Trouble in Paradise

[Bubber]

Here is food for thought

Subject: FW: : Dangerous Words!

 

 

Dangerous words........ The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

 

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"

 

I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got down stairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

 

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

 

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"

"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

 

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

MY BAD

Bubber

[Bert2006]

NOW THAT IS FUNNY...READ THEM TO MY WIFE AND EVEN SHE LAUGHED AT THEM

 

:rotf::rotfl::rotf:

 

[stickhandle2]

Laughs all around.....thanks.

[RockinRobin]

Thanks for the laugh. :rotf:

[EasyRider]

Forgot, Never let your wife read over your shoulder while laughing hysterically Should have worn my 3/4 helmet at least. She laughed but I think it was because she was thumping me!!

[Bubber]

I am glad you find such humor in my daily pain of life experiences! :rotf:

 

Bubber

[Huggy]

Sounds like my weekend!!

[RandyR]

should this be moved to the jokes section or the memorial?

 

[Barrycuda]

Entertaining indeed.

[Huggy]

If we moved everything that was funny to the joke and humor section the "Watering Hole" would be empty all the time!!!!!

[midnightrider1300]

Here is food for thought

 

Subject: FW: : Dangerous Words!

 

 

 

Dangerous words........ The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

 

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"

 

I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got down stairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

 

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

 

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"

"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

 

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

 

 

MY BAD

Bubber

 

 

You sure you aint married to my EX?????

[Brake Pad]

I take it you've met my wife:rotf:

[Dragonslayer]

I am glad you find such humor in my daily pain of life experiences! :rotf:

 

Bubber

pretty much makes me chuckle....just saying

[Hazenson]

rofl great stuff!

[ricksbike]

now that's some funny stuff--LMAO.

[JohnT]

I take it you've met my wife:rotf:

I actually had to check to be sure that I didn't post that.