body.

 

The encounter with the barrel slowed my fall barely enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, resulting, fortunately, in only three cracked vertebrae and badly sprained ankles.

 

I am sorry to report, however, that, as I lay there on the bricks, in agony, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I'm afraid I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. Which explains the internal injuries, broken ribs and upper body lacerations.

 

I hope this explanation will suffice for your office. Have a nice day!

 

 

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Bjorn Luzer

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[cowpuc]

GOOD ONE Toy!!!

 

:think:Something is missing in the story though,,, oh yea,, its the response in the form of a Denial to Claim from any normal insurance company!! Probably would read something like:

 

Dear Sir

Thank you for the detail in your recent claim submisson. Unfortunately we are unable to pay the claim for the following reasons:

1 - your policy shows no addendum in the form of flight insurance and all injuries, excluding the injuries you received once you were back on the ground, are not covered under your policy. Should you predict future incidents like this we strongly suggest that you contact your Agent about the coverages we offer for Air Travel - we do offer some great rates in this type of coverage, most are under $300 per month and all offer the same type of great service that the rest of our policies carry.

2 - your policy also had no provision for the upkeep and care associated with buildings or propertys not owned and covered by your Home Owners Policy. While it is hard to understand sometimes why people would leave a pile of bricks in a high traffic area and cause such injuries as you received we assure you, things like this do happen frequently. Due to this, we also suggest that you consider another one of our great add on's to your policy. Ask your Agent about our "Total Incompetency Package". This policy is available to you at an additional rate of $250 per month and, as stated in the Air Travel package mentioned earlier, it too is part of our great service that we are known for.

 

We wish you the best in the recovery process of your current injuries. We would also like to inform you that your current Health policy expires in 3 weeks and, should your payment be late for that coverage, due to your recent claim we will have to discontinue your policy and our great service to you.

Thank you

[Flyinfool]

An oldi but goodie.

 

How old?

There is this sighting of the tale in an 1895 newspaper.

 

The law of the attraction of gravitation was well illustrated on Cedar Street the other day. A man stood holding a rope which ran over a pulley and into a second story window, where it was attached to a barrel containing about 600 pounds of iron chain. The barrel was poised on the sill of the window, and by some mischance the man in the building let go of it without notifying the man on the ground. Result, illustration of the law of gravity, barrel down and man up, as he retained his grip on the rope.

 

Then, to complicate matters, the barrel struck the ground so hard that the bottom fell out, the contents following, of course. And again the gravity was demonstrated, for this made the barrel lighter than the man, and down he came with a thump, and the barrel went up.

 

Then he made the mistake of his life by letting go of the rope, that he might feel his bruises, for the barrel, being heavier than the loose end of the rope, dropped swiftly downward and struck him fairly, just as he was struggling to his feet, again vindicating the attraction of gravity.

 

But the spectators failed to realize the gravity of the situation.

 

[Stealthblade]