Really!

[Bubber]

And for those that just need a laugh!

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked

intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

 

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Police in Oakland, CA, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who

had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters,

officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in

the police line shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'

 

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and

forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein

 

 

the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

 

4. THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the

money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up

the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police

showed up and grabbed him.

 

5. DID I SAY THAT?

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just

couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each

 

 

man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll

shoot'....... the man shouted, 'That's not what I said!'

 

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?

A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her

contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the

doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'

 

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up

a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a

 

 

finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his

pocket. (hellooooooo)!?

 

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour

east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a

problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand

new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish. In almost every maneuver,

 

 

no matter how much power they applied it just dragged. After about an hour

 

 

of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone

 

 

there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check

 

 

revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the

out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and

pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.

He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.

 

Under the boat still, strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

 

 

They walk among us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Huggy]

Well number 8 is good BUT I think number 2 is the best of the lot!!!!

[Dragonslayer]

:doh:I think I know some of them folks

[XV1100SE]

You missed a couple !

 

Hear about the owner of a Venture web site that bought a Harley ??

 

How about one of the Venture moderators that bought a Spyder?

[djh3]

The one thing they all have in common?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They shop at Wal-Mart

[Bubber]

The one thing they all have in common?

 

 

 

They shop at Wal-Mart

 

 

NOT A WALMART FAN?

[bongobobny]

The term "Stupider by the minute" applies...:banana:

[BoomerCPO]

As big a Company as Clorox is I don't think they can make enough bleach to help the gene pool in this Country.

Boomer....who sez Forest Gump had it all over some of these dopes...

[Huggy]

The term "Stupider by the minute" applies...:banana:

 

Hey I hope your not referring to the Spyder and Harley owners on the site!!!!! But then again..........

[Eck]

Moved this thread to the Jokes and humor section.

[86er]

C S I

 

Can't

 

Stand

 

Idiots!

 

[bwk]

Only in America !!

[Barrycuda]

#2 was pretty funny...and sad:rotf:

[cowpuc]

Got a :rotf:out of em all Bubber but man that number 8,,, now that one took the cake:rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf:

 

Just pictured myself being a fish swimming under it and about choking to death from laughter as it passed over my head and thinkin,,,, they couldnt possibly have evolved from us sea creatures,,,,, if darwin was right I may as well end it now:rotf::rotf::rotf:

[Bubber]

It is true "you can't fix stupid"

I know common sense is dead, but really, do have to tell someone to disconnect the trailer from the boat before you use it?

Hard to imagine someone would do that. Even a young kid would know better than that.

[markviii]

New member here and I was going to look for couple of fixes for my recently acquired 2002 Midnight Venture but I looked in "Jokes and Humor" first......My mistake, but the following happened just last weekend:

 

I've recently retired and bought a different fishing boat, so my wife and I are out fishing and a front starts through and it's looking kinda nasty so I told her "reel 'em in and we'll get out of here". So fine, and I crank it up and hit the throttle and turned for shore...and we're getting nowhere fast. So I give it some more and nothing. I uttered an explicative and my wife said "Did you pull in the anchor?........'Nuff said. Rookie mistake. I do walk among you. And ride too, so better go fix my overheating/fan problem.

 

.....Joe

[Bubber]

Hey Joe, Been there, done that, bought the Tee shirt.

Easily done, just a lapse in memory.

Nothing like #8 :rotf:

Bubber

[saddlebum]

a young mechanic I worked with some years back, bought a boat at the boat show. They were cruising and drinking (or was that drinking and cruising ) anyway, on lake simcoe, when suddenly the engine quit out in the middle of the lake. No matter what they tried they could not get it to fire back up. Even pulled the plugs thinking they got fouled. In the end they paddled for about 2 hours to a marina. The Marine mechanic had it fired up in minutes. It seems some one bumped into the emergency kill switch. :bang head:

[Grandpagak]

New member here and I was going to look for couple of fixes for my recently acquired 2002 Midnight Venture but I looked in "Jokes and Humor" first......My mistake, but the following happened just last weekend:

 

I've recently retired and bought a different fishing boat, so my wife and I are out fishing and a front starts through and it's looking kinda nasty so I told her "reel 'em in and we'll get out of here". So fine, and I crank it up and hit the throttle and turned for shore...and we're getting nowhere fast. So I give it some more and nothing. I uttered an explicative and my wife said "Did you pull in the anchor?........'Nuff said. Rookie mistake. I do walk among you. And ride too, so better go fix my overheating/fan problem.

 

.....Joe

 

done that with a canoe:bang head: paddling into the wind, got tired, went to throw out the anchor... OOPS:bang head::bang head:

[Flyinfool]

New member here and I was going to look for couple of fixes for my recently acquired 2002 Midnight Venture but I looked in "Jokes and Humor" first......My mistake, but the following happened just last weekend:

 

I've recently retired and bought a different fishing boat, so my wife and I are out fishing and a front starts through and it's looking kinda nasty so I told her "reel 'em in and we'll get out of here". So fine, and I crank it up and hit the throttle and turned for shore...and we're getting nowhere fast. So I give it some more and nothing. I uttered an explicative and my wife said "Did you pull in the anchor?........'Nuff said. Rookie mistake. I do walk among you. And ride too, so better go fix my overheating/fan problem.

 

.....Joe

 

I did that, but it was kind of on purpose. Threw the anchor an a windy day for some fishing. When it was time to go home the anchor was stuck in some big boulders and I could not pull, wiggle or jiggle it free. The water was about 25-30 feet deep and since it was spring the water temp was still around 40°F, NO WAY I was gonna swim down there. So I let out more anchor line and turned the boat around to pull in the opposite direction the wind had dragged it in there. Tied the anchor line off on the tow cleat on the back of the boat and gave it all 250HP. It took a good 5 minutes of pulling but it did finally come loose, the force was enough that it bent the anchor. Yes I had everyone in the boat hunkered down in case the line snapped and came back fast. But I'll bet I looked really silly out there.