I miss it so much.....

[Gamecock]

These past 10 weeks (today) have got to be the most trying time in my life. Since the wreck I have had such a run of emotions that sometimes I just can't control anymore. The little girl has no idea the affect her hitting me has put me and my family through.

 

Seeing a bike on the highway just kills me. I want to be back on one so bad, but then I think "what if I am not this lucky again?". My wife finally told me she doesn't want me on two wheels again and that just rips my heart out. I can't blame her though; she actually saw me splattered on the road; not knowing if her 28 year old husband would live. We have no children, but are at the time in our lives where the thought of them comes up daily and we want them so bad. What if I had had a little one and was killed? I know these are tough questions and there is no right or wrong answer. The bad thing is; I want another RSV so bad. I want to feel the wind on my face and the thrill of the ride. There are too many of you on here that I haven't met yet and want to ride with; even if just to Dairy Queen for an ice cream!

 

My father in law who has ridden for 35 plus years refuses to even talk bikes. He put his HD Ultra up for sale the day after the wreck and swore on his life he will never ride again. The thought of me almost dieing and my brother in law going down has really affected him in the worst ways. I can't say I blame him either.

 

My dad who also went down in the accident swears he will ride again. It's in his blood and won't come out. He looked death in the face with leukemia, a motorcycle accident doesn't faise him. My mom who went down with him doesn't know what to think. Two hard headed men in her life (dad and me) that both have a strong urge for 2 wheels. She watched the car hit me from 50 feet back. She's still a mess; but I thank God every second it was me who took the hit.

 

So what do I do? Follow my heart or my wife and mom's wishes; just walk away, count my blessings, and find a new hobby. I miss it so much and can't stand the thought of some spoiled 17 year old taking something I love so much but I also don't want my family to constantly think "what if?". I am in such a tough spot.

 

My arms still aren't healed and the pain is constant. I went 6 days without pain medicine and about went out of my mind. I am almost to the point where I will either choose to go back to work in lots of pain or long term disability. I'm 28, I thought I was invinceable; I have been showed differently. I don't know what hurts more my broken arms or my broken heart.

 

Okay I'll stop for now....I am sorry to go on and on but thanks for listening. Ventureriders has given me so much, I just wish I could partly repay it.

 

God Bless All Of You!!!

 

 

Ben

[Hummingbird]

whichever way you decide, it will be your decision. You have a lot of people to factor into that decision and don't forget your own self worth. You can't always please everybody but you must please yourself to one degree or another.

 

Good luck with your healing process, mentally and physically.

[painterman67]

hey Ben,

 

Gald to see you on here. Talk, vent ,scream, whatever it takes to get through whats on your mind. I understand your feelings. At 21 I had an accident on my 88 1150 intercepter. I was doing 65 mph when a litle old lady pulled out in fromt of me. I was not injured luckily so Im not going to try to compare what happened to me to what went on with you. It took me almost 20 years to get back on a bike and still have the deamons stick their heads up and say what if.

 

The mind game is however the same. Do what you must to clear your head. Although your wife and mother are a big part of your mental stability, its still your decision to make. I made the decision not to ride again because of my mother. For me it was the wrong decision. For you only you can figure that one out. Good luck and you can always reach me if you kneed to talk. Facebook, here , or just look up my number in my profile.

 

 

David

[MiCarl]

I really enjoy riding, but don't think I'd do it if my wife wasn't supportive. Doubt I'd ride if the kids weren't grown either. Sounds like you still have some healing to do, take a season off and revisit it next year. At 28 you've got a lot of time to get back into it later.

[BEER30]

My wife threatens to Kill me just about everyday (JK !) But I still love her.........

She really doesn't , but I have them thoughts that she really does or does she ? I don't know for sure now, but I LOVE her regardless.

 

You .....yourself will come to your own true conclusion. Whether the worse is to happen, it will come at any time, any place, or on any possible means of transportation if that may be. No one knows when or how, and for someone to dwell on a set way the day you come forth before your maker will live a miserable life. To say it in the most simple and in a bold manner , "When your number is up, it's up". There's not a darn thing you can do about it. Don't take life so darn SERIOUSLY that it KILLS you. But instead be RESPONSIBLE and have FUN at it. That's why I am so damn HAPPY!

 

And if it was of any consequences, I would let you ride in the BEERCART if it wasn't against the law.

 

BEER30

[Wanderer]

I've wrecked, I've been hurt, but if I couldn't ride I might as well have been killed.

My knees are about shot and I may have to one day, trike it, but I will ride until

that time comes. I'm an old man any way, so what do I know. Good luck on

your decision.

[Pappa Bear]

The only thing I think I would say to you is to take some time away from riding! When you really love riding then not being able to its kinda like loosing that first love, lots of emotion, mentally and phsyically and both hurt. Then see how you feel about things. Like someone else said, at 28 years old there is plenty of time to decide on riding. My prayer for you is for peace of mind and a healthy family!

[E-Fishin-C]

Go with your heart , I was rear ended and dragged 90 ft with Squidley 99 ,Totalled his scoot I said I would never ride again but deep down its in my blood to ride not all have these emotions regarding riding

 

Im 57, just sitting on a scoot my adrelalin gets sky high,

[Monty]

All I can say is, you have to do what's in your heart. Myself, if my wife told me(she never would) that I can't ride anymore, I'd have to tell her too bad, because I love it so much.

 

If you live your life, and don't do the things you enjoy doing, yhen you've wasted it, and there was no reason for living. Sure, you take a chance every time you get on the bike, but that's what life is about. You could die just as quickly in a cage, or at work.

 

Life is too short. Enjoy every minute of it, whatever you decide.

[Marcarl]

All I can say is, you have to do what's in your heart. Myself, if my wife told me(she never would) that I can't ride anymore, I'd have to tell her too bad, because I love it so much.

 

If you live your life, and don't do the things you enjoy doing, yhen you've wasted it, and there was no reason for living. Sure, you take a chance every time you get on the bike, but that's what life is about. You could die just as quickly in a cage, or at work.

 

Life is too short. Enjoy every minute of it, whatever you decide.

Amen to that bro

Carl

[ediddy]

I hope you recover from your accident soon. It's hard to say what I would do because I haven't experienced what you have. There is one thing I wonder about. People get hurt and killed in auto accidents everyday but I have never hear anyone say they will never get in an auto again.

[gibvel]

#1 heal up so you have no more pain. That is the first thing that you must do. You probably couldn't ride comfortably anyway and probably couldn't handle the bike well. When you can do everything you need to do to ride, without pain, then you can start to think about riding again.

 

This will give your mind a chance to look at things in a broader frame as well. It will also give your family and friends time to heal mentally.

 

Bottom line is you need to take time for your body and mind to heal and have a clear head to make the decision. You may decide that it's not worth it. You may decide that you need to take more time to let people heal. You may decide to take time off while you have kids and have them grow.

[Gamecock]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I really needed this!!! I would guess it will be at least a year before I could ride safely. According to the therapist I have the strength of an 8 year old in my left arm; pitiful for a 265lb man I know! Anyhow, just wanted to thank everyone.

 

here's to healing!

 

 

Ben

[hig4s]

If you decide to give it up, (maybe even if you don't) thought I would share this.

 

Back in 93 I gave up motorcycles for ten years. No accident or anything like that, we had little kids and I wanted to do things with them. So I sold all my bikes, had three, and bought into time shares with Disney Vacation Club, became a little league coach, and spent my free time with my family.

 

What got me through was I bought myself a Jeep Wrangler. I find them as close to a motorcycle as you can get and be on four wheels. Fanatically loyal following, more aftermarket parts than you can shake a stick at, and begs you to add a new farkle daily. Throw the top down and you have the same wind and weather in your face. You can even take the doors off.

 

2003, my kids were old enough I had spare time again, so got back into motorcycles. Again for awhile had three, four if you counted my son's dirt bike too.

 

Last year got very sick and ended up in the hospital for two weeks, and then had rehab and wasn't able to ride at all for sometime. Considered selling the Venture but my companies medical insurance was good and I didn't need the money. Now I am able to ride again and still do occasionally, but not near as much as I did. Just don't have the desire to take the risks I use to take. And of course motorcycling is more of a risk than driving a cage. And I still have a Jeep Wrangler, newer one, and I still find driving it almost as fun as driving a motorcycle. I still have the Venture and maybe I will get back to riding more, maybe not. But until I'm sure, I will keep it.

 

And of course if you decide not to ride, there are always dirt bikes, ATVs, and Jet Skis, all similar to motorcycles in excitement without the constant worry of traffic.

 

 

You got to do what works for you, Hang in there.

[buddy]

When it comes right down to it you are the one that has to make the final decision on this, family members will give their own opinion on how you should live your life and I see it every time I go see my Dad on my bike he is 75 yrs old and has a pace maker now and he loves looking at my bike saying how much he would love to ride again but his health will not allow it now

his wife (not my Mom)told him to stop riding bikes over 20yrs ago and he did, he did everything she said he should do over the years, and now he regrets every minute of it he loves her but he said he missed out on his life of riding bikes and now he wished he had it back. some times I hate riding over there on my bike because he misses riding so much but yet his eyes glow seeing me riding the bike saying I was living his dream now.

And his bad health is not from motorcycles but from falling off a tractor trailer breaking his back - oil rig tool breaking and busting up his right knee two car wrecks leaving his left side weak

NOT once was he ever hurt riding a bike! goes to show everyday life is just as dangerous !!!

[Sandbagger]

Hope you are feeling better as I write this. I'm 48. At 28 I had a 1 year old. I had a passion for flying. I was building a plane. About the time it was built my extended family had an intervention with me. Told me I needed to sell the plane. Said I couldn't afford to die even if I had a 2 million dollar life insurance policy (I didn't) because my son (s) would need me. They were right in my opinion. I had to put what I wanted on the back burner. I have taught my sons what they need to know at this point of life. I have taken care of things financially in case if something happens to me. I feel that I can now do some things that are more selfish and involve more risk (motorcyles for instance). Kids change everything in my opinon. "You" gets put on the back burner. My extended family still does not like what I do, but I don't owe them like I owe my kids. I don't owe my wife like I owe my kids. Your 28. It is not if, it is when as they say. If you keep riding you will likely have another "when". If "when" happens can you leave the people in your life behind and leave them whole or will people be left with financial hardship and life lessons untaught? For me, I have needed to have conversations with my wife and extended family so we can come to terms with my activities now that my kids are older. I have had to have conversatons with my late teen and early 20's. I have people on board now. At 28 I did not have people on board. I could not afford to die. You are facing decisions at at time of life where you realize that other people have a say in your life. Big decisions with kids possibly in your future as well. I wish you luck and a clear head.

[Monty]

When my sons were 4 and 5 years old, I started them riding. Me, my wife and both boys had dirt bikes for several years. We had GREAT times going camping and riding, going to new riding places, and motocross racing. It's a family love for riding, even to this day. My boys tell me they are soooo glad that I taught them to ride. My oldest son still rides with me today, as he bought my old bike from me(dirt cheap). Other son is contemplating his next ride, after riding one last week.

 

If hobbies are a family thing, it's much easier on the whole crew. Get them started early. Even if you don't ride on the street again, at 28, you can still enjoy playing in the dirt.

[TDunc]

Gamecock, It was almost 15 years ago on a road you probably don't know anything about (Two Notch Road - Columbia, SC) that I decided to sell my bike and use the proceeds to by a friggin big leather chair and ottoman. Within a week it was a done deal.

What prompted this was the desire to have kids - (knowing the responsibly I would have to provide for them and my wife) and the kicking of three car doors on Two Notch road on a 1.5 mile ride from my office to my home in ONE day.

 

Almost being hit by three cars pales greatly in comparison to your situation.

I said all that to get to this.

 

There is a plan for your life.. as some have already said, you have to make the decision and live with the consequences. Never regret any that you make. Learn from your mistakes and be happy to move forward.

 

My kids are now 14 and 15 and I would not have missed a day with them. I am glad that I put my riding on hold for 12 years to be there for mine.

 

Remember too that an apparent closed door is not a bad thing. Turn around, there is usually an open one behind you somewhere.

 

Now to another subject. You have been on our groups prayer list since the wreck. remember that many continue to do that for you and your family. You are not alone.

 

I hope for your continued healing and that the pain goes away soon....but not too soon, I am told that the pain is a sign of healing too.

 

Later dude! I look forward to meeting you.

Edited June 6, 2010 by TDunc
dang fingers

[KarlS]

Guess it's how you look at things. 39 years riding bikes and driving cars, no bike accidents 4 cage accidents with no major injuries. Years ago when I was young was taken a shower, sneezed and ended up in hospital for two weeks in traction. Stepped off the porch and blew out my knee. Three knee operations. The big one, went to go down in the basement, slipped fell and broke my back in three places. Years of physical Therapy, 2 back surgeries and everything else you can think of, now 100% disabled. Life just hands you the cards and you have to play them the best you can. My bike is my drug, no matter how bad things are or how depressed I get I jump on the bike and within 5 minutes nothings bothering me. I came home refreshed and in a good mood. Sometimes we just have to hold on to something that is just for us. Now I included both my kids in riding and my 12 year old Daughter won't let me get out the drive without her. Good Luck on whatever you decide.

[Gamecock]

These words mean so much. I have a lot of time to think all of this through as I heal. Thanks again everyone!

 

I know Two Notch well, I grew up in Myrtle beach and love my GAMECOCKS!

 

Ben

[Skid]

Take your time and make your own decision on how you want to live your life and be remembered. It was less than a year ago after a routine checkup a doctor came back and mentioned the "C" word. At that time I had two young kids and my wife was about 6 months pregnant. I took the next few weeks deciding what was important in my life. The tumor was benign, but I'm still a long ways from being out of the woods yet today. I've learn to thank God for each additional day and live it to the fullest. I probably ride more carefully now a days knowing how much my wife and three kids depend on me, but dad wouldn't be dad if I wasn't riding. Apparently God has further plans for me and only he knows when that time will come. Take your time to think about it, and discuss it with Him and your wife. And anytime you need our two cents, we are always here too.....

[Aussie Annie]

#1 heal up so you have no more pain. That is the first thing that you must do. You probably couldn't ride comfortably anyway and probably couldn't handle the bike well. When you can do everything you need to do to ride, without pain, then you can start to think about riding again.

 

This will give your mind a chance to look at things in a broader frame as well. It will also give your family and friends time to heal mentally.

 

Bottom line is you need to take time for your body and mind to heal and have a clear head to make the decision. You may decide that it's not worth it. You may decide that you need to take more time to let people heal. You may decide to take time off while you have kids and have them grow.

 

:sign yeah that: Ben, give yourself time to heal (mentally & physically)

It's been 21/2 years since my bad accident, and Quickstep (Alan) knows what it means to me to ride. My shoulder's were damaged as well as the legs and I don't have upper body strength..so I put a trike kit on the bike.

When the time is right, you will know what to do...but, be true to yourself as: "only you make you happy" everyone else enriches that! :bighug::bighug:

[RoadKill]

It has to be YOUR decision, no one elses. Do what ever you do for your self. In 2005 I totalled an RSTD in Tennessee. I really thought my wife might say the same as yours that she didn't want me to ride. However, we both feel that when God wants to call you home it will happen one way or another. Doesn't matter if you stop riding, you could fall off a curb or have a blow out in your car on the interstate.

 

I'm pushin 50 and didn't start riding till 10 yrs ago or so. I have found that life is way too short and wish I had started doing it a long time ago. However, at the time my parents were very against riding and I listened too much to what they thought. I resent that now. Don't let it happen to you.

 

Oh by the way, I was laid up for 5 weeks off work. During week 3 of recovery I bought my RSV.

[Condor]

Right now I think you should concentrate on getting well, and then make a decision. You can't bury your head in the sand every time something bad happens in your life, but just remember, you married your wife... not the bike... And time heals all wounds.

[cecdoo]

Lots of great advice here Ben, just take it one day at a time with your recovery, try to think of all the things you "can" do instead of the things you cant, try to find something to laugh about everyday. Nerve damage takes alot of time to heal, try to find something you enjoy doing to take your mind off of all your free time, Learn something new, keep as busy as you can. Hang in there buddy and try to enjoy every day. Craig