Shine freaks, dirty dogs, extra screws....

[1BigDog]

Fragments of grunt:

 

Guys, are you married to a shine freak?? If you are then nothing is safe. And you know what im talking about. 32 1/2 years ago I married a wonderful woman. She can cook, ride a bike, drive her own hot rod, etc. What I didnt realize then but found out soon enough was that she was a shine freak. NOTHING IS SAFE AROUND HER!! Put your newspaper down to get a drink and in less time then it takes to pass wind its in the recycling bin. WHY?? Because you were foolish to leave it. Eat food in the living room and set it down...its assumed that you are finished with it and it magically disappears in one fell swoop. Never mind the plate is still about 1/2 full. Make sure you have enough ketchup and drink by your side so you can protect your well earned meal from invaders by not leaving it alone for a minute (or less) I swear she gets faster with age.

 

Now you ask, just how does this apply to dirty dogs and extra screws? It does in its own weird way. See, if you werent married to a shine freak, you wouldnt be waken from a sound vicoden induced sleep on your first day off to give two great danes a bath. Oh joy!! About the time you finish FedEx arrives with a package and you shudder!!! Was it something that I bought for the bike and never told her??? NO, its the replacement oven door glass that was shattered no doubt caused in part to its excessive cleaning regiment.

 

I thought it would take a week to get here and id be safe.noooo, the part was ordered on Sunday and it flies here in a rush, just to make me do more work caused by excessive cleaning.

 

Screws you say and how the fit in here? OK men, we all have at one time or another had a few leftover screws/bolts, even parts when we put the bikes back together. Well this theory also applies to oven doors. You tape over the shattered glass to take it out in one piece, remove the 16 screws that hold various parts in place, meticulously clean all the parts of old grease because you fear "She Who Must Be Kept", (who is out shopping at this time, Yea thats another story for another time). Proudly clean up the work area (Kitchen counter) and discover 2 screws laying under the door. Hmmmmm. So you patiently take it all apart again and discover the location of your missing screws and put it all back together nicely again.

 

She comes home.....proclaims the area a mess (even after the thorough cleaning you just gave it) You hide, quaking in fear......And after all that work you feel that a nice home cooked meal in that oven would be nice. WRONG.....she wants to go out to dinner..no way is the oven getting messed up by greasy meat substances. You sigh.....she says what did you say?? I say sweetie, lets go out to Texas Roadhouse tonight. And all is well again.

 

Moral of this story: were wimps....and if she sees this then im hoping Boomer has a spare female pygmy I can run away with because both of my legs will be cut off at the knees.

[KarlS]

I became single again 10 years ago this month and haven't regretted a minute of it.

[jer878]

You have my deepest sympathy. No, really you do.

 

I'm not single but I know where you're coming from. Just for example. I lay my coat on the couch in the living room, the room that no one uses. I do that because I leave for work @ 0330 and it's much simpler to grab it off the couch than to fumble throgh the closet at 0330. Sure enough 1-2 times a week I feel up the couch lookin' for my coat not there. Turn on the lights and filter through the closet and there it is, BINGO.

Edited April 19, 2011 by jer878
added text

[royalstar09]

Well Sir to you I say I am so sorry. You appear to have the patience of "Jobe". Around my house, as the old term goes, "that dog will NOT hunt" !!

[buddy]

Don't forget pay checks either!!!

like her check and our check? our check? yep our check so what did I do or say? you really want to know what I did OK I did NOTHING LOL

[Sylvester]

Yes, Ruffy, I really do understand. After 40 years this July I REALLY UNDERSTAND. And I would not trade a moment of our life together. Somebody will have to change my diapers someday. That is when I get even!

 

[buddy]

Yes, Ruffy, I really do understand. After 40 years this July I REALLY UNDERSTAND. And I would not trade a moment of our life together. Somebody will have to change my diapers someday. That is when I get even!

 

 

 

[bongobobny]

Yup!! Been there (still am), done that (still do), bought the tee shirt, and got yelled at for having so many of them!!

 

The screws as you described it is now what came to mind as I read the story...

[BOO]

Yes, Ruffy, I really do understand. After 40 years this July I REALLY UNDERSTAND. And I would not trade a moment of our life together. Somebody will have to change my diapers someday. That is when I get even!

 

 

 

I'm thinking that will be her chance to get rid of me. (Nursing Home)

44 years this summer.

BOO

[RedRider]

This reminds of the story I heard of someone who was repairing his motorcycle transmission and had all the parts laid out in the order it gets reassembled. His wife cleaned the area up and put them all in a box.

 

That was one expensive cleaning bill.

 

And no, it wasn't me. My wife does not generally venture into the garage. And she sure as heck won't clean it.

 

RR

[BOO]

Don't forget pay checks either!!!

 

like her check and our check? our check? yep our check so what did I do or say? you really want to know what I did OK I did NOTHING LOL

 

I'll try to make this short as possible.

I was in business for pretty much 35 years. My wife always grabbed my check book on Fridays and wrote herself a check for the house, no problem. But maybe after I had been in business for some 15 years we were just chatting and sort of poking at each about divorce and money. She had worked at the Circuit Clerks office for some time. Her comment was "she could divorce me and I would have to pay dearly". My comment was "I have no money, didn't make any money, I had never taken any money out of the business and could prove it." - - - She never wrote another check to herself the rest of the time I worked.

Was pretty funny at the time. But yeah, she has her money and she has our money.

As long as I have gas for the bike and a beer once in a while I'm good.

BOO

[gibvel]

So, does she keep your bike shiny?

[FuzzyRSTD]

Yes, Ruffy, I really do understand. After 40 years this July I REALLY UNDERSTAND. And I would not trade a moment of our life together. Somebody will have to change my diapers someday. That is when I get even!

 

 

:rotfl::rotfl: