Trader Posted December 9, 2011 #1 Posted December 9, 2011 Amazing we all learned English! I think a retired English teacher was bored. THIS IS GREAT! Read all the way to the end. This took a lot of work to put together! You think English is easy?? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; you fill in a form by filling it out; an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this: There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP' It's easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house, and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP! Now it's UP to you to decide what to do with this email.
Marcarl Posted December 9, 2011 #2 Posted December 9, 2011 IT just ain't write that you should post something so silly as this. I thought the better of you, butt IT seems that: hear we go again.
SilvrT Posted December 9, 2011 #4 Posted December 9, 2011 THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD Well, it's sh!t ... that's right, sh!t! Sh!t may just be the most functional word in the English language. Consider: You can get sh!t-faced, Be sh!t-out-of-luck, Or have sh!t for brains. With a little effort, you can get your sh!t together, find a place for your sh!t, or be asked to sh!t or get off the pot. You can smoke sh!t, buy sh!t, sell sh!t, lose sh!t, find sh!t, forget sh!t, and tell others to eat sh!t. Some people know their sh!t, while others can't tell the difference between sh!t and shineola. There are lucky sh!ts, dumb sh!ts, and crazy sh!ts. There is bull sh!t, horse sh!t, and chicken sh!t. You can throw sh!t, sling sh!t, catch sh!t, shoot the sh!t,or duck when the sh!t hits the fan. You can give a sh!t or serve sh!t on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep sh!t or be happier than a pig in sh!t. Some days are colder than sh!t, some days are hotter than sh!t, and some days are just plain sh!tty. Some music sounds like sh!t, things can look like sh!t, and there are times when you feel like sh!t. You can have too much sh!t, not enough sh!t, the right sh!t, the wrong sh!t or a lot of weird sh!t. You can carry sh!t, have a mountain of sh!t, or find yourself up sh!t creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to sh!t and other times you fall in a bucket of sh!t and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your sh!t, you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a sh!t; or not do so if you don't give a sh!t! Well, Sh!t, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a sh!t and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of sh!t. But, if you happened to catch a load of sh!t from some sh!t-head........... Well, Sh!t Happens!!!
XV1100SE Posted December 9, 2011 #5 Posted December 9, 2011 Whomever did it did a good write up ! Whoever doesn't like it.... too bad for them for to err is human, to forgive divine. This one should go too anyone who wants to learn to speak proper English !
mother Posted December 9, 2011 #8 Posted December 9, 2011 and we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.
pegscraper Posted December 9, 2011 #9 Posted December 9, 2011 That should be, "... look UP the word UP in the dictionary." And why do slow up and slow down mean the same thing?
mabeline Posted December 10, 2011 #10 Posted December 10, 2011 and when you get up in the morning U.....P !!!
wrenchrob Posted December 10, 2011 #11 Posted December 10, 2011 and when you get up in the morning U.....P !!! :rotf::rotf:
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now