Your worst family recipes are.......?

[Snaggletooth]

The first time I was invited for a family meal with my new girlfriends family I should have taken foot and kept going. The message was clear. You will die with these people.

 

The invite was for a Christmas Eve dinner. I was informed they make their traditional family recipe Chilli. I love Chilli! Not going to miss out on that.

 

But as I had the chance to watch my future Mother-in-Law and her two daughters prepare the meal I had some serious concerns.

 

6 quarts of water in a pot and bring it to a rolling boil. (measure carefully)

 

Once at full boil add 2 pounds of hamburger to the water. (raw, not browned. Straight from package)

 

Once the meat started to dissolve add one can of stewed tomatos. (undrained)

 

Then add one can of beans. (also undrained. Didn't seem to matter what kind to them)

 

Watching this I asked about how much onion they would add. No... no onion.

 

As this concoction came back to a boil they added a full bottle of Ketchup. (for color)

 

I set the salt and pepper on the counter and they put it back on the table without using it. (add one dirty look)

 

Ok, that's pretty much it.

 

Being the daughters new boyfriend I was polite. I took the bowl offered to me. I did add quite a bit of salt and pepper and asked if they had any chile powder. I tossed in about half a jar of that and it got me though the meal.

 

The m-i-l did ask me if I had any suggestions. "Cheese. Cheese on top would be good."

I can charm anybody. I think I hurt myself that evening trying to swallow.

 

 

But Christmas day they had me back. The new m-i-l asked me to check the ham in the oven. I was pleased to be asked. When I opened the oven door, there it was. A huge spiral cut 7.5 pound ham sitting there roasting away in its original factory packed Mylar bag. It was expained to me that it keeps it moist that way.

 

News to me.

Edited March 11, 2013 by Snaggletooth

[Bubber]

Run don't walk RUNNNNNNNNNN!

My MIL used to do turkey in a paper bag and it was good.

Plastic? I don't think so Tim!

[Flyinfool]

I have already explained what I will and will not eat to the MIL.

 

I still have not found anyone that did not like my cooking. Even when I make something they thought they don't like. As long as they ate it before they found out what it was.

 

I guess either my taste is adequately varied or I've been lucky. No one ever made me anything real scarey, But I aint never going to Iceland......... That food that I have heard of scares me.

[Snaggletooth]

I should have known better if I had been informed earlier that these people thought lukefisk was the highlight of tasty treats. At least they didn't put that in the chili.

[Wade 2000]

I could loose a lot of weight in a family like that:fatsmiley: The wife came from a family that was taste bud challenged. I taught her about spices and herbs and she took it and ran. We now have our own herb garden and she can cook as good or better than me.

[dacheedah]

in my chili pot I make 4 dumps and through the process use an entire bottle of chili spice, and it takes a minimum of 5 hrs. Not a drop of ketchup makes its way into chili.

 

just sayin

[Snaggletooth]

in my chili pot I make 4 dumps....

 

just sayin

 

Is that after the chili?

 

Just askin'

 

[Phoneman1981]

Made me laugh!!!!

[uncledj]

I remember as a child how my parents would rave over this translucent, gelatinous yuck they'd keep in the fridge.....pigs feet.....nasty....

And then every once in a while Mom would make this cold, pink soup. I can't remember what that stuff was called. It actually had ice cubes in it. Had a few episodes of not leaving the table until my plate was clean. lol.

Dunno how I grew up so big and strong.

[bongobobny]

Hamburger in Chili????? Oh! Chili Con Carne aka Mexican Chili.

 

I make authentic Texas chili with chunks of beef pan seared with olive oil. I do not water down my chili either. I use tomato sauce, not paste and water. I use several different varieties of beans, drained, in my mix. Lately I've been using diced tomatoes rather than crushed. Plenty of onions too! Chili powder, cumin, red pepper, etc. Some times I add sliced green olives. It cooks in a crock pot on low all day...

[Snaggletooth]

Had a few episodes of not leaving the table until my plate was clean. lol.

 

Had a few of those myself when I was growing up with my moms cooking. Spent more than one night sleeping on the edge of the kitchen table. We didn't have a garbage disposal or a dog. I was stuck with it.

[Snaggletooth]

Hamburger in Chili????? Oh! Chili Con Carne aka Mexican Chili.

 

This stuff would have been an insult to Mexican Chili.

 

Needed a strainer to find a lump.

 

I'm like you Bob. You should be able to eat chili with a fork.

[Sailor]

When I was young and horny, long, long ago, I used to make up excuses not to go to my girlfriends house for dinner. Her mother had no idea how to cook. It was all Ye Olde English style, boil it for six hours then boil it some more, regardless of what it was. My wife, "She Who Must Be Obeyed", has two sisters who must also be obeyed. When they get together to cook a dinner the knives come out and orders and counter orders fly. Dissent and rebellion are the order of the day. Us cowardly men go and find a safe pub to hide in. Somehow the meal always ends up being fantastic and with hardly any blood or broken dishes in sight.

I love going to Aunties place in England. She is real old school. The gentleman gets served a before dinner drink, the gentleman gets seated first at the head of the table, the gentleman gets served first, the gentleman gets served an after dinner drink while the ladies clear the table and clean up. There is usually steam coming out of SWMBO's ears by the end of it. Unfortunately it is Olde English cooking...boiled for 6 hours. One time Janet, her two sisters and myself were all there for dinner. There was so much steam you would have thought you were in a sauna.

[Howard B]

I too have suffered the stay at the table until your plate is clean syndrome. Mom would sit there with me just to be sure. Once she fell asleep while waiting for me to finish my plate of "goulash". ( my nemesis ) I very stealthily got up, walked to the water heater closet and deposited my entire plate of stuff on the floor under the heater. As i stood up and turned around I noticed my mothers eyes were no longer closed. I was not allowed to listen to the Green Hornet on the radio that evening. Did I just give my advancing age away? I have since learned to actually enjoy the stuff.

[StarFan]

I have already explained what I will and will not eat to the MIL.

 

But I aint never going to Iceland......... That food that I have heard of scares me.

 

Come on Jeff !

 

You don´t know what you are missing. When Big Tom was there in July 2011 I had trouble keeping him away from the Shark. He was swallowing it like Icecream on a hot July afternoon. I even promised him to bring some to his Rallie in Chaffee NY, the coming August. I will save some for you if I can sneak a piece away before Tom grabs it all.

[Snaggletooth]

Jonas, refresh my memory......

 

Isn't that shark dish fermented?

[StarFan]

Jonas, refresh my memory......

 

Isn't that shark dish fermented?

 

You bet

[Freebird]

From what I was told...fermented is putting it kindly. The word I heard was ROTTEN!

[StarFan]

From what I was told...fermented is putting it kindly. The word I heard was ROTTEN!

 

Well, we Icelanders tend to put things mildly ! We have to think about the tourist trade. Who would come to Iceland if you would advertise:

COME TO ICELAND AND TASTE OUR UNIQUE ROTTEN SHARK !

 

We have enough trouble with the pressed sheep balls !

[cecdoo]

Well, we Icelanders tend to put things mildly ! We have to think about the tourist trade. Who would come to Iceland if you would advertise:

COME TO ICELAND AND TASTE OUR UNIQUE ROTTEN SHARK !

 

We have enough trouble with the pressed sheep balls !

 

 

Gulp:yikes: yeah who would come to Iceland for sheep nutz:bang head::bang head:

[Snaggletooth]

You bet

 

I might have to look into the recipe for that. My old fishing buddy makes his own catfish bait and it wasn't panning out very well last year. Last time he opened a jar of that in the boat I swam back to shore. The shark sounds like it might do the trick.

[SilvrT]

One of my ex-girlfriends served me her fav dish ... creamed peas. The recipe: 1 can of peas (the worst taste on the earth to begin with), 1/2 cup mix of corn starch/water, heat peas to boiling and add the mix to thicken. YUKKKKKK!!

 

My ex-m.i.l. cooked everything beyond recognition. Steak cooked so long you needed a hammer and chisel, veggies cooked to mush .... YUKKKKK!!

 

My ex-wife followed in her mom's footsteps and her fav was mashed potatoes smothered with butter and ketchup .... YUKKKKK!!

 

Notice I've used the prefix "EX" here .... LOL

[BIG TOM]

Come on Jeff !

 

You don´t know what you are missing. When Big Tom was there in July 2011 I had trouble keeping him away from the Shark. He was swallowing it like Icecream on a hot July afternoon. I even promised him to bring some to his Rallie in Chaffee NY, the coming August. I will save some for you if I can sneak a piece away before Tom grabs it all.

 

 

 

I love Icelandic food...!!!! the shark....not so much..........but I would try it again....When in Rome......Jonas bring some whale meat with you....!!!! yum yum !!!! Yeah, bring a slab of that with ya...

[BIG TOM]

Gulp:yikes: yeah who would come to Iceland for sheep nutz:bang head::bang head:

 

 

 

 

Ahhhhhh....you !...taste like chicken nutz....don't let Jonas scare ya off....Icelandic food is wonderful......ps....sneak a jar of peanut butter in your luggage....you'll be fine.

Edited March 11, 2013 by BIG TOM