Divorce Court

[6pak]

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

[515Rod]

Just gotta ask the right QUESTION.

[SilvrT]

Wife and I were talking about a movie we watched the other day (The Blind side)... had Sandra Bullock in it. Anyway, she (my wife) said she had been talking with her boss about it. She (her boss) had also seen the movie and really liked it. She (my wife) commented how ironic it was that she (now here's where I got mixed up) had just adopted a black baby. Now since she (my wife) continued to use the word "she", I thought she (my wife) meant her boss (as that is who were were talking about) but since she (my wife) didn't specify she (meaning Sandra Bullock) I thought she (her boss) just adopted a black baby. "Really?" I said... "wow... when did she (her boss) do that?" She (my wife) said "oh... I think it was about 3 months ago" ... I then said "I'm surprised you didn't tell me that she (her boss) had adopted a baby" ... She (my wife) said "it was all over the papers and the news" ... OK, now I'm thinking... "why would my wifes boss's adoption be all over the papers, etc???" LOL... then I asked.... "you're talking about your boss....right?" ... NO she (my wife) says.... Sandra Bullock!!

 

Well, the reason there's a problem in communication between a woman and a man is that a man thinks logically and literally whereas a woman's thoughts can dart from one thing to another and then to another and while speaking, not necessarilly articulate the change in direction. You have to be a good listener (or another woman) to stay in "tune".

 

.... we had a good laff about that one!

[BoomerCPO]

Drunken wimmen don't talk too much....and that's fine by me.

Boomer....still looking for a rich,good looking MUTE woman....who likes pygmies....and motorcycles.

[BOO]

Wife and I were talking about a movie we watched the other day (The Blind side)... had Sandra Bullock in it. Anyway, she (my wife) said she had been talking with her boss about it. She (her boss) had also seen the movie and really liked it. She (my wife) commented how ironic it was that she (now here's where I got mixed up) had just adopted a black baby. Now since she (my wife) continued to use the word "she", I thought she (my wife) meant her boss (as that is who were were talking about) but since she (my wife) didn't specify she (meaning Sandra Bullock) I thought she (her boss) just adopted a black baby. "Really?" I said... "wow... when did she (her boss) do that?" She (my wife) said "oh... I think it was about 3 months ago" ... I then said "I'm surprised you didn't tell me that she (her boss) had adopted a baby" ... She (my wife) said "it was all over the papers and the news" ... OK, now I'm thinking... "why would my wifes boss's adoption be all over the papers, etc???" LOL... then I asked.... "you're talking about your boss....right?" ... NO she (my wife) says.... Sandra Bullock!!

 

Well, the reason there's a problem in communication between a woman and a man is that a man thinks logically and literally whereas a woman's thoughts can dart from one thing to another and then to another and while speaking, not necessarilly articulate the change in direction. You have to be a good listener (or another woman) to stay in "tune".

 

.... we had a good laff about that one!

 

That sounds like some of the conversations we have around my house. My wife will change the subject in the middle of a sentence...... Says I'm not listening..

Not sure what would make her think that.

AND I don't think it's a conversation.... think more than one person gets to talk if it's a conversation.

BOO

[Grandpagak]

in our house, its my wife whom cant keep up with mine converssations.. i dont know whats so hard if'n she would just pay attention... wimmin!! go figger..

[67mini67]

I our house I accuse my wife of talking in "snigletts" (short, incomplete sentences that only she can interpret)

[Guest Ken8143]

Just a true example of how it goes in our house:

 

She: The flavored water was 2 for $1. They had two flavors.

Me: What flavors did they have?

She: Kiwi. I got you tropical fruit and white grape.

Me: AAAUUGGHHHHH!

She: What's wrong?

Me: You said two flavors, listed one, and got two others. That is not one or two flavors but three.

She: Well, I knew you don't like kiwi so I didn't count that one.

Me: I want accuracy.

She: You will have to lay that aside. Get over it.

 

And that's how the fight started.....

[wes0778]

That sounds like some of the conversations we have around my house. My wife will change the subject in the middle of a sentence...... Says I'm not listening..

Not sure what would make her think that.

AND I don't think it's a conversation.... think more than one person gets to talk if it's a conversation.

 

BOO

 

:sign yeah that:

[Yammer Dan]

Drunken wimmen don't talk too much....and that's fine by me.

 

Boomer....still looking for a rich,good looking MUTE woman....who likes pygmies....and motorcycles.

