Killer Squirrels

[Yama Mama]

We have lived in our home for over 32 years, and have never had problems with squirrels damaging our home. We live in a wooded area, and are used to seeing many critters. The other night before we headed to KC. we heard a loud noise which seemed to be on the roof. This is not unusual because we hear loud noises all the time, usually a squirrel or two running on the roof.

When we returned from our trip, we are in bed trying to sleep. There was a noise coming from inside our bedroom wall. It sounded like a 10 pound mouse.

Ron went around the house to see where this critter could possibly got in.

He found an area where the trim wood had been chewed open. Ron sealed this area temporarily until he could fix it better. Next day the killer squirrels had blew another area of trim wood off and now there is a hole 4 to 6 inches in diameter. The crazy thing is, we have lived here all these years and have never had a problem with squirrels damaging our home.

Anybody know Billy the Exterminator?

Yama Mama

[Yammer Dan]

12 guage number 6 shot.....Stew Pot.

[joboo]

Oh Crap! When this happens like you describe it is usually a mama squirrel havin babies, closin up the hole with her on the inside or outside is a no win either way same as if you use poison, you definitely don't want the smell that will follow. If you close it up with her on the outside or the inside you are gonna get more air conditioning than you want and not where you want it. Your call for an exterminator is probably the best one followed by a drywall contractor if you don't do these things yourself, unless you wanna wait for em to grow up and move out on their own. But like raising kids it will cause you a lot of sleepless nights. Good Luck!

[Snaggletooth]

I'm sorry... I'm trying to stop laughing. I've been through the squirrel wars. Lil furry terrorists!!

 

I came home from high school one day and found my mom wearing of all things, my dads leather jacket with his leather welding apron and the right welding glove, my baseball catchers chest protector and my catchers glove with my hockey goalies leg protectors, arm pads and goalie mask. Odd picture don't you think?

 

Ahh .. but she's down on her hands and knees with a broom stick smacking it around under the clothes dryer and screaming at the top of her lungs.

 

Was this the same woman that always questioned me about smoking pot? The very same! Was this the first time I considered grabbing the bare essensials and beating feet to a new and unknown location? Well that's another story.

 

As it turns out a squirrel had pried open the dryer exhaust vent on top of the back porch roof and found his way though the venting pipes until he fell down the vertical vent pipe into the back of the dryer. He was not happy, mom was enraged and the fight was on.

 

Somebody was going to die. At that point it was a toss up.

 

I was able to get her out of the room and got her to calm down a bit. Just a lil.

 

I was able to make a block off from a 2 x 4 and pried open the the kick panel on the front of the dryer. Did I want the squirrel to get loose in the house? Nope... but that is again ANOTHER story.

 

I made a snare noose and attached it to the broom stick and worked it under the dryer. It was like squirell fishing. I kept poking around until I felt the line jerk and I reeled him in from out of the bottom of the dryer.

 

Now I got a ticked off squirrel on a string. This is not going to be a calm, cool, collected walk though the house. It was like having an atomic yoyo going into meltdown.

 

I got it out of the house with as little damage as possible to carpet, curtains and surrounding knick knacks but decided to let the little demon keep the snare line.

 

There was a series of unexplained walnut bombings for weeks after that to the roof of the house and the cars and even on mom while she was hanging clothes on the line in the back yard. Yep.... she quit using the dryer after that.

 

Now as dad coming home and asking why all his welding outfit and most my sports gear was in their bedroom ... I let mom explain that. I was too busy stuffing my hand in my mouth so she wouldn't hear me laughing.

 

So my heart goes out to you. Been though the challenges of cohabitation with our furry friends. I wish you the best of luck, I really do.

 

But if you continue to have problems let me know. I have a weeks vacation coming up and I haven't had a good laugh is a while. Be happy to come down and watch.

 

I'm there for ya.

 

Mike

Edited April 8, 2012 by Snaggletooth

[Rickster]

Red Squirrels are a pain and tough to get rid off when they are getting ready to have the little ones. I had to use spray foam and wire mesh and trap a few, well 7 of those little devils. Oh and a nice pellet rifle helps to Good Luck they can really do some damage. Just watch were they come out they will be out on the roff early every morning once you know how many just get up there and close up the hole the mama will try to get back in for sure so do it up good.

[joboo]

Thanks for the post Snaggletooth, I am always way too serious! I am sitting at the computer laughing out loud, atomic yo-yo! and my wife runs in to see what was the matter with me..Thanks for the laugh and the mental picture of your mom in the sports gear!

[Rickster]

Red Squirrels are tough to get rid of once they have had thier young or getting ready to. I had to watch where they got in every morning until I knew how many there were. then I either trapped them or had to pop a few with my pellet rifle. Once they come out you can use spray foam and wire mesh to close up the hole, but Mama will try to get back in. You want to make sure you dont seal up the hole with babies in there or it might stink some. Good Luck they can really do some damage if they want to.

[wes0778]

At least you only have squirrels. Noise like that at my grandmother's house, years ago netted 6 full grown possums!!! :yikes:

[BOO]

A lot of good replies and some pretty funny ones also.

I have fought animals through the years and you kind of got two choices, one is to give them lead poisoning and the other is to trap them and take them to the next county. Actually I have combined both into one, trap and kill.

I have several stories about getting rid of these things but someone suggested letting momma have the little ones and then letting them move out. I had a raccoon in the attic that I allowed to do that but no one moved out, they all just picked out a spot and stayed. Trapped 6 before it was over and had to have the old insulation removed and replaced with new.

You have to get rid of them, they never give up.......

BOO

[eagleeye]

This reminds me of my favorite squirrel story. AND I hope you get rid of them.

 

Neighborhood Hazard

(or: Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street)

 

I never dreamed slowly cruising through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous!

Studies have shown that motorcycling requires more decisions per second, and more sheer data processing than nearly any other common activity or sport. The reactions and accurate decision making abilities needed have been likened to the reactions of fighter pilots! The consequences of bad decisions or poor situational awareness are pretty much the same for both groups too.

Occasionally, as a rider I have caught myself starting to make bad or late decisions while riding. In flight training, my instructors called this being “behind the power curve”. It is a mark of experience that when this begins to happen, the rider recognizes the situation, and more importantly, does something about it. A short break, a meal, or even a gas stop can set things right again as it gives the brain a chance to catch up.

Good, accurate, and timely decisions are essential when riding a motorcycle…at least if you want to remain among the living. In short, the brain needs to keep up with the machine.

I had been banging around the roads of east Texas and as I headed back into Dallas, found myself in very heavy, high-speed traffic on the freeways. Normally, this is not a problem, I commute in these conditions daily, but suddenly I was nearly run down by a cage that decided it needed my lane more than I did. This is not normally a big deal either, as it happens around here often, but usually I can accurately predict which drivers are not paying attention and avoid them before we are even close. This one I missed seeing until it was nearly too late, and as I took evasive action I nearly broadsided another car that I was not even aware was there!

Two bad decisions and insufficient situational awareness…all within seconds. I was behind the power curve. Time to get off the freeway.

I hit the next exit, and as I was in an area I knew pretty well, headed through a few big residential neighborhoods as a new route home. As I turned onto the nearly empty streets I opened the visor on my full-face helmet to help get some air. I figured some slow riding through the quiet surface streets would give me time to relax, think, and regain that “edge” so frequently required when riding.

Little did I suspect…

As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it—it was that close.

I hate to run over animals…and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.

Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing the oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his little beady eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, “Banzai!” or maybe, “Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!” as the leap was spectacular and he flew over the windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest.

Instantly he set upon me. If I did not know better I would have sworn he brought twenty of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light t-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather gloves puttering maybe 25mph down a quiet residential street…and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing.

I grabbed for him with my left hand and managed to snag his tail. With all my strength I flung the evil rodent off the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.

That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.

But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel.

This was an evil attack squirrel of death!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands, and with the force of the throw swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact he landed square on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him!

The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him.

I was startled to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.

The engine roared as the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in…well…I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn t-shirt, and only one leather glove roaring at maybe 70mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street…on one wheel and with a demonic squirrel on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody’s tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle…my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little affect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he is a Scottish attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got IN my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed partway and he began hissing in my face I am quite sure my screaming changed tone and intensity. It seemed to have little affect on the squirrel however.

The rpm’s on The Dragon maxed out (I was not concerned about shifting at the moment) and her front end started to drop.

Now picture the large man on the huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very ragged torn t-shirt, and wearing one leather glove, roaring at probably 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel’s tail sticking out his mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand…I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked…sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of, so to speak.

Picture the scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.

Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn t-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing one leather glove, moving at probably 80mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams. They weren't mine...

I managed to get the big motorcycle under directional control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign at a busy cross street.

I would have returned to fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. But for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. One of them was on his back in the front yard of the house they had been parked in front of and was rapidly crabbing backwards away from the patrol car. The other was standing in the street and was training a riot shotgun on the police cruiser.

So the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to “let the professionals handle it” anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I swear I could see the squirrel, standing in the back window of the patrol car among shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery, and shaking his little fist at me. I think he was shooting me the finger…

That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car…

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made an easy right turn, and sedately left the neighborhood.

