When girls don't put out!

[jburrell]

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy...very funny!

 

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

 

FOR EXAMPLE:

 

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

 

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

 

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

 

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least the ***** knows I'm smarter than her.

[RandyR]

remember this one guys....

 

[Snaggletooth]

 

And my friends ask me why I don't date much anymore.........

[TDunc]

My wife laughed pretty hard at the golfer "funny" earlier.

 

I should not have laughed so hard at this one.....

 

 

Why does laughing at a joke change the temperature of a whole house???

[DBOB]

My wife laughed pretty hard at the golfer "funny" earlier.

 

I should not have laughed so hard at this one.....

 

 

Why does laughing at a joke change the temperature of a whole house???

 

Getting a little "frosty" in NC?

lol

[saddlebum]

I would so love to show that one to my wife but I fear I am just not that brave

[pegscraper]

Hold me but nothing more than that? Here's what else you can do. Take her to a fine restaurant and ask to be seated near the kitchen where you can see and smell all the food being brought out. Take a good look up and down the menu talking about all this good food. Then refuse to order anything. Make her sit there and go hungry.

[Lone Eagle]

As the old saying goes - "And that is when the fight started" - good one -

[SaltyDawg]

I've got to say that was worth the read!!!:rotfl:

[Monty]

There are girls who don't put out?

 

I wonder what their men are doing wrong, that makes them not wanna do it.....hmmm. If I didn't enjoy something, I wouldn't wanna do it either.

[Yammer Dan]

I'm going to make sure the Warden doesn't read this one!!

[greg_in_london]

I said it was too long for me to read it out and she said the text was too small to read.

 

Close escape then...

[Flyinfool]

I said it was too long for me to read it out and she said the text was too small to read.

 

Close escape then...

 

Should we tell her about the trick of ctrl + + to enlarge the screen?????

[yamadawg]

And that, your Honor, is the basis for the "Irroncileable Differences" claim...

[FROG MAN]

Are you telling me I didn't have to buy the wife a new car last month?

[Yammer Dan]

Are you telling me I didn't have to buy the wife a new car last month?

 

 

Depends, What did she say??

[1joeranger]

So I just got back with an evening out with my girlfriend to read this! She bought dinner, and as soon as she finishes feeding the cats she is gonna tie me down and, using her words, "do some nasty things to me!" Her idea of a dream vacation is to take me to Vegas buy some hooker and have them do "some nasty things to me!" I'm realizing ITS GOOD TO BE ME!!!!

[PastorPaul]

Now I know why I found thedog in the bed and my pillow and blanket in the dog house.