I dedicate this to Big Tom

[saddlebum]

Subject: Fwd: Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler(from the Psyc Ward of the Saint John Regional Hospital).

 

December 8 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took

our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes

drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we

felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

 

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch

of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place

in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled

for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our

driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and

closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry -

we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on

Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much

snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see

snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm

glad he's our neighbor.

 

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20.

The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I

warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The

snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't

realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get

back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

 

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires

for the wife's car and 2

extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case

the electricity goes out. I think

that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

 

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in

the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The

wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

 

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go

anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to

pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but

stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I

should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to

her. God I hate it when she's right . I can't believe I'm freezing to death

in my own living room.

 

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of

the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all

day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to

shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're

lying.

Called the only hardware store around to see about

buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have

another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob

says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think

he's lying.

 

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't

melt till August. Took me 45 minutes

to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I

had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and

dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to

hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of

the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

 

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.

The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house

this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a

month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

 

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke

the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I

ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that snow

plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and

beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he

hides around the corner and waits for me to finish

shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100

miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just

been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas

Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too

busy watching for the d*** snowplow.

 

December 25

Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn

slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God,

I hate the snow!

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation

and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife

says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking

idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one

more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

 

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It

was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

 

December 27

Temperature dropped t o -30 and the pipes froze;

plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he

only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

 

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The ***** is

driving me crazy!!!

 

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or

it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he

think I am?

 

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver and now

he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the

beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the

broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to

her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

 

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more

shoveling.

 

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed? :banana: :banana:

Edited September 21, 2012 by saddlebum

[Stanman]

Winter is coming. Something to look forward to isn't it. I freaking hate winter.

[Hummingbird]

If our winter here in Ohio is close to last year, I'm gonna be happy. Can't ride but I didn't have to shovel any snow, that's a GREAT big plus.

 

OK - maybe I should have shoveled some snow but there's a guy around the corner that needs a little income everyonce in a while and it just happens to coincide with snowfall

[Flyinfool]

Even though I live in Wisconsin I only had to shovel my driveway one in the last 30 years.

That was 2 years ago when we had 52 inches in one storm plus a 30 mph wind just to make it interesting.:snow2:

 

Ya I still like snow..... :duck: :duck:

[Black Owl]

Ya I still like snow..... :duck: :duck:

 

... and toothaches, broken bones.... etc etc...

[BIG TOM]

ITS ONLY SEPTEMBER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD !!!!! You have all winter to bust my onions.....Do you need to start now? You know how much 'I HATE SNOW" so cut me some slack huh?

[Dragonslayer]

ITS ONLY SEPTEMBER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD !!!!! You have all winter to bust my onions.....Do you need to start now? You know how much 'I HATE SNOW" so cut me some slack huh?

I don't why snow bothers you so much. On the one or two occassions when it happens down here in the sunny south every couple of years. we just put on our sweaters and go out and throw a snow ball or two. That's if we can gather enough on the car hood to even make a snow ball. But, everyone enjoys the day off from work or school because the whole state shuts down at the mere mention of the 10% possibility of an 1/8" accumulation on the evening weather report.

 

At the most we might have to delay our motorcycle ride till about 10:00 am or so to give the sun time to melt it and the roads to dry.

What's a snow plow and why would you need a shovel for snow?

[Flyinfool]

I don't why snow bothers you so much. On the one or two occassions when it happens down here in the sunny south every couple of years. we just put on our sweaters and go out and throw a snow ball or two. That's if we can gather enough on the car hood to even make a snow ball. But, everyone enjoys the day off from work or school because the whole state shuts down at the mere mention of the 10% possibility of an 1/8" accumulation on the evening weather report.

 

At the most we might have to delay our motorcycle ride till about 10:00 am or so to give the sun time to melt it and the roads to dry.

 

What's a snow plow and why would you need a shovel for snow?

 

I feel so sorry for you...........mnissin out on all the fun....:snow2: