Red Skelton

[Trader]

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this . For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humour was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liner's' from the man who was known for his clean humour.

 

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE

FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

 

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

 

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

 

3. I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back.

 

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

6. She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

 

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

 

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

 

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late

for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

 

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

 

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name was ' Always'.

 

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her.

 

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

 

I love it. These were the good old days when humour

didn't have to start with a four letter word.

It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words,

 

"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face

[aspen60]

Thank you for the humor, just what i needed!

[Howard B]

There is a show in Branson, Mo. where a man ( forgotten his name ) goes on stage and commences to apply make-up and costumes and makes himself "Red Skelton". He knew skelton when he was alive and knows his widow. She gave him permission to create a show mimicking Red Skelton. It is one fantastic show and will have you rolling on the floor laughing. I highly recommend it.

[dueyk1111]

Wonderful comedian, loved him as a kid grow'n' up! have a bunch of his shows on vcr tapes! they sure broke the mold after they made him!:thumbsup2:

[KarlS]

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name was ' Always'

 

Still one of my favorites.

[Yammer Dan]

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name was ' Always'

 

Still one of my favorites.

 

I got her sister. Thank god she don't read this often!!!

[TDunc]

Yes I'm old enough. And yes I think he was one pf the most intelligent comedians that there has been.

 

Look up on you tube his rendition of the pledge of allegiance. The best!!!

 

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

[Marcarl]

Thanks Steve, that was good to remember. Yes, humor can be had without the s word.

[Yammer Dan]

Red was GREAT!!!

[Yamamike]

Truly one of a very select few.

 

BTW Dan...he still is GREAT!!

[TDbiker]

There is a show in Branson, Mo. where a man ( forgotten his name ) goes on stage and commences to apply make-up and costumes and makes himself "Red Skelton". He knew skelton when he was alive and knows his widow. She gave him permission to create a show mimicking Red Skelton. It is one fantastic show and will have you rolling on the floor laughing. I highly recommend it.

 

I believe you're talking about Tom Mullica...

[Howard B]

You could be right , it's been a few years since we were there.