i am broke busted and Divorced

[pmelah]

hello everybody sorry i havent been on here much if any at all lately i have had some real major problems at the house with the family and didnt want to get everybody's sympathy card this is my 2nd divorce where do i keep going wrong anyway for those that have my # please delet it as the phone is off sorry but cant afford to pay that bill cable has been off for the last year who needs it power just got turned back on after beeing off for 3 months and i was on the street for a little while and will be when i have the papers in hand well out of this divorce i get to keep my bike and my cloths and some tools she gets the house because of the kids the suburban (kids)and everything else (kids) and i get me and my bike :rotf: oh and my cheap unemployment check for the moment so now its time for a new beginning a new place and job my friend unofficial girlfriend is moving to Greenville SC and i think thats a great place been there many times and my niece lives there so i may just head up that way but i will need to work quick it gets cold there and i think white stuff falls too or is that dandruff :rotf: ok i am keeping a good attitude about this despite all of what has happened with my accident loss of job and broke leg and divorce i may be broke but i will get back up and move on to start over man im getting to old for this but what can ya do .... get up and start over is all i can do ok i will try to have a phone back on soon but no guarantees and to those that have helped me in the past i do thank you from the bottom of my heart for the help i will stay intouch somehow love yall ttyl

[tufftom4]

I hope things work out for you and stay positive.

 

Tom

[Yammer Dan]

Keep head up Paul. I went thru it twice!! Both times I got out with nothing. Got luckly once and got to keep bike. Other time bike was down at time and sister sold it! Ain't that Great!!!

At times like this just keep thinking. It has to get better it damn sure can't get much worse!! I really got luckly the last time (my 3rd). The Warden is a keeper!!! IF I DON"T BUY ANY MORE BIKES!! Hang in there Buddy.

[uncledj]

Buddy of mine's been through it at age 40, and now at 50, he's back on top and doing better than ever.

Hang in there, work hard and don't do anything stupid, and you'll be OK....just have to get through the hard times.

If ya think about it, it's the hard times that make us who we are.

Best of luck to ya.

[86er]

Bubba told me that a friend of his got a Venture for his wife.......Said it was the best trade he ever made! :rotf:

 

Hang in there buddy; and there are some great VR members in and around Greenville. Not to mention, that is one of the closest Jack-In-The-Box restaurants to Atlanta!! mmmmm Fried Tacos!

Let me know when you get settled and I'll ride up and buy you a few.

[XV1100SE]

Since you've already been thru this once before you know this low is only short term. Getting out of a marriage that you weren't happy in is always the positive.

 

Keep your attitude positive, go with the flow, and around the next corner is your pot of gold.

[Galapagos]

This to shall pass. I have been in you situation twice also. The first divorce just about killed me. The second we stayed friends. Greener pastures are in the future, just be patient.

[Snaggletooth]

Hang in there buddy. It all comes around. Been married and divorced twice myself. Got the science of it figured out. Got married the first time pretty young and it didnt last long. Waited 20 years to get married again. That lasted twice as long as the first one.

 

So following the basics of math i need to wait 40 years to get married again. So in another 19 years ill be back on the market.

 

Probably be dead by then.

 

Whew. My figures may have saved my butt on this one. LOL.

 

But take care and hang in there. I know what you're dealing with.

 

Mike

 

From my Droid wherever I may happen to be at any given moment.

[Eck]

No matter how hard it gets Paul, don't forget the kids.....

[bongobobny]

Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt Paul! Wife 3 and I celebrate 24 next month!

 

Keep in touch my friend, we will all be worried about you!

[Eck]

Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt Paul! Wife 3 and I celebrate 24 next month!

 

Keep in touch my friend, we will all be worried about you!

 

 

 

Me to Paul........ Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt..!

Wife 3 and we celebrate 19 years this coming November. (3rd time is a charm...they say)

[bryan52577]

Well I am not sure what the laws are there where you live. In Iowa "as long" as you are still married it is 50% to 50% here in Iowa.

I was instructed by my "attorney" that I could sell every thing and as long as I give her half, everything was good. Well I didn't cause I wanted to do the "right" thing.

Well as it turns out YES I could have sold it to a friend for $5.00 and gave her $2.50. The friend would sell it back to "me" after all paperwork and court dealings were done for a $5.00 profit. And according to the judge, "he said" as long as we were still married I could do anything I wanted to "our" stuff cause it was still my stuff too. BUT she would be entitled to 50% of what ever I sold it for.

