I've seen this message a few times, but not on here...

[greg_in_london]

http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh10/greg_in_london/queen.jpg

 

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

 

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

 

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

 

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

 

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

 

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

 

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that one)

 

 

Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)

 

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

 

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

 

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

 

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

 

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

 

8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

 

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

 

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

 

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

 

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

 

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

 

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

 

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

 

God Save the Queen!

 

http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh10/greg_in_london/trailer.gif

[CaptainJoe]

Good luck on collectin the "monies due"...

 

 

You do know, some people believe, the quickest way out of a recesion is a war?

 

We're currently in two, but since we're rebuilding both countrys, it's draining our coffers.

 

Maybe three is a luck number...

 

 

You do know I'm just pulling you leg... England is one of Americas strongest allies...

 

Perhaps Iran could be No#3?

Edited October 10, 2011 by CaptainJoe

[myminpins]

I LOVE IT!!!! :clap2:

 

As an English and grammar fanatic, learning to spell the "USA" way has driven me nuts!!! I had to learn to do it for work but I refuse to do it in my own day to day correspondence.

[flb_78]

Oh yeah, because The United Kingdom has been doing so great lately.

[greg_in_london]

Randy,

 

Is there a polite way of saying this....

[RedRider]

What will we do with all the out-of-work dentists and gourmet chefs?

 

RR

[friesman]

too funny, i love the Brit sense of humour...!:rotfl:

 

 

Wait......this is humour isnt it?,,,,,,,,,,:rotf:

 

I sure hope ya dont ruffle too many feathers Greg, but i think its funny.

 

Brian

[Gray Ghost]

Greg, understand the humour intended (yes I can write Brit style when necessary). Americans (US style) are a cantankerous bunch, not the sort you would invite to a proper tea for the most part. But! Whenever someone needs somebody to do bad things to bad people, they tend to knock us up before most others (note to US readers knock up is akin to ringing the doorbell).

 

On the other hand, I would love to have some chips now, although I have more of a preference for pommes frites (even if they come with mayonnaise).

[greg_in_london]

Mayonnaise - nuuurgh !

 

I bet you have vinegar and sugar in your mustard

[astraka]

waaay too funny, especially loved by the canadians in our house!

[Gray Ghost]

Mayonnaise - nuuurgh !

 

I bet you have vinegar and sugar in your mustard

 

That would be just plain wierd. But while I was stationed in Germany, I did find the mayo on pommes frites was decent. I have always liked mayo on my fried eggs.

 

I guess I should understand about cultural differences when it comes to food though. You guys probably turn your nose up at chittlins.

[RedRider]

That would be just plain wierd. But while I was stationed in Germany, I did find the mayo on pommes frites was decent. I have always liked mayo on my fried eggs.

 

I guess I should understand about cultural differences when it comes to food though. You guys probably turn your nose up at chittlins.

 

Any civilized person would turn their nose up at chittlins.

 

RR

[Gray Ghost]

I don't eat chittlins, or kimchi, or haggis. Everybody has some really foul foods when you get down to it.

[Trader]

I've always wondered about the first people who decided to eat escargo?

 

"Oh look....there's an ugly looking slug in a shell that leaves a slime trail....LET'S EAT IT!"

[greg_in_london]

Chitterlings ? is that like tripe ?

 

I guess it would depend on how you cook it.

 

I don't suppose it is anything like haggis, which is good and spicy and has a pleasant texture. Tripe I never fancied trying though.

[Hobscotch]

We had occasion to attend a "proper tea" in Northern Ireland at a Yacht Club...

 

and took our kids!!!!!!

 

[Gray Ghost]

chitlins are fried pig intestines. Your spelling is correct according to some sites, but down here in the south, we hold our freedoms dear. Including our freedom to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate the English language.