 

 

 

And I'm going to win PowerBall!!

[Rick Haywood]

Now wait a minute it sounds as if you have been visiting my wife from your conversations:whistling:

[Squeeze]

He: Hey Honey, what would happen if i'd win at the Lottery ....

 

 

She: I'd take the half and get the H3ll outta here ...

 

 

 

He: Ok, i won 12 Bucks, here are your 6 and now get outta here !!!

 

 

 

:whistling:

[SilvrT]

I our house I accuse my wife of talking in "snigletts" (short, incomplete sentences that only she can interpret)

 

snigletts ... ... gotta remember that one!!

[Dave3]

Who was that guy on SNL that came up with Sniglets?? Rich something??

[etcswjoe]

A couple in were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.

Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything.

"Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

"Do you think you should write that down to remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember that," he said.

"I'd like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?" she said.

"No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries," he said, becoming a little irritated.

"I'd like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down," she said.

"For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don't need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream," he said, now more than a little irritated.

Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"

[dave_wells]

That is pretty much reminds me of what it is like dealing with the Idiot the runs my department at work.

 

For the computer guys

she has not figured out what an :

 

I d 10 t -- error is

 

Be safe

 

[TATERS]

A couple in were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.

Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything.

"Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

"Do you think you should write that down to remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember that," he said.

"I'd like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?" she said.

"No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries," he said, becoming a little irritated.

"I'd like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down," she said.

"For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don't need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream," he said, now more than a little irritated.

Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"

 

 

 

See how easily we can adapt?

[SilverSoul]

That is pretty much reminds me of what it is like dealing with the Idiot the runs my department at work.

 

For the computer guys

she has not figured out what an :

 

I d 10 t -- error is

 

Be safe

 

 

Does she know what PEBKAC, PICNIC or Layer 8 errors are yet?

[Trader]

Does she know what PEBKAC, PICNIC or Layer 8 errors are yet?

 

 

 

Um....neither do I????????

[1 Canuck]

I our house I accuse my wife of talking in "snigletts" (short, incomplete sentences that only she can interpret)

 

I use our dog to interpret.

[SilvrT]

Well guys, it's the woman's multi-tasking gene that get's things done all at once. Why would we women be single focused when multi-focusing allows us to start a 'conversation' and at the same time decide what's on our to do list, decide what to make for dinner, where can I find those shoes I need, prioritize what needs to be done for the household, remember to call the kids and my mum, and come down from working at the office all day. It's possible to do it all at once. However, thank goodness my one at a time, single focused husband can bring me back into the conversation he thought we were having! And that's why we need the objective man and the many objectives woman riding together. See what I mean? No? Hmmmm...

[naturbar]

“Well, the reason there's a problem in communication between a woman and a man is that a man thinks logically and literally whereas a woman's thoughts can dart from one thing to another and then to another and while speaking, not necessarilly articulate the change in direction. You have to be a good listener (or another woman) to stay in "tune". “..........

 

 

bingo !! when my wife and I are conversing she invariably leaves out key elements of the conversation assuming i can fill in the blanks and understand her. and i invariably asked her to repeat alot and to please don't assume i know what she is thinking (but not saying).....sometimes it's just easier to smile, nod and pretend to understand.

on the other hand i've heard her in many conversations with other women and tried to follow along but get 'lost' in the translation but the women seem to understand perfectly....so here is what i do

[SilvrT]

“Well, the reason there's a problem in communication between a woman and a man is that a man thinks logically and literally whereas a woman's thoughts can dart from one thing to another and then to another and while speaking, not necessarilly articulate the change in direction. You have to be a good listener (or another woman) to stay in "tune". “..........

 

 

bingo !! when my wife and I are conversing she invariably leaves out key elements of the conversation assuming i can fill in the blanks and understand her. and i invariably asked her to repeat alot and to please don't assume i know what she is thinking (but not saying).....sometimes it's just easier to smile, nod and pretend to understand.

on the other hand i've heard her in many conversations with other women and tried to follow along but get 'lost' in the translation but the women seem to understand perfectly....so here is what i do

 

...and I am slowly learning to simply say "yes, dear" ...

[SilvrT]

See what I mean? No? Hmmmm...

 

honey, isn't it about time you learned to spell my name correctly?? :rotf:

[Yammer Dan]

honey, isn't it about time you learned to spell my name correctly?? :rotf:

 

 

 

Now watch her claim You were spelling it wrong!!!:rotfl::rotfl: