True feel good story

[XV1100SE]

Nancy was born March 24th, 1970 and was immediately given up for adoption. After a few foster homes she found a family, or a family found her and adopted her.

 

Nancy and I have known each other since 1998 and lived together since 2005. Since we've been together, she would question or wonder if she could ever find her birth mother. Ontario adoption rules are fairly tight and mother/child have to register independently to be put in contact with each other. Nancy was able to get her adoption papers that had her birth mother's name and doing the typical search on 411 and Facebook we came up empty. Her adopted parents had some information but it was limited.

 

Earlier this year Nancy mentioned that there are "Search Angels" on Facebook who do searches for adoptees/birth parents in the hope of putting them together. For a reasonable fee they search records and whatever else they do to put the pieces together. I told Nancy to go ahead because if she didn't she would never know, and if she waited too long it might be too late to have contact with her birth mother. About two months ago she contacted a Search Angel in Ontario that appeared to have good results (from their Facebook page).

 

Over the past couple of months the Search Angel said she was making headway. We of course wondered if the $250 we sent to this unknown person was really searching or if we were out money. On Sunday, Nancy received a call from the Search Angel.

 

Search Angels find whatever information they can gather and try to contact birth family. Nancy was hoping to get family medical history primarily, but deep down, she hoped to be able to speak with her mother on the phone at least.

 

As you can imagine, when a child is given up for adoption at birth, sometimes the parent/family wants to put an adoption behind them and never speak of it. Nancy's birth mother was 16 when she had Nancy out of wedlock in 1970, a time when pregnant teenagers were sent by their families to homes in other cities to have the baby. In Nancy's case, the adoption papers indicated that her birth mother lived in Owen Sound but Nancy born in Hamilton. Nancy has been uncertain whether her birth family would provide medical history to know if anything runs in the family or reject her outright.

 

The Search Angel told Nancy that she had reached her birth mother's brother and that he said he knew why she was calling and that he would call her back. The Search Angel was surprised when her phone rang 20 minutes later. The phone call lasted at least a half hour.

 

During the call, the Search Angel learned Nancy's birth mother's married name, what province she lives in, and learned why her mother gave her up for adoption. At the time of Nancy's birth, her mother was living with her parents who had a total of ten (YES, TEN) children living at home and couldn't take on more. The father was working in a car wash in Owen Sound.

 

The Search Angel found out that the birth mother's brother (Larry) held Nancy before she was taken away, and that her mother always thought of Nancy and the separation impacted her in life.

 

The reason the mother's brother said he knew why the Search Angel was calling before the call, was that the Search Angel had tried to reach out to other family members and that on the day before the call, the family had a group meeting to discuss the calls and contacts. They welcomed the contact and put the brother in charge of how to proceed. He lives in Ontario and the rest of the family is in Alberta. The family was originally from Alberta and returned a year after Nancy's birth.

 

The Search Angel not only gathers information and makes the contact, but also coordinates contact between the family and the adoptee. Would Nancy like to speak with Larry ?

 

Based on the mother's maiden name and location, we did a search on Facebook and piecing things together found out that the birth mother's father had passed away in 1990, that the birth mother's mother lived in a retirement home, and all the names of the birth mother's siblings. Amazing what you can find on the Internet.

 

Today, the Search Angel initiated the three way call between Nancy and Larry. They spoke on the phone for 45 minutes. After the initial call between the Search Angel and Larry on Sunday, the family had a second family meeting/discussion so things are moving quickly.

 

During the call Nancy found out that her adoption wasn't a secret and all the birth mother's siblings knew about the adoption and she had told her own children. Nancy's birth mother is anxious to be in contact and so is the entire family. They have already discussed contact with Nancy and are planning on having a family get together on Saturday in Alberta and want to have a group call with Nancy while they are all together.

 

In her wildest dreams, Nancy never expected such an enthuastic welcome back into the family. She now has multiple Aunts and Uncles as well as two half brothers and two half sisters, as well as another Grandmother.

 

Nancy had told her adopted parents a few months ago that she had initiated the search thru the Search Angel. After being her parents for almost her entire life, her father was emotional and asking questions about how this might affect their relationship. Nancy's adopted parents will ALWAYS be her parents. Tomorrow night we are going to go to Caledonia to fill them in on what has happened during the past couple days.

 

I couldn't be happier for Nancy in finding her birth mother and what appears to be an enthusiastic welcoming. Even for me, this has to be one of the most special days I've ever had. I can imagine the emotions she is going thru.

 

I've been kidding her that we'll have to fly out to Alberta and that I'll call the news media to be there when Nancy is finally reunited with her mother, five Aunts (one passed away a few years ago), three Uncles, two sisters, two brothers, Grandmother, and a multitude of cousins, nephews, neices.... I kid her that there will be fifty people at the airport waiting for her.

 

We weren't planning on making a trip West again for another couple years for my next family reunion in Saskatchewan, but depending on how quickly things move forward, we may be flying to Alberta in the very near future. With work, time will be tight (Nancy just started a new job) so it would have to be a quick weekend trip. Time to start saving money and cashing in what I can for a airfare.

 

Nancy's "new" Uncle Larry lives on Manitoulin Island in Ontario and drives trucks. He is leaving tomorrow for a drive West but will be back in two weeks. We'll probably meet him shortly after his return.

 

It's been a whirlwind couple of days. Nancy still can't believe how quickly things have moved ahead after years of looking and wondering...and to get the reception she has received so far from her birth family....is more than she could ever have dreamed !

 

Next step is that during the next couple of days, Nancy will speak on the phone with her birth mother. They have 44 years of catching up to do! Following that will be a call to the family group on Saturday, meeting Uncle Larry in person when he returns, then flying West to meet her mother and entire family in person !

 

After the last couple days....all I can say is WOW !!!!

[cecdoo]

Wish Nancy and you all the best, hope the reunion is all she has hoped for.

 

Good Luck, Craig

[Ben Rollins]

Wow is right, good for Nancy. great story.

[MikeWa]

WOW is right. Very well written. This story conveys the emotion you guys must be feeling very well. Prayers and best wishes for you all.

 

Mike

[dacheedah]

congrats

[dueyk1111]

Here'z wishing you n nancy the best in the near future with the new family!!! Hope Nancy gets everything that she is look'n for!!!!

[Wade 2000]

Good for her!! I hope all turns out well:thumbsup2: Thanks for sharing this with us

[stickhandle2]

Yup, wow it is, great story, wish Nancy all the best in her new future.

 

Thanks for letting us all share in it.

[bill in mn]

:)

[awsmsrv]

I don't mean to put a negative spin on this, but, here's my story along similar lines:

 

I (& my sister) bounced from foster home to foster home after our birth mother gave us up. My sister is a year & a half younger than I. My birth mother was also 16 when she had me, 17 or 18 when she had my sister. I experienced some mistreatment in some foster homes & I actually remember it. My sister may have been sexually abused.

 

Now to back up in time (before coming back to the above part of the story) for my adoptive (real) parents' lives:

 

My adoptive parents had a daughter that was born with contradistrophy, a form of dwarfism (like Billy Barty, the actor/entertainer) that had many complications. She slowly went blind & deaf. There were times that she'd stop breathing, yet my parents were able to get her breathing again until, at 10 years old, they finally could not get her breathing again & she died in 1955. (I was born in 1954, my sister in 1955.)

 

I'm sure my parents did not want to risk having another child so afflicted, so they started to consider adoption. When I was 3½ & my sister was 2 (1957), my parents adopted us. I remember being in the back seat of the car with my sister, playing with big pop beads to go to our new home. Of course, I was not sure how this would turn out (just another temporary stay?). I didn't say a word for 6 weeks.

 

One day while playing in the back yard, somehow I hurt myself & called out, "Mommy!" I don't remember this, but learned of it later in life when my mom told me the story. She said she started to cry when I called out to her because I finally figured out that she was my mother & so her tears were tears of joy.

 

Then while I was in college, Mom called me in the dorm to tell me that my sister had decided to search out her past & try to find our birth mother. She asked if I wanted to know what she (my sister) was finding out. I said, "No". She started to tell me that my sister & I actually had different birth fathers. They were actually brothers. Lovely. I told Mom to stop because that was not what I cared about or wanted to hear. She started to tell me these things (before I finally stopped her) with tears in her eyes & her voice. It really hurt Mom that my sister had to find our "real" mother. My sister's motive for this, I'm not sure, but I'm suspicious.

 

I told Mom that she -- Mom -- was my real mother. She raised me. She taught me how to read at 3½ years old. She & Dad sacrificed a lot to allow me to play tennis, little league baseball, swimming & diving, etc., & gain the self-confidence that I lacked at adoption. I became a very good tennis player that paid for my college education (scholarship) & played some professionally, as well.

 

At both my dad's funeral (1998) & my mom's (2003), the eulogies I delivered made it quite clear that had I been the one to choose my parents, rather than they choosing my sister & me, I could not have selected better parents. I told them that while they were alive, as well.

 

The pain that Mom felt (I don't know how Dad felt) from my sister digging into her past was terrible. My sister chose a path of which my parents (& I) disagreed. I truly think my sister wanted to identify with her birth mother, since she made some of the same mistakes. I also think it was done to intentionally hurt Mom, but, that is my view. I'd like to think I'm wrong, but I don't think so. Mom & Dad didn't make those mistakes in their lives & taught us Biblical principles, which my sister ignored.