As for my easy and slow drive home? Screw it. Faced with a choice of 80mph cars and inattentive drivers, or the evil, demonic, attack squirrel of death...I’ll take my chances with the freeway. Every time.

And I’ll buy myself a new pair of gloves.

 

 

 

Steve

[joboo]

Ok Eagleeye you have done it now, that is seriously not a nice thing to do, second time today my wife comes running to see what is the matter with me, this time I am quite hysterical, actually fell off my chair laying on the floor laughing unable to catch my breath and being an old fart I think I actually peed alittle. I have not laughed that hard in years! You know when you get tickled and try to stop and then it happens all over again and you have no ability to stop it, well that is NOT funny to do to somebody, you should be ashamed! ( Shhh! Thanks)

:rotf: :rotf:

[Sailor]

Hilarious!!!! Around here it is not squirrels ( the local cats got them all) that are the problem, it is woodpeckers. In the spring they drum to announce their territory and attract mates. Houses make good drums, or so they think. Imagine lying in bed on a lazy Sunday morning when suddenly a machine gun opens up above your head. Gets your attention right away. I run outside and start throwing handfuls of gravel at the house. We wound up with three holes drilled through our wood siding. My neighbour had at least five and one in his roof.

[GeorgeS]

Back In Minn. on the farm , growing up , they got into the attic. Finally Dad got up there to clean out the mess,

As I remember he carted out about 3 wheelbarrows full of Black Walnuts.

( we had this giant Black Walnut tree next to the house )

[saddlebum]

Once a squirrel makes its home in your attic there is no keeping them out. They will be determined to get back in no matter what you do. I found the only way to get rid of the ones in my attic was to hang a wire snare in front of the hole. I know it sounds cruel but no worse than poisin and no dead body's left to rot in the attic. Keep in mind if left alone they can cause house fires by chewing through wiring.

 

However recently I have heard if you know someone with ferrets, get some ferrit poop and place it inside the hole. It supposed to drive them out and keep them out.

[ragtop69gs]

I found that a 6" .22 loaded with shotshells works great for eliminating the pesky little devils. The shotshell is great if you are in a neighborhood with houses nearby.

[ragtop69gs]

I found that a 6" .22 loaded with shotshells works great for eliminating the pesky little devils. The shotshell is great if you are in a neighborhood with houses nearby.

[Brake Pad]

I was in Maggie Valley a few years back and had the same issue with a squirrel running down the inner wall while I slept, woke up to it every morning. (Hotel Room)the last morning I waited for it, and dropped a 380 round into the wall (End Unit). filled the hole with toothpaste, and packed up and left.

[Trader]

A women called into the radio to ask how to get rid of a skunk that decided to make a home under her front porch.

 

The radio person told her to lead a trail of bread crumbs from the hole in her porch to the bush behind her house and seal the hole once the porch had been vacated by the skunk.

 

Seemed easy enough so the next day she laid down a trail of bread crumbs.

Then she called the radio station and asked "how do I get 2 skunks out from under my porch?"

 

[dacheedah]

cb caps or good pellet

 

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/slow-cooked-squirrel/

[Aussie Annie]

Eagleeye......... laughed till I had tears running down my face

:rotf::rotf:

[Zfrebird4]

Liquid Fence. It keeps my dog from chewing on my shrubs and trees! They also have a brown powder, I think called 'Uncle Earl's Dried Blood ... it is dried blood and red peper by Ean Enterprises 425-413-0371. Good luck and happy Easter!

 

Jack T:fingers-crossed-emo

[mraf]

We constantly are catching either chipmunks or red squirrels here around our house using a Have-A-Heart trap. One year we caught 28 chipmunks and 16 red squirrels. Just set the trap using English Walnuts. Break open a few and leave a trail up to the trap. Also place some on the trip mechanism. It usually doesn't take too long to catch the little pests then its a quick ride to the woods a few miles away so they don't come back.

[Redneck]

Hunting is fun squirrels are tasty. All of Gods creatures look their best when placed beside mashed potatoes and gravy.

[Marcarl]

Ordinary household ammonia will do the trick,,, they hate the stuff,,, it seems to make their eyes water, and also has an effect on their breathing capabilities.

In one house we had, we had them little criiters in the knee wall area, and everytime I'd close up the hole a new one was made.

So I put a dish of ammonia in that area, refreshed it for a day or two,,, and no more squirrels. When I put my head in there I could understand why. They never thought to break in again,,,, I couldn't blame them.

[Yama Mama]

We seem to be winning the battle with the mutant killer squirrels so far. Ron has used metal screening and wood to temporarily hold back the attack of the squirrels, until we can permanently heal our wounds on our home.

I will keep you informed on our battle, and thanks for all the great stories about battling critters.

Yama Mama