35 Rules of the Universe

[Aussie Annie]

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> THE 35 RULES OF THE UNIVERSE
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1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.


3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


4.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.


5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


6. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)


7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.


8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the holiday.


9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.


10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.


11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.


12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other.


13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.


14. A balanced diet is a pie in each hand.


15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.


16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.


17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.


18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.


19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.


20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.


21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.


23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.


24. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'


25. People who want to share either their religious or political views with you never want you to share yours with them.


26. You should not confuse your career with your life.


27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


28.. Never lick a steak knife.


29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.


30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight saving time.


31.. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.


33. Your friends love you anyway.


34. Never be afraid to try something new on your own. Remember that a lone amateur built the ARK. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


35. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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[SilvrT]

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I'm still trying to figgure this one out.... :think: :think:

[saddlebum]

Originally Posted by Aussie Annie http://venturerider.org/forum/images/buttons/viewpost.gif

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I'm still trying to figgure this one out.... :think: :think:

 

[oldgoat]

Originally Posted by Aussie Annie http://venturerider.org/forum/images/buttons/viewpost.gif

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new kind of math? maybe i can send this to a navy person to decode looks like part says face font to maybe put up the arial?

[uncledj]

You forgot one rule:

 

Never fry bacon in the nude.

[SilvrT]

You forgot one rule:

 

Never fry bacon in the nude.

 

ok, now I wanna know..... where do ya get bacon with clothes on it???

 

:rotf:

[Donde]

21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


 

I might need a bigger refrigerator???