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Things to do if your wife insists you go shopping with her.

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her

on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

 

Dear Mrs. Harris,

 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by

our video surveillance cameras.

 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and

randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares

to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the

floor leading to the women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her

in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.

This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a

reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union

grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company

money.

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to

put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign

to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping

department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they

would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which

twenty children obliged.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could

help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave

me alone?' EMTs were called.

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security

camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. September 10: While handling guns in the

hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the store

suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he

practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when

people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the

loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S

THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

 

And last, but not least:

 

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the

door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet

paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Iowawegian]

:rotfl::rotfl:

[SilvrT]

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when

people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

Buddy of mine pulled this one on me several years ago in a Walmart. I had no idea he was in the store ... guess he spotted me and as I was looking thru a rack of shirts, he hid on the other side and got me good!

[oldgoat]

dont forget to use this one.

pour apple juice on the floor and scream im old and i had to pee realy bad. and the bathrooms are to far away.

[mini-muffin]

dont forget to use this one.

pour apple juice on the floor and scream im old and i had to pee realy bad. and the bathrooms are to far away.

 

OK nobody is gonna go shopping with you now. :rotf::rotf:

 

Margaret

[Yammer Dan]

THey didn't put in there about wiring all the christmas lights togather and hard wiring them in!!!

[Marcarl]

dont forget to use this one.

pour apple juice on the floor and scream im old and i had to pee realy bad. and the bathrooms are to far away.

Interesting thing is,,,,, there are some who might read this, where it might actually be true.!

[donphantasmo]

That is awesome..

[BoomerCPO]

Oh Lord.....The pygmies just got done reading all of this and are now headed to the local Wal Mart.......

Boomer.....who sez the Holiday's can be fun after all.

[Zfrebird4]

... Wife? If not she can ride on my Queen Seat (send photos please).

 

Seriously: