Quick ride 'round the block=400 miles later + Angry message from her b/f

[Guest tx2sturgis]

So THAT's my problem. I spend ALL day (and most nights) researching, calculating, working out problems, analyzing data etc and when I get on the bike I let all that go and focus on riding and relaxing INSTEAD of using my head.

 

 

Maybe I should make a shirt that says "Slow down and explain it to me, I'm just a guy"

 

You just became part of her 'test'. She was testing her b/f, not you. Or maybe, she WAS testing you. Either way, it looks like HE is still passing her tests, and yet oblivious to them. All women 'test' the men they are interested in.

 

Just google it. OR:

 

http://themodernrenman.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-women-test-men-and-men-should-test.html

 

http://www.3secrets.net/test_men_testing_man.html

 

http://www.diserio.com/women-tests.html

 

 

 

 

 

[LilBeaver]

You just became part of her 'test'. She was testing her b/f, not you. Or maybe, she WAS testing you. Either way, it looks like HE is still passing her tests, and yet oblivious to them. All women 'test' the men they are interested in.

 

Just google it. OR:

 

http://themodernrenman.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-women-test-men-and-men-should-test.html

 

http://www.3secrets.net/test_men_testing_man.html

 

http://www.diserio.com/women-tests.html

 

 

LOL. I appreciate the thought; since we are 'going there' I guess I should go ahead and speak the rest of my mind on this 'issue' here and now to really clarify the situation for anyone who might be following along.

 

First and foremost our (mine and her) friendship started because we shared an office and work in the same field. The catalyst for the friendship, or the medium that seemed to inspire conversation and a connection beyond work was a common interest in bikes. Her interest in bikes stems from her childhood (and I will give her the benefit of the doubt on being honest with me about why she was interested in bikes). Perhaps I am just a 'tool' to 'test' her current b.f. but I cannot ignore the possibility that extension of my excitement and enjoyment of bikes was a medium for us to develop a platonic friendship.

 

Now, I will admit that the additional 'drama' with the other guy in the picture does add an 'interesting' element as to potential motivations for our interactions, but, she does have many other friends that happen to be guys as well. Therefore, I have limited reason to see why I would stick out any differently than anyone else. Well, other than the fact that I was the only one with a bike.

 

Your insight as to the 'competition' aspect or 'jealousy' aspect is a rather intriguing aspect though and from a purely 'outsider' standpoint, I can definitely see some validity to that perspective and certainly note the implications that ensue. While I may be dense at times, some have even likened my ability to see and appropriately respond to members of the opposite gender's attempts at courtship or flirting to the intelligence of a sack of sh.. well shall we say potatoes or rocks? And maybe I have demonstrated that throughout this situation as well. Given this circumstances that make up this particular situation I do think that a much less Freudian approach to human nature is necessary to get a true and accurate overall picture. If we were talking about a nightclub, singles bar, or other type of social gathering type scene/encounter; or quite frankly if it started anyway OTHER than how it did, I would have definitely been much quicker to hop on that bandwagon.

 

I do realize that the blood to the head theory holds a lot of merit and I do have a large tendency to over think things which leads me to the fact that there is certainly a distinct possibility that I am simply a 'tool' (save the smart @$$ comments for later because I do mean it in both senses of the word) -- It wouldn't be the first time. However, given the circumstances and personality of my friend (much of which I may NOT have represented very fairly in this thread since I have focused primarily on the excitement of riding, sharing motorcycling with someone else and my poking fun at the behavior of the other male associated with this particular situation), I am leaning towards the explanation of her behavior as a notion of competitiveness, attempt at jealousy or supremacy, in this particular situation, is not intended to be harmful or a 'test' in any way.

I certainly do not have much of a feel for the other guy involved since my interactions with him have been limited to a voice message, verbal exchange, then what was outlined in my last post.

 

In my book, chivalry isn't dead. Make your 'Forrest Gump' jokes if you'd like; I have had my share of relationships. Some were over very quickly, some not so quickly and one that lasted several years. Maybe that is why I'm not in a hurry to let a woman get in between me and my life goals again, or maybe it is the fact that I'm all about developing real connections with the people I spend time with and get to know them very well before proceeding down a path of pursuing a closer personal relationship.

 

One thing I DO know for sure is that when I get out on the bike, out in the open and cruise along - I can truly relax and enjoy myself. I guess that is why I get so excited for the people around me when they take an interest in riding. With the peace of mind and sense of personal freedom that my bike has brought and continues to bring me I guess I just get caught up in it when someone else takes an interest in it as well since I have the hope it will bring them a similar peace.

 

At any rate, I feel like dropping the friendship entirely now would be a mistake; however, pretending like there is nothing going on is certainly NOT wise either (since that could mean un-necessarily giving up a friendship). So, all of this being said, some more careful observation and a direct (but tactful) conversation or two will be able to answer some more questions before anything too dramatic (and likely leading to unnecessary drama) happens.

 

With all of this said, I have a hard time going with what someone writes in their blog or some writer scribbles down in 'cosmo'. While some of them may have made some good observations and have a particular perspective on aspects of human behavior that can be generalized enough to sound reasonable; and I will acknowledge that sometimes magazine writers are qualified in whatever they write about or they do their own research (based on, for example, actual published research in the some of the Psychology or sociology journals) I personally will stick to what I read in the credible sources that are out for the sake of science instead of entertainment. What might appear as skepticism or hard hardheadedness stems from the fact that one of my degrees happens to be in Psychology, followed by a minor in sociology. I am obviously no expert in my own personal human interactions, but I think I'll still stick with what I have studied, observed and learned from folks doing 'real' research over some blog or entertainment magazine. I have to be careful because I certainly know that some of the 'real' research being conducted by some quacks and sociologists out there is complete hokum, there are some really nice theories that have been tested many different ways and have been continually refined over decades of work.

 

Okay mini-lecture over .

Sorry about the long post, but, I guess I felt like I needed to 'paint' a better picture of where I stand and why I am where I am at.

 

I do really appreciate the input and concern that some of you have expressed both publicly and privately and bottom line: no worries folks, as I have stated all along - my intentions are and have been pure and if it turns out that there are some shenanigans going on that I am missing, then I'll ride on and not look back.

 

I call it being dense but I guess really it only took one or two go arounds for me to decide/learn that life is too short for the b.s.

 

With that said, maybe a weekend in Amarillo to kick back and make some new friends ought to be in order anyways .

 

Until next time...

[Sleeperhawk]

So after all that, you just want to be "Friends", correct?

[hale374]

Been following this now since the beginning. I understand the friendship thing, but also understand where texsturgis is coming from as well. Look at it this way, if you really want to find out what she is up to, on the next ride bring an unannounced female friend to ride with you and explain to her that she needs to ride with her boyfriend. You can still share your enjoyment of motorcycles, but now each male is paired up. Only then will you find out if it's truly a friend thing for both you and her, or she's using you as a "tool".

 

Try it!!!

[pickinfred]

Been following this now since the beginning. I understand the friendship thing, but also understand where texsturgis is coming from as well. Look at it this way, if you really want to find out what she is up to, on the next ride bring an unannounced female friend to ride with you and explain to her that she needs to ride with her boyfriend. You can still share your enjoyment of motorcycles, but now each male is paired up. Only then will you find out if it's truly a friend thing for both you and her, or she's using you as a "tool".

 

Try it!!!

 

After taking a stroll down memory lane, I'd almost bet this ride wouldn't require a "Fuel Stop".

[massey130]

Been following this now since the beginning. I understand the friendship thing, but also understand where texsturgis is coming from as well. Look at it this way, if you really want to find out what she is up to, on the next ride bring an unannounced female friend to ride with you and explain to her that she needs to ride with her boyfriend. You can still share your enjoyment of motorcycles, but now each male is paired up. Only then will you find out if it's truly a friend thing for both you and her, or she's using you as a "tool".

 

Try it!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this may be an idea to try, but I would not spring it on anyone at the departure point.

that is just me. I would arrange a ride in advance with the arrangement that each driver will have a passenger.

 

there have been occations we all know about where the original thought would be viable, but I don't think this situation is one of those times.

[autopilot]

For what it's worth, in my experience, a solid friendship is something to keep. If it IS solid, all the extraneous crap will fall away and leave the friendship intact. You guys work together (another discussion entirely), have the common interests of your field of endeavor, the obvious interest in bikes & the open road. As long as eyes are wide open, I don't really see a problem. Admittedly, I tend to be a bit more......shall we say pragmatic and maybe a little more guarded than most, so I tend to value the connection more. If what she's doing isn't mercenary (ie- intentional) and even if it is (within limits)...no harm, no foul. For all we know, she could be operating almost entirely from her sub-conscious on this issue and not even be aware of creating any drama or test.

 

We here have not been privvy to your conversations with her, so we don't know the extent to which Plato has been imposed. Based on your own discussion of the situation here, for any number of reasons, you are in the main, comfortable with it, as is, for the time being and that is (A) fine and (B) more important than any opinion we have about it.

 

You have indicated that you are a scientifically minded person both intellectually and by profession, meaning that you have an analytical mind. As you have stated, those qualities have not been lost on this situation. And not being jaded about it has it's advantages. In sum, I see not one thing wrong with your approach or your reasoning (not that you need my signoff on it). I think what may be missing for some is the knowledge that being scientifically minded in an arena like physics, demands an almost inate ability to observe in great detail, analyze in depth, formulate a thorough response and then react. It's almost second nature and can occur in a few seconds or days or months or years as the subject matter warrants. It also gets tweaked on the fly as variables change. You know this.....It is me stating the obvious. My point is that while this a most interesting little life drama that I and others take some delight in following (and offering our wisdom on), you're there....1st person, present tense and a party to it!

 

Finally, based on your postings to date, I think you've clearly stated that while not immediately interested in a more intimate relationship, you are not one to close off that avenue entirely, IF you and/or she decide to go in that direction (this would be where those additional conversations come into play). I don't know your age and it's not important, but you seem to have been around the block once or twice, seem to have a handle on it, so, all things considered, I think you'll do OK whatever happens. You'll do OK, that is, IF you don't do like many science guys and over-think/over-analyze it to the point of untimely indecision. Good luck!

 

PS-I find chivalry refreshing in this day and age!

 

 

 

 

 

It's hard to get away from my science-mind, instructor roots and having raised 2 boys...you just assume you know better and have to teach.

[Guest tx2sturgis]

Bump!

 

Any updates?

 

[LilBeaver]

Bump!

 

Any updates?

 

 

Well - sorry to disappoint, but nothing really. I have been working my tail off. I am getting ready for a defense of my project/research proposal. This will be the last presentation and submission to my advisory committee before I submit and have to defend my dissertation. So, I have been a bit focused lately. I have been so busy I haven't even snuck out for a ride on my own since... well... Since the last post here about a ride actually.

 

 

My friend and I have chatted some here and there about kinds of bikes and what all she's interested in and such, she seems to be leaning more towards a cruiser but still hasn't found the 'right' bike for her yet (she has also been a bit too busy to do any shopping on her own other than poking around on the internet). We've talked about buzzing over to a few dealerships to take a look at what is available and such but haven't really taken the time to do so yet (mostly because of my schedule; but again, her schedule is a bit crazy too).

 

Don't worry Brian - I'll update with the pertinent info

[mini-muffin]

Well ya know Brian isn't the only one waiting to hear how things go. :whistling:There's a few of us that have been following you're travels shall we say. Boyfriend still in the picture? Sorry just had to ask. You just make sure she doesn't hurt you in any way or she'll have a few folks to deal with. I know you aren't dating and it's friends, but she's been warned. We get overprotective of our family ya know.

 

Margaret

[dr_bar]

Don't know how I missed this thread but it has been entertaining to say the least. Friendships come and go, it's the GOOD Friendships that stick around, and these don't even get farther than friendship status sometimes. I just hope your ship eventually comes in, and that you're not at the airport when that happens.... LOL

[LilBeaver]

Nope, nothing new - just a few responses.

 

For what it's worth, in my experience, a solid friendship is something to keep. If it IS solid, all the extraneous crap will fall away and leave the friendship intact. You guys work together (another discussion entirely), have the common interests of your field of endeavor, the obvious interest in bikes & the open road. As long as eyes are wide open, I don't really see a problem. Admittedly, I tend to be a bit more......shall we say pragmatic and maybe a little more guarded than most, so I tend to value the connection more. If what she's doing isn't mercenary (ie- intentional) and even if it is (within limits)...no harm, no foul. For all we know, she could be operating almost entirely from her sub-conscious on this issue and not even be aware of creating any drama or test.

 

We here have not been privvy to your conversations with her, so we don't know the extent to which Plato has been imposed. Based on your own discussion of the situation here, for any number of reasons, you are in the main, comfortable with it, as is, for the time being and that is (A) fine and (B) more important than any opinion we have about it.

 

You have indicated that you are a scientifically minded person both intellectually and by profession, meaning that you have an analytical mind. As you have stated, those qualities have not been lost on this situation. And not being jaded about it has it's advantages. In sum, I see not one thing wrong with your approach or your reasoning (not that you need my signoff on it). I think what may be missing for some is the knowledge that being scientifically minded in an arena like physics, demands an almost inate ability to observe in great detail, analyze in depth, formulate a thorough response and then react. It's almost second nature and can occur in a few seconds or days or months or years as the subject matter warrants. It also gets tweaked on the fly as variables change. You know this.....It is me stating the obvious. My point is that while this a most interesting little life drama that I and others take some delight in following (and offering our wisdom on), you're there....1st person, present tense and a party to it!

 

Finally, based on your postings to date, I think you've clearly stated that while not immediately interested in a more intimate relationship, you are not one to close off that avenue entirely, IF you and/or she decide to go in that direction (this would be where those additional conversations come into play). I don't know your age and it's not important, but you seem to have been around the block once or twice, seem to have a handle on it, so, all things considered, I think you'll do OK whatever happens. You'll do OK, that is, IF you don't do like many science guys and over-think/over-analyze it to the point of untimely indecision. Good luck!

 

PS-I find chivalry refreshing in this day and age!

 

 

 

 

 

It's hard to get away from my science-mind, instructor roots and having raised 2 boys...you just assume you know better and have to teach.

 

Wow. This pretty much hits the nail right on the head. Better watch it though, too many of us 'sciency' people around and who knows what'll happen

Thank you very much for your input - I really do think that your explanation fits quite well with how I have been 'feeling' about this whole thing.

 

Well ya know Brian isn't the only one waiting to hear how things go. :whistling:There's a few of us that have been following you're travels shall we say. Boyfriend still in the picture? Sorry just had to ask. You just make sure she doesn't hurt you in any way or she'll have a few folks to deal with. I know you aren't dating and it's friends, but she's been warned. We get overprotective of our family ya know.

 

Margaret

 

Well fine then - don't worry about it I will keep this thread updated with the pertinent information about rides, etc. - how's that?

As far as the 'boyfriend' goes, he hasn't really come up. As I mentioned before, I have been quite busy and while we have chatted, I haven't asked and she hasn't mentioned - so, as far as I'm concerned it is none of my business unless she wants it to be or until another ride comes up.

I don't pretend to understand you wimmun folk , but I have learned the hard way [a few times] that I need to keep my guard up more - but since I have not been looking for anything more than friends to begin with seems like a fine way to keep from getting hurt. I appreciate the concern and knowing that you've got my back

 

... Friendships come and go, it's the GOOD Friendships that stick around, and these don't even get farther than friendship status sometimes.

 

 

Well put.

 

...I just hope your ship eventually comes in, and that you're not at the airport when that happens.... LOL

 

LOL. Thanks - With the way things seem to be going for me the 'ship' sighting land would be a nice step in the right direction...

[LilBeaver]

After today, I think it is time for an update.

 

Since my last post I have been working pretty much non-stop 7 days a week, etc etc. Wednesday of this week my friend stopped in my lab and we chatted a bit. Some work related but mostly about motorcycles (and what she wants -- I'll get to that). She found out that I am headed out of town for two and a half weeks and wanted a ride before I left. Well, shucks. I wanted a ride before I left too, so we decided that Sunday (today) would work the best and so it goes.

 

I won't go into the details but we discussed the situation and things have been cleared up - I will leave it as that... for now.

 

Original departure was going to be another morning run, then back to work in the afternoon. I called Saturday evening to confirm our departure plan and she asked if I would mind if 'he' came along too. No biggie/sure why not.

Sunday morning comes around and I woke up to 45 degrees and rain; however the forecasted high of low 70's and sun later in the after noon prompted me to go ahead and call the audible and delay our start. So 2pm is the new departure time.

 

So, 2pm rolls around and I pick her up. He has his bike gassed up and ready to roll too (as planned). We all exchange minor chit-chat and then take off. No particular destination in mind nor is there a planned route. I'm in the lead and both of them said they didn't care where we went or how long we were out, so I let-r-rip. My original plan was to keep the ride short so that I could come back and get back to work, but I bet ya'll can guess what happened instead.

The first 45 minutes or so was actually rather quiet. I was decompressing a little bit from my last couple of weeks, not to mention I am terrible at 'small talk' and am perfectly happy to ride in 'silence' (well, the radio was on, but that was it). Once we made it into the non-boring part of the road I turned down the radio and for the rest of the ride the radio was down for purposes of conversation.

 

She is doing well. Over the course of the last few weeks we have had numerous conversations about different kinds of bikes and whatnot, she made it out to a big dealer down in San Antonio (where she's from) and sat on just about every cruiser we talked about and then some. She decided that the Kaw Vulcan was the one that she likes the best, all around. He isn't overly enthusiastic about that decision since it isn't a dual sport, but some careful nudging reminder her that it will be her bike and she is the one that will be riding it so it ought to be something that she will want and be comfortable on.

 

Anyhoo, the ride was overall rather enjoyable. Put on just under 300 miles today and enjoyed ever single one of them. The weather was a little cool and we got sprinkled on a little bit, but it was very nice over all.

 

I didn't interact with him very much, however, I wasn't rude or anything. I greeted him, asked how he was, asked about his bike, etc. On our 1 stop (for fuel) there was some minor chit-chat about how things were going with him, making sure I wasn't going too fast or anything. When I dropped her off at her house, he pulled in behind me and we chatted a little more about the bikes; he commented on my rear lighting, I asked about his seat (he has apparently put some more padding in it), and we compared horns. He was interested in getting an air horn and asked what I would recommenced. So, things were civil.

 

Anyhoot, we're tentatively headed out again shortly after I get back. She may or may not have her bike by then. Either way, if there is interest I'll post again.

 

Oh yea (as I'm writing this I realize that I may regret telling ya'll this but... here we go anyways) I had mentioned to her that I'm likely headed down to Big Bend to do some riding with some friends in November and boy, was she excited about that... SO, I don't know if I can trust ya'll to behave but we'll see...

 

Aside needing to stay up most of the night to finish some of the work I am supposed to have done for tomorrow, it was another great day and I was LONG overdue for a nice ride.

 

I have attached a few pictures.

 

Until next time...

 

[Aussie Annie]

Thanks for the latest episode in the "day in the life of...."

Glad you got to have a great ride

[Dave77459]

*snip*

Oh yea (as I'm writing this I realize that I may regret telling ya'll this but... here we go anyways) I had mentioned to her that I'm likely headed down to Big Bend to do some riding with some friends in November and boy, was she excited about that... SO, I don't know if I can trust ya'll to behave but we'll see...

*snip*

It's better to tell us up front and warn us to behave than to spring your friend on us and let us do what comes natural. LOL

 

I hadn't heard that you were going to try to join us. It'll be awesome if you do.

 

Dave

[LilBeaver]

It's better to tell us up front and warn us to behave than to spring your friend on us and let us do what comes natural. LOL

 

I hadn't heard that you were going to try to join us. It'll be awesome if you do.

 

Dave

 

I had intentionally been keeping a lid on it because of the way my experiment schedule works, sometimes it is difficult to plan real far ahead. So, I am hoping to make it (and that the panhandle weather will cooperate with me)... But it is still a bit unsure at this time.

[jpbragwell1215]

Nice bike! great pictures too!! Maybe the boyfriend needs to buy a Bike! :doh::doh:Jim in Tennessee.

[gunboat]

hi rick

hope you can make the "BEND RIDE" it will be good to see ya again. any friend of yours is our friend.

reguards

don c.

[LilBeaver]

Thanks Don! It'd be good to see you as well as meet up with some of the Texas group. We're in the same state, you'd think we'd see each other more... sheesh

-------------------

Well I've got some terrific news. I got a message from her and she just got home (at the time of the message anyways) with her brand new (to her) bike!!

 

:happy65::happy65::happy65::happy65:

 

It is an 02 Honda Shadow 750 (I believe it is the 'A.C.E. Deluxe' - based on the pictures) with 15k on the odo. Saddlebags, backrest/luggage rack, windshield and a few other goodies. I've only seen a picture of it. She really wanted a Vulcan but from what she said this bike was just too good of a deal to pass up. She also mentioned that she'd be okay turning it over for something different after she gets some miles in - she has been calling this her 'starter bike'.

 

Oh, she already has herself a really nice crash jacket, pair of gloves and a full face helmet - thanks to the lovely folks at NewEnough (they are located not far from Lubbock... lucky us)

 

I just hope the 02s are geared differently than my 97 1100 was. I hit 60 on that and it was screeeeeeeeeaming. Needless to say I had that bike for a little over 2 months (made money on the sale and rode it about 4k too).

 

I believe she has already changed her oil/fluids, checked pads, chain tension, etc.

 

Anyhoo, she is real happy with it and is anxious to go out riding.

 

 

This is the picture she sent me - it is not all that great of quality, but that's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll get better pictures soon

[Flyinfool]

Looks like a nice "starter" bike.

Now both you and her have bigger bikes than her old b/f.

Wonder if he will get a bigger one now???

[Grandpagak]

great story rick.

[massey130]

It is nice that she has her own ride. that is a nice one too. my wife is wanting her own ride too. we have a friend who may sell hers to us, but it is all in the talk stage. add this poor economy and we may have to wait awhile.

 

It is nice how this situation is coming along. another rider and female at that - great.

[LilBeaver]

Well, time for another update.

 

Despite being extremely busy at work she pokes her head in my lab late last week and we chat a little bit. She hasn't had much of a chance to get out and ride her own bike so she wanted to know if I'd be up for a ride the following weekend. Warning me that it might be short since she is still getting used to riding out on the real road and whatnot.

 

Of course my response is, sure - I'm always up for a ride.

 

The following Monday, she stops me again and we chat a little bit; turns out her sister is going to be in town and they both want to go for a ride but her sister needs to ride with someone... No problem.

 

So, yesterday rolls around and I head over there around noon or so. Get there, meet the sister, they are both excited and ready to go. We wait on the boyfriend for a little while to get his crap together - apparently he decided he wanted to come along at the last minute. Whatever.

 

So, we ended up riding for a few hours (~200 miles). She did great and if she didn't have another friend coming over that evening, we would have ridden a lot more. The route that I had suggested gave us a few places for planned stops to make sure she was doing okay and if she was getting tired we could have straight-lined back to her place in much less time than we had taken to get there. As it turns out, that was necessary.

 

The sister was toying with the idea of getting back into motorcycling (again, her last ride was with her dad on his goldwing). She had a blast, despite the craptastic roads around here.

The riding was only okay yesterday. Temperature wise it was fine (upper 60 low 70s) but we had a 20-30 mph wind out of the SSW, which ended up being a cross wind for a while, then on the way back it was almost a straight on headwind. My friend did fantastic at staying in her lane and compensating for the wind. She was a little tired when we got back, but still felt reasonably comfortable on her bike.

 

We stood around and chatted a bit afterwords and they invited me to stay for dinner. So, I did. Small BBQ, was quite tasty. Then, sadly I needed to get back to work.

 

My pictures didn't come out very well but here are two that were the best.

 

Sidenote: when riding she wears a crash jacket and a FF helmet.

 

All in all it was a pretty good day and she is absolutely LOVING her bike.

She also told me that she is really quite glad she didn't get a DS - she really likes her cruiser. I kept the 'I told you so' to myself, but I thought it.

 

 

Until next time:

 

Edited November 9, 2010 by LilBeaver
Removed Picture

[Flyinfool]

Sounds like a good time had by all.

 

So no pics of the sister????

 

Your slipping........

 

You know the rules here.....

[mini-muffin]

Well glad she's enjoying riding. You must be really good if you got her sister thinking about getting into bikes now. Should send all sorts of gals off with you and see if they'll ride too.

Oh didn't mention much about the boyfriend and how he did. So did he keep up with both of you? Or do we care? :rotf::rotf:

 

Margaret