Getting tired of the battles

[waterbug]

I was supposed to go to court this Friday but the EX was trying to split my case up so it's postponed till feb now! I got emergency custody of the kids two weeks before school started. So now I have the kids because she decided to pack up and move to TN from KY without asking me or the courts if she could and a long list of other stuff she's been doing. She is supposed to be paying me back for INS on the kids and a contempt charge that are court ordered and to be paid by last Dec 26th that I haven't got a dime on of yet, now we have school expenses and medical stuff to it and she owes me around 6K and climbing each month with more INS premimums. She decided to move up to Indiana shortly after I got the kids and live at her grandmas house so she could be closer to the kids for the courts to see she's a good mother but is never a round to help or even in the state most of the time. She tells the kids she can't find a job but the papers are full wanting RNs, she has a RN plus a masters and can't find one. Anyway she's not having a fit about the custody in court it's the money she owes is what she's contesting and wants a discovery or a postponement. Between my lawyer the lawyer I had to get for the kids and court every year I'm tired! But on a good note the kids lawyer doesn't want them to be in her custody because she likes to hit them and treat them like dogs. This is the very short version!

Thank you for letting me vent on this! I am going crazy with it all! Just glad I have a great lady in my life to help me!

[mini-muffin]

Well you go ahead and vent. Most of us have been following what you've been going through. Plus plenty of folks on here have been through something similar. Glad the kids are still with you and I'm sure they are also. Enjoy that family you have through the holiday season. Thanksgiving is around the corner then Christmas. Just about a year you've had the kids. Here's to an even better year to come for you all.

 

Margaret

[Snaggletooth]

Like Mini said, vent all ya need to. It's never an easy path during a divorce, but when kids are involved.......it's even rougher and it's rocky for a long time.

 

You know what we talked about before. Sounds like you've make some progress. Hang in there.

 

Mike

[Yama Mama]

Keep your strength up. I have turmoil in our family too. Involving our granddaughter, which between family members causes me great pain and stress. But I still keep thinking how much I love our granddaughter, so I do everything in my life to make her life the best it can be.

Keep venting Waterbug, we are here to listen.

Yama Mama

[MiCarl]

... It's never an easy path during a divorce, but when kids are involved.......it's even rougher and it's rocky for a long time.

 

 

Yeah, even a good one is pretty bad.

 

For what it's worth about half of us have or will gone through this. While every situation is unique each has it's full share of this kind of BS. Hang in there.

 

Amazing, isn't it? She can't find a job but somehow seems to come up with the funds for a lawyer to make your life miserable.

[bongobobny]

Yah! Divorces are no picnic! both of us have been married twice before so we know the drill. We must be doing something right because we just celebrated our 22nd anniversary last month!

 

She sounds really flighty and a bit of a flake! She is probably playing the irresponsible role just to get out of paying money. In reality all she is doing is cutting off her nose to spite her face and ruining her life in the long run, not to mention the life the children. No wonder why God despises divorce...

[Sideoftheroad]

...she owes me around 6K and climbing each month with more INS premimums. She decided to move up to Indiana shortly after I got the kids and live at her grandmas house so she could be closer to the kids for the courts to see she's a good mother...

 

If she owes money how is that showing she's a good mother? Makes it that much harder to support the kids w/out those funds. Being a good parent is much more than just a body which from what you have said now and in the past hers isn't around for the kids.

 

I am sure others can chime in but if she is in contempt wouldn't the police have a warrant for her arrest?

[dacheedah]

Been there done that and the courts are like walking off a cliff in the dark, never know how far you will fall or how bad it will hurt.

 

In the end all you can control is your conduct. Do what's best for the kids. Show them love, set boundries and be a good parent. Never, no matter how tempting, speak poorly of their other parent or family members, they will get this figured out on their own.

 

best advice is keep a notebook and write incidents as soon as they occure, date and time. Take it to court and you can refer to it when you are asked a question and can't think of the answer off the top of your head, it becomes best evidence. If the police were involved get copies of their CAD reports / police reports (remember the police are neutral third parties). Create an index in the back. ie missed visitation. . . pages _ _ _ Payments not made _ _ _ ... It will serve you well.

[Todd157k]

Cost of Marriage = $xxx.xx

 

Cost of Divorce = $xxxxxxxxx.xx

 

Cost of Sanity after divorce = PRICELESS!

 

 

been there.. done that.. 3x

[Sailor]

It took three years of battles for my divorce. It started with her giving me custody but wanting the house and alimony. Since she had a job (RN) and I didn't I sued her. Everyone kept telling me I could not sue her for alimony and I kept asking "why not". Her lawyer told her she could not get the house without having custody of the kids so she came and grabbed them from the sitter while I was out. Three years later I got joint custody ( this had not been done here before) and the house. It all depends on how much is at stake. Keep fighting and don't worry about posting. People here are pretty sympathetic.

[Trader]

Keep fighting and don't worry about posting. People here are pretty sympathetic.

 

It is true we are here to help in anyway we can, even if only to provide a listening ear.

 

BUT...

I think you have to be aware that any comments made in a forum such as this one are considered "in the public domain" and can be used against you. Same thing for facebook comments, even emails.

 

You just never know who can get their hands on it...so use discretion!

[myminpins]

Been there, done that - both sides, his and mine. So very, very glad my kids are now grown and his are finished with child support. His live in the USA thousands of miles away and we haven't seen them for years and years. Mine live nearby and their father walked out of their lives three years ago - yet lives very close by.

 

Never fun, never easy, and NEVER EVER cheap.

 

Good luck and it sounds like the kids are very lucky to have you!!!!

[Patrolman46]

Like a lot of other VR's have said. Vent & we will listen. Also been there done that. 1980 wife ran off with golf partner, left me with 7, 9 & 12 yr old kids. Lost everything in the process, but kept the kids on the right path & through school. Met my soul mate after 5 yrs of single parenting & we raised our 5 kids together. We then had a 11, 12, 13, 14, & 16 yr olds. Let me tell you what you are doing for your kids is the best thing for them & you. It will be the most satisfying thing you can look back on & be glad you did. The kids have to be 1st priority. All of our kids are successful & pretty well adjusted, have given us 7 grandkids aged 20 to 1. Keep up the good work it is worth it. Don't let your angry thoughts of her & what she's doing consume you. One of these days you will get to see what goes around come around & it is sweet!!!

[dray]

I was supposed to go to court this Friday but the EX was trying to split my case up so it's postponed till feb now! I got emergency custody of the kids two weeks before school started. So now I have the kids because she decided to pack up and move to TN from KY without asking me or the courts if she could and a long list of other stuff she's been doing. She is supposed to be paying me back for INS on the kids and a contempt charge that are court ordered and to be paid by last Dec 26th that I haven't got a dime on of yet, now we have school expenses and medical stuff to it and she owes me around 6K and climbing each month with more INS premimums. She decided to move up to Indiana shortly after I got the kids and live at her grandmas house so she could be closer to the kids for the courts to see she's a good mother but is never a round to help or even in the state most of the time. She tells the kids she can't find a job but the papers are full wanting RNs, she has a RN plus a masters and can't find one. Anyway she's not having a fit about the custody in court it's the money she owes is what she's contesting and wants a discovery or a postponement. Between my lawyer the lawyer I had to get for the kids and court every year I'm tired! But on a good note the kids lawyer doesn't want them to be in her custody because she likes to hit them and treat them like dogs. This is the very short version!

Thank you for letting me vent on this! I am going crazy with it all! Just glad I have a great lady in my life to help me!

 

dont take this wrong but if i was you id be happy she owes you money. thats what is keeping her away; you have the kids be thankfull and enjoy your life with the kids.

 

do you have any Idea how many people would love to be in your shoes; meaning just to have the chance to have there kids no matter the cost.

 

Sorry but you have it made in the eyes of a lot of dad's

 

Dray

[waterbug]

Thanks for the replys, this is just the tip of the ice berg on what's going on and the moneys not much of my issue. It's more that She can get away with it but if I owed the money I would be in jail. The reason I have the kids are because she took off with them and because she is abusive with them but I still have to let her see them until we go to court even when the kids don't want to go. Lucky for me I have found someone who is great with my kids. But I just got her out of the hospital for congestive heart failure because she went to see her son and her 2 yr old grandson when her son went on a rampage on the 2 yr old so she stepped in to protect him and her son started choking and being abusive to her. The cardiologist gave it a Japanese name but it's called heart break syndrome kinda like when someone loses someone they love or scared to death. But with this the doctor said she should have a full recovery in about a year but will be on meds for the rest of her life from it.

My kids are helping me with stuff and even though they have seen the bad side of what some parents will do I think they will be good people when they are older! My son wants to be a lawyer to help fathers get their kids away from abusive mothers or families. One being 14 the other 11 and my daughter being the youngest they have a opinion in court. The bad thing is my daughter is scared to death to be left alone with her mom if her brother isn't around to step in. But it's not much longer before she is bigger than her mom and monsoon already is. It will get better for them and it's costing me a lot of money to protect them when it shouldn't! Thanks again and good luck to anyone who's in the same boat!

[mini-muffin]

Sorry to hear about your lady, at least she'll recover even with meds. Also glad she's there for you and your kids. Kids are a lot smarter then some folks give them credit for, they see what's going on. Hope your ex realizes what she's done to her kids. It might be too late for her to ever have a really good relationship with her kids. At least they have a dad who cares and will be there.

 

Margaret