 

All that being said, I don't begrudge anyone wanting to find & get to know their birth parents & more. I'll just never understand why some feel the need to do so. Those "relations" had nothing to do with my life, other than bringing me into this world. In my case, my birth mother did me a great service in giving me up for adoption. Blood relations have nothing to do with who I am today. Yes, medical history may, may be important, but not to me. Not one more day is guaranteed to any of us, regardless of blood history. At this point, I'll take my chances. My life has been pretty darn good, thanks to Mom & Dad. Ultimately, I thank God for where my life has gone.

 

(Can't believe I rambled this long. Sorry if I've bored or offended anyone with my story. It certainly is not my intent. It's just my story.)

[daved148]

Yea all I can say is wow! I hope everything works out for Nancy. I haven't read so much since I retried.

[sgn]

As the father of adopted daughters and not "hiding" it from them, I wish you guys all the best. A search angel worked for our girls birth mother to find them. The experience of getting to know the birth mother was not positive, but them just being able to have their guestions answered about so many things has been good for them. Also meeting their siblings was good. I hope you find your experience to be good. My daughters were always told they were my chosen children and they are indeed mine.

[cowpuc]

XV,,, what an interesting, stirring process you and Nancy are going thru! IMHO, Nancy's story just reeks of one of the greatest virtuous principles known to man, that being forgiveness.. The healing and freeing of a persons very being that takes place thru forgiving one another has always amazed me.. It was an honor and pleasure to read her story and I wish you two nothing but the best in the results of your journey!!

Godspeed

Puc

[SundayRider]

I also have to say I don't see the need to find birth parents. They mean absolutely nothing to you as far as I can see. I hope it brings you all happiness but as for me if I found out tomorrow I was adopted I would not care to look and have never understood the desire to search out complete strangers.

[bongobobny]

Great story!!! Becky went through something similar a few years ago with her Grand daughter! When I first met Becky her 16 yr old daughter was pregnant at age 16. Her daughter choose life and carried her daughter and gave her up for adoption at birth. A few years ago the daughter found my step daughter and arranged to meet. I footed the hotel bill for her to stay in the area when she came to meet her mother and grandmother which was a birthday surprise for Becky! She met her grand daughter on her birthday!

 

We met her again a few years later but unfortunately have not heard from her since but we know she married and moved from Wisconsin to Texas. The fact that they were reunited even once was one of the most exciting and valuable experiences in Becky's life! I am trusting it will be equally as rewarding to Nancy as it was for Becky!!!

[ricksbike]

Great story,Best of luck to everyone involved.

[friesman]

fantastic news for Nancy and its so great that youre supporting her in her quest to find her history.. Best of luck !!!!

 

Brian

[saddlebum]

My sister in law went through a similar ordeal. In finding her birth mother she gained a sister whom she has become very close with and second Mother. The two Mothers have become close friends and she now benefits from the love of both. She could not be happier.

 

So to Nancy I say may you too gain the best and the love of both worlds.

[tomephil]

Wow, that's quite a journey. Hope all goes well but it sounds like it will.

T and T

[Marcarl]

Enjoyed every minute reading all this. Nancy,,, may you be blessed in your quest and Don, thanks for being you, and supporting her every inch of the way, you have a wonderful lady, and she has a wonderful guy!

There are those of us who would do things different, and see things from a different angle, but that makes us all unique. What is good for the goose, is not always what the gander would do.

Keep us posted as to how this all transpires.

[XV1100SE]

Nancy and I appreciate the comments.

Thank you !

[Phoneman1981]

Nice story: We are happy for you both.

[XV1100SE]

Nancy actually spoke with her birth mother today. Everything is moving forward and both want to get to know each other...exchange pictures, stories...and possibly meet in the next month. Nancy's birth mother is coming to visit her twin sister (Nancy's new Aunt) who lives somewhere an hour outside of Ottawa. Nancy and her mother spoke for about 20 minutes.

 

We went to see Nancy's (adopted) parents tonight and filled them in on what has happened since Sunday. They are excited for Nancy and we reinforced that they are Nancy's parents so they know nothing will change with her relationship to them.

 

Nancy and her mother are now friends on facebook and have already exchange several text messages on the phone.

 

In anyone's best dreams of reuniting .... this couldn't be better !

 

For those following this I'll post updates periodically.

[bongobobny]

Outstanding!!! Becky is especially happy for her!!

[Evan]

As I have been off the site for a while, I just now read your amazing post Don as well as all the replies. What an amazing story. Please tell Nancy that Anne and I are thrilled for her.