Prayers needed for my Father

[TATERS]

Prayers are sent along with a few Angels to stay by his side... :2132: :2143: :innocent:

[TDunc]

Same here buddy, Prayers have not stopped.

[saddlebum]

Things are getting very bad. Dad has pretty much crossed the point of no return, his lungs are so bad that if we take him off the ventilator, he will be unable to breathe. On top of that his body has swollen and his kidneys appear to be failing. We now have to think about wether or not to put him on dialysis or let nature takes its course. Having said that we are fully aware that he will never be able to breath without the ventilator unless some powerful miracle were to take place. This has caused a terrible rift in the familly triggered by weariness, strung out emotions, as each of us four brothers have a strongly different opinion as to what our next decision should be. This has resulted in some very emmotional and heated arguments. My poor Mom sits in the middle of all this. She is a strong believer in God and as much as she hates to see him like this, she cannot be a party to his being pulled off of life support and continues to pray for a miracle. She also believes that by pulling the plug she is killing him but at the same time does not want anymore medical intervention. Some of my brothers argue with her that refusing further treatment, or physically pulling the plug is the same thing when to her way of thinking it is not and I have to say I clearly understand her feelings about that Even if I do not entirely agree. My brothers do not believe in God and therfore constantly lecture her into their individual way's of thinking, placing my Mom into a whirl wind of confusion because each one has a different opinion. For myself I am at a loss and cannot make up my mind other than beleiving very strongly that the ultimate decision is for my mother to make and most go by her own consience without outside influence. She is the one that was married to him for 56 years, she is the one who will feel the lonesomeness more than any of us, and she is the one who must live with her decision whatever she decides. I pray to God that whatever the outcome or decision my Mother makes, that she can go on with her life and not me tormented by a ton of afterthoughts and regrets. As for my own personal feelings I hate to see my Dad laying there and feel he is ready to jion his brothers and sisters. But unlike my brothers I refuse to force my opinion on my mother, unless she asks how I feel about it in which case I will tell her but still leave the final decision to her.

[naturbar]

the most powerful tool each of us has in our 'toolbox' is "choice"....these choices fashion every aspect of our lives......as a believer these choices need not be made alone...your Mom being a woman of faith just needs to continue to trust God.....in my opinion God doesn't make mistakes. hope your Mom's choice is firmly placed in His hands and then give Him thanks for the outcome. and you saddlebum seem to be to one which is making rational choices....continue in your faith as well and support your Mom as you have been...you are in my prayers as well and I trust God to make the right choice....Godspeed.

[kenw]

My prayers are there for you and your family. It's easier said than done, but you need to be there and be strong for your mother's sake. I know that it takes a lot out of you, but you have to do what you have to do. Again, I'm out here praying that the Lord gives you strength! Your brother Kenw

[zooer]

Your heart must be your guide. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[BigBoi]

Thoughts and Prayers. Also thanks to your dad and all our other past HEROES, they just don't get enough credit for their sacrifices.

[Brake Pad]

Continuing Prayers for your Dad, You and your Family

[saddlebum]

The hard part for me is that either way you think it out, it carries both an element of selfishness and an element of concern and then to add to the confusion on those rare moments when he is sort of awake he is somewhat responsive leaving you with a glimmer of hope, however small. Each time you think your mind is made up, one way or the other, something happens to make you question or reverse that decision.

[Evan]

The hard part for me is that either way you think it out, it carries both an element of selfishness and an element of concern and then to add to the confusion on those rare moments when he is sort of awake he is somewhat responsive leaving you with a glimmer of hope, however small. Each time you think your mind is made up, one way or the other, something happens to make you question or reverse that decision.

Ben, I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and how much you must be questioning your own decisions. Having talked about this with my own father recently, I have a stronger sense that ultimately, some comfort will come from what you believe your father would prefer and what you think is best for him.

[Dano]

Unfortunately there is no clear guidance on this. When my dads carotid artery blew out on him in 95, he was fortunate enough to survive, but went into a non-reversible coma just after we saw him (we had just gotten to the hospital 10 hrs after it happened). They kept him on life support for a few days, but with no hope of recovery we boys were faced with the ultimate question. What it boiled down to for us was what was his quality of life now, what was it expected to be and were we being realistic in our hopes and dreams for his recovery. We just couldn't get over the fact that he was now a prisoner in his own body with no way of ever communicating with us again in this world. We eventually decided to let nature take it's course and both my wife and I were there when he passed. It was a hard but a necessary decision.

 

I know that doesn't correlate to your situation, but in some small way I hope it helps. The biggest thing is to keep the discussion just amongst the immediate family members, no wives, girlfriends, etc. to muddy up the conversation.

 

May I also say I know how you feel, there is nothing as bad as to determine the fate of another. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of need for you and your family.

 

Dan

[saddlebum]

Unfortunately there is no clear guidance on this. When my dads carotid artery blew out on him in 95, he was fortunate enough to survive, but went into a non-reversible coma just after we saw him (we had just gotten to the hospital 10 hrs after it happened). They kept him on life support for a few days, but with no hope of recovery we boys were faced with the ultimate question. What it boiled down to for us was what was his quality of life now, what was it expected to be and were we being realistic in our hopes and dreams for his recovery. We just couldn't get over the fact that he was now a prisoner in his own body with no way of ever communicating with us again in this world. We eventually decided to let nature take it's course and both my wife and I were there when he passed. It was a hard but a necessary decision.

 

I know that doesn't correlate to your situation, but in some small way I hope it helps. The biggest thing is to keep the discussion just amongst the immediate family members, no wives, girlfriends, etc. to muddy up the conversation.

May I also say I know how you feel, there is nothing as bad as to determine the fate of another. My thoughts and prayers are with you in this time of need for you and your family.

Dan

Actually Dano I think you have hit the nail on the button when you questioned your fathers quality of life. These are my questions for my father as well, considering that he has always been a doer not a watcher.

[Brian D.]

Our prayers going out to you and your family, your love and ssupport for your father and family is very evident here and may GODhold and comfort you and your father.

[Carbon_One]

Hard decisions for sure for you to make Saddlebum. My mother in law had gone into the hospital for a heart valve operation but after the operation her heart wouldn't work on it's own. Docs rechecked their work to no avail, thus we were stuck with the decision of keeping her going on the machine or pulling the plug.

In our case thou she was prepared for any outcomes and let us know what her wishes were in an event of this type. It did make it a bit easier to pull the plug regardless of how saddened we were doing it.

Peace be with you and your Father with the Lord in whatever decisions are made.

Larry

[Guest]

Ben, I have had a terrible time deciding when it was time to put a pet down. I just cannot fathom the grief your family is going through right now with this decision. Letting your father move on is a decision that will have to come from the heart. What would be best for dad is the issue here. You all obviously had a great life thanks to your dad. What would he want now? Prayers sent out to you and your family in the hopes you can all come to peace with all of this.