Trust me I will remember if it ever happens again.

 

Bryan

[BoomerCPO]

Been there and done that in 2010.

Stay strong and keep in touch with the good folks here...They were a lifesaver for me in 2010 and I mean that literally.....they kept me from going so far as to eat my gun during my darkest days of 2010.

I got lucky that year too...Met my Donna and we married in Feb of this year.

Boomer....who sez when one door closes another door opens eventually.

[Squidley]

It's been quite a ride Paul, I know that 1st hand with you. The messy parts over with, move on with what you have and let it go. I did that with my 1st wife, gave her all of it. Took my belongings, my bike and truck, as many have mentioned it will pass. If you need something keep my # handy, I know we will talk again. Take care of yourself my friend and here's to a new, better beginning

[syscrusher]

In my state you would have gotten a more even split of property too. You could try selling everything and offering the wife half the proceeds. You could also get some decent debt going on the joint accounts which would be hers to share. I wonder if a better lawyer could help you out? You may feel that you're doing the right thing for the kids by not insisting on a fair split but they will probably be alright even if you don't get taken to the cleaners. Fight for your rights, get custody of the kids and see if your wife lets YOU keep the house, car, bank accounts, etc.

 

Get mad, then get even - 50/50!

[cowpuc]

If you are talking about Greenville SC (strange but we have noticed that every state in the union has a Greenville ),, its a nice place.. Daughter lived there for 7 years, lots of great riding down yonder AND lots of really good people!!

Keep your chin up, sounds like better days are coming,,,, and hug those kids when/if you can - its gotta be very hard on them too!!!

Puc

[IronMike]

So, basically she said, "Me or the bike!" And you said, I gotta go pack the bike for SC.

Yea you did the right thing. Looks like it was 50 50 to me, you got half of the house, she got the inside, you got the outside.

I normally don't give out relationship advice, but since no one knows me, ha, read this in regards to your new Girlfriend.

A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous to some and none of us realize the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75 year old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

Marriage was the most expensive way I ever got my laundry done for free.

Keep it cool with the kids, never talk her down with them. Keep the bike ready to go.

[Snaggletooth]

Marriage was the most expensive way I ever got my laundry done for free.

 

What? Wait! I just realized how screwed up my marriage was. Lol

 

 

 

From my Droid wherever I may happen to be at any given moment.

[RedRider]

You know why divorce is so expensive?

 

 

Because it's worth it.

 

RR

[XV1100SE]

You know why divorce is so expensive?

 

 

Because it's worth it.

 

RR

 

Totally agree !

[BigLenny]

PMELAH,

 

Where do I begin? I don't personally know you, other than our conversations we've had here on the forum. Even if I had met you face to face at some bike gatherings, I wouldn't be able to say that I "know" you. So, given that fact, I am not going to lie to you and tell you that I know things are going to get better for you. I would hope and pray for you that they will, but that will all depend on how you react to this tragic period in your life.

 

My wife and I have been married 31 years. That's amazing considering that between my mom and dad, and my wifes mom and dad, there have been 16 marriages. During my youth, everytime I turned around there was a new step father or step mother coming into my life. I have so many step and half siblings now its ridiculous. My wife has the same story from her youth.

 

When my wife and I were married 9 years, we separated for 9 months. We were sick of each other, and had become pretty adept at pointing fingers of blame at one another. I got a lawyer and started down the road of divorce. During that period of separation, through a friend of mine, I made acqaintance with a pastor of a church my friend was attending. I went to lunch with this pastor and I was able to tell him "my story" and what my wife had done, and why I was filing for divorce. His response to my pity party story was shocking, and at the time was a slap in the face to me. He told me that I needed start praying for an answer as to what I had personally done to cause my marriage to fail. He told me to earnestly seek it with an open mind and heart. He explained to me that women are attracted to "real" men. He said it's obvious I was not being a real man in some areas of my life. Look, I'm 6'6" tall, ex athlete, been known to be brash when I need to, ran multiple buinesses, telling me that I wasn't a "real man" didn't sit well with me. I would've been a lot more comfortable if he would've talked about the wrongs my wife had done. Well, for some crazy reason I listened to him and started down the journey of trying to find out what my short comings were. To my surprise, a revelation of who I was, and who I needed to be started flooding in my heart and mind. The changes I put in place saved my marriage, and certainly caused me to not be a victim of the generational curses that had plaqued my parents.

 

So, I can't tell you if your life will get better or not. You might just blow through this bad period and never personally learn what you need to, and wind up in another divorce someday. 3 things I want to address from your post and then I'll shut my pie hole:

 

1. You mentioned kids. The kids didn't asked to be brought into this nasty world. And they certainly didn't ask for you and your wife to screwup their lives by blowing your marriage apart. Sadly, they're innocent bystanders that will suffer more ways than one from this for the rest of their lives. Moving out of town away from them is a definite no no. You should be in their lives constantly to make sure they stay stable. It will pay off in the end for them and you.

 

2. The girlfriend. What? Really? Go ahead and dream up whatever explaination you would like, but the truth is it's gonna be in your kids minds that you chose moving to Greenville with the girlfriend over staying close to them. Think about it.

 

3. "Where do I keep going wrong?" This statement almost goes unnoticed in your post because of all the other stuff, but I encourage you to slow your mind down and truly go on a journey to find the real answers to this question. Who knows, you might do like me and find out your not even close to being the "real man" you should be that it takes to be a great husband, father, person. It sure changed my life for the better.

 

Anyway. Enough of my opinion. Keep your spirits high. Take your steps carefully. And, my number is in my profile, give me a call if you need to talk.

 

Good luck.

[buddy]

Been there as well

 

I tried to save my first marriage but it don't pan out I took the kids when they were little and did not date nor look because I had two kids to raise -three year span - then one day a lady walked in to have her car work on after words she called me at work for a date OK I said but I'm busy right now will call back later

So we went out on a date mind you I had a 76 firebird that look like it came from a junkyard but ran good dint bother her any heck it ran good so we dated for 5 yrs before we married which is Peg - Snowflake last week was our 19 Wedding Anv.

As for my ex.wife she's been married three times and last count 10 boy friends

Hang in there don't give up !!

[b2dad]

well, I see all you guys with YOUR side of the story. Both good and bad. My (woman's) side? Don and I have been married 41 years. This is my first. This is his 3rd. Who knows how to do it right or wrong? I almost think it's hit or miss. How hard do you want to work at it? Has the other person done something you can forgive and go on? There's always 2 sides to every story and no one is perfect.

 

YOU have to answer that. If you are sure it's over. then make it OVER. And go on. Please don't forget the kids. I see too much of that in my line of work.

 

Hope you can pick up the pieces and start over and be happy. It's no one's business but your own.

[syscrusher]

re: BigLenny's post:

That's one way of looking at it but I couldn't disagree more. It amounts to kicking a guy when he's down already. He has a right to try being happy with his GF and he should still be able to stay in his kids life without being right there to babysit whenever the ex has a hot date or whatever utility he can provide for her. If putting his life on hold to watch his kids grow up is what he wants it's his choice. In my view, my neice and nephews lives were not enriched by being caught in the middle between my sister and her ex bickering over every little thing and distance would probably have been best. Just my perspective. Being right there is no guarantee that the kids end up thinking he's a swell guy in the end. Sometimes less frequent but better quality contact is more.

[BigLenny]

re: BigLenny's post:

That's one way of looking at it but I couldn't disagree more. It amounts to kicking a guy when he's down already. He has a right to try being happy with his GF and he should still be able to stay in his kids life without being right there to babysit whenever the ex has a hot date or whatever utility he can provide for her. If putting his life on hold to watch his kids grow up is what he wants it's his choice. In my view, my neice and nephews lives were not enriched by being caught in the middle between my sister and her ex bickering over every little thing and distance would probably have been best. Just my perspective. Being right there is no guarantee that the kids end up thinking he's a swell guy in the end. Sometimes less frequent but better quality contact is more.

 

Very good point. However, I realize now, after looking at my post again, it comes across as me suggesting to him to not have a girlfriend. I worded that wrong. I fully believe he should have one if it helps him heal, but moving off to another state with her while the kids are left with one parent to pull the daily load of raising HIS kids, is in my opinion a no no. Additionally, you are very right that having exes bickering back and forth is obviously not good for the kids. I probably should've stated if he stays in town, DON"T BICKER WITH THE EX. Not really sure what you meant by "putting his life on hold". I've never really thought of staying close to your kids, being there for them as they experience growing up, assisting them with challenges they might face as, "putting ones life on hold."