OK ... what's with this BARRAGE of SENIOR jokes??

[SilvrT]

Is it just coincidence that you guys are posting all these senior jokes now that I am officially a senior or what??

 

[Flyinfool]

You aint the only one of US that is old.....

[Marcarl]

Sorry about that, but I can't quite feel ya.....'pose I will when I get old and go grey, but until then you'll have to go it 'alone'!

[bilko1]

I don't feel old, (till I pass a looking glass)

[Nemo]

WHAT!!! Old is just 10 years ahead of a current age!!! Age is only a number, anyway.

[SilvrT]

Now who said anything about "OLD" (not me) ... SENIOR does not imply OLD

[Flyinfool]

Now who said anything about "OLD" (not me) ... SENIOR does not imply OLD

ummmmmmm......

I sure ain't never seen a young senior............

[Wanderer]

This of course is not us...yet...

 

 

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

 

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it..'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.

 

Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,

write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

 

She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'

 

 

*********

 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

 

*******

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

********

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then? 'Because she can still drive!'

*********

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'

********

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' One more . . .

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[Sailor]

Congratulations Rick. Don"t forget to ask for your discount. If you speed up you may be able to catch up to me.

[SilvrT]

Congratulations Rick. Don"t forget to ask for your discount. If you speed up you may be able to catch up to me.

 

heh... I been asking (and getting) a senior discount now for 2 years (when I could get away with it) LOL

 

As for catching up to you .... I thought it was the other way 'round...

[Sailor]

Age, Rick, age.

[bongobobny]

I prefer to think of myself as a "seasoned" citizen...

[Marcarl]

I prefer to think of myself as a "seasoned" citizen...

Ya but all seasoning ain't hot!

[Sailor]

I'm not senior or old, I am experienced.

My wife says in a few more years I may even be housebroken.

[Grump]

what is going on? so meny canadians *****ing about being old .are there no young canadians? is it our foult there is no young ones around did us old coots not do somthing in our youth that could have prevented there being so few young ones around ? was us guys bike riding at foult ? i know in my old minde i am having lots of fun i think i can say things around the ladys now that would have got my face slaped in my 40s or punched out by a boy frend i am for ever hitting on the sweetys but the just lought at me but that is ok i can not remember why:backinmyday: i was hitting on them . it must be old age i just came from the bath room don,t remember why i was there oh well .

[Grump]

dam did i write that?

[SilvrT]

what is going on? so meny canadians *****ing about being old .are there no young canadians? is it our foult there is no young ones around did us old coots not do somthing in our youth that could have prevented there being so few young ones around ? was us guys bike riding at foult ? i know in my old minde i am having lots of fun i think i can say things around the ladys now that would have got my face slaped in my 40s or punched out by a boy frend i am for ever hitting on the sweetys but the just lought at me but that is ok i can not remember why:backinmyday: i was hitting on them . it must be old age i just came from the bath room don,t remember why i was there oh well .

 

[Sailor]

I did my bit to keep the population going and now my sons are out there doing their bit. I think it is just that us Canadians have so little to complain about ( other than politicians) all we can complain about is getting older. That being said......what was I saying?