re-thinking my wife riding..

[Guest seuadr]

so, i'm sure alot of you guys have your wives or significant others so.. i have a .. concern with my wife riding with me.

 

I had a tank slap today, combined with high wind.. quick thinking and a strong guardian angel were the only factors that kept me from becoming a hood ornimate on a volvo tractor trailer.

 

my wife decided not to go on the trip with me, and i'm extreemly thankful, because if she had been on the bike, i don't know if we would have made it out.

 

so my delimma is having my wife ride with me. i don't know if i could ever come to terms with her being hurt because of an accident when i got her into this to begin with. she's not an avid rider, but she has atgatt and likes to take a trip now and then. We've talked about riding alot more as a pair, the reason i got this venture, infact. I'm just not sure about it. any of you go thought this? any advice?

[Tom]

Well... Ive had the same thoughts. My wife has had 17 Spine and neck surgeries,If we fall She is a goner but She has told me She wants to live and its HER choice to ride so I have to suck it up and be as careful as I can be. We have had some of our best memories on the bike and met some fantastic peole. Will it tear me apart if we crash..you bet it will but I will always remember our good times but I will also Pray it never happens. Bottom line is we all handle crisis in different ways. I will continue to Pray nothing ever happens. Be safe,your heart is in the right place! Tom

[starkruzen]

I'm with you man! As funny as this may sound...I am too scared to take my wife riding with me. Just the thought of getting in an accident with her on the back is something I know that I would never forgive myself for.

 

She does go with me, not often though because she has to work on Sundays when I ride with my group. But, I still worry so, when I do take her. Is that a little strange?

[adventurer 08]

My wife rides with my over half the time the bike is on the road. Weve been all over the state of michigan, been to the Honda Hoot twice, and do many charity rides all summer long. All of use have had close calls, you just have to as careful as you can.My wife hates riding on the main freeways so we take A lot of back roads when we can. I do what makes her happy, it makes the day more injoyable.

[woolwich]

It is hard my wife rides with me all the time, and she is my world I would be devestated if anything ever happened to her but 19mths ago she went through brain surgery and now we both have changed and spend even more time together as we both realize that if one of us were to leave, we want those memories. Her close call has brought so much closer than we ever were. She just said to me how do you think I would feel if your out on the road and something happens and I find out from someone else or the police, so I guess the fear we feel for our wifes is felt by them for us also..

[Tom]

It is hard my wife rides with me all the time, and she is my world I would be devestated if anything ever happened to her but 19mths ago she went through brain surgery and now we both have changed and spend even more time together as we both realize that if one of us were to leave, we want those memories. Her close call has brought so much closer than we ever were. She just said to me how do you think I would feel if your out on the road and something happens and I find out from someone else or the police, so I guess the fear we feel for our wifes is felt by them for us also..

 

Well said..

[LilBeaver]

I hear you. I have had a few close calls on my own and had those exact thoughts of "thank Goodness I didn't have anyone with me".

 

I am okay with giving rides (significant other or a few other female friends that like to ride too). I just make sure to keep extra distance, and work twice as hard to make sure I see EVERYTHING and basically stay as far away from the cages as possible. In other words, I take defensive driving to the extreme.

 

Last summer I took a 5k mile trip (Texas to Michigan & back + lots of extra detours) my g/f wanted to come with (we both have family in Michigan). We talked a lot about taking the bike (she knew that I really wanted to) and what I decided was that if she was going to come along on that particular trip I was going to make sure she had the appropriate gear to minimize any damage if we went down. I bought her a new helmet, crash jacket (olympia airglide 2) and a few other safety items and I took it easy the whole way. I figured that if/when we do go down I don't want to be having after thoughts of "if she only was wearing a jacket" or whatever. The crash happening is inevitable - I figured the least I do everything in my power to be effectively prepared for when it does happen.

 

We ended up having a great trip and she was really glad we took the bike.

 

I have made a lot of memories on bikes with friends and while I do keep in the back of my mind that if anything happens I will feel responsible regardless of the circumstances - I make sure I am comfortable enough to control and handle any bike I am on before I give a ride (either around the block or cross-country). I also have the 'do and don't' talk with the passenger, and if they are not comfortable with any of the conditions of riding then they don't ride.

My first bike took me a good 5 or 10k miles before I was comfortable giving a ride to anyone - even just around the block.

 

Something to consider would be to take an advanced riding course and have your wife come with you. That way she can ride while you do the maneuvers and she can be prepared for those crappy situations too.

 

My Uncle has ridden motorcycles as long as I can remember. About 10 years ago, he had a spirt of grand kids come along and an unfortunate incident with him and my aunt on one of his bikes. After that, he hung up his helmet, sold his bikes and decided that they just have too much at stake as a family to risk someone else's stupidity damaging his family. He still rides occasionally and has a love for motorcycles but never with my aunt and he said that he is done owning bikes until his grand kids get old enough.

 

Anyways - have you talked with your wife about this? Maybe her views and opinions can put your mind at ease and help you two make an informed decision about your concerns here.

 

As always, ride safe!

[jrcain32]

"the reason i got this venture..."

 

I too moved up to a bigger bike thinking my wife may ride. It has never happened and probably never will happen. And I'm glad, in a way. She (and I) would be absolutely miserable. She is scared to death of an accident when we are in our cage so I know on a bike she would be terrified. It must be me she is scared of. When she drives and I am the passenger, she is more aggressive than I am. It does not bother her as long as she is behind the wheel but put her in the passenger seat and it's like everyone is out to get us. She will start squirming when a car 100 foot in front of us puts on his brake, thinking I don't see it. Approching an intersection is sometimes comical.

My buddies and I took a trip last year and on some of the roads we traveled she would have made me pull over and call someone to come get her. She would have never made to intire trip. I was truely thankful she was not with me. I love her to death but I am glad she does not ride with me.

[KarlS]

My Daughter loves to ride, rode with me last year from Mi to AR to Tn, KY, NC. Thats why my 83VR is getting complete updates on everything. I ride not to crash and the only other thing I can do is make sure the bike is in the best mechanical condition possible. Would feel awful if anything ever happened but can't keep her locked in a bubble all her life. I'm glad she likes to ride as much as I do. What I need to do is find better gear for her to wear when riding but hard to find in her sizes.

[Shamue]

I'm just the opposite. Wife has been riding on the back since we meet 32 years ago.

Our honeymoon was a 3 !/2 week trip around the country. She loves to ride and always aked to take the bike out to dinner, short evening rides. I do ride a little different when she's on the back, larger safety distances, little slowers speeds, but she has a very good since of how to be a passenger and just sit back and I'll do all the leaning with the bike. A very good partnership, that let's me go on too many to count 3 and 6 week rides as long as she can fly in some where and ride for her vacation time of 2 weeks and the fly back home. She also makes it easy when I can't find a buddy wanting to ride she is ready to go. She will do 600 mile days and if she gets tired she will nap like a baby in a car seat.

Together we have enjoyed so much of this country on a bike, that I don't have to tell her about it causing any jealous thoughts. We have had some close calls, and I pray a lot to have safe rides for all on bikes.

But I know what many of you are describing. The thought that your riding could hurt someone you care about very much, and we have talked about that. Her responce has always been she has confidence in my abilities and I have never done things with her that were careless to scare or impress her, just go responcible riding.

Some of her confort comes from me having taken motorcycle safety courses, and having gone through police motorcycle training and ridden a few years on the city streets.

Like many here can tell you a companion that likes or loves to ride as much as you do adds a lot to the biking or touring experience.

[OutlawRider]

It sounds like we all have the same concerns. My wife never wanted to get on a bike until one day I took her for a ride. Now when the bike goes, she is upset if she is not on it. She trust my judgements and knows it could happen but knows I do not take chances when we ride. We have not put as many miles on as many of you but together we have enjoyed every minute we ride together. I think of what could happen all the time.

[straycatt]

I've been down twice with a woman on the back of my bike. Different girl each time, one was the second date with my first future ex-wife. And both were more than 30 years ago.

 

Does it suck to go down and take someone with you? You bet. But neither time was on purpose (both were on dualsport bikes out in the boonies) and there were no substantial injuries. I got lucky. I still felt bad, but.......

Sheit happens.

Both girls got back on, many times, and we continued to have great adventures on the bikes.

 

All of the women in my life ride with me. Wife, daughters, friends, etc. and I'm careful with all of them.

None of us wants to be responsible for possibly hurting someone that we care about, but even if you hide from everything in life that's dangerous....you're still going to die some day.

I can't live my life on the premise that there are things that I should hide from because they are potentially dangerous and I won't deny the freedom to make that decision for themselves to the women that I love.

 

I've had some of the best times of my life on the back of a motorcycle with the women in my life and I know they feel the same.

If they want to ride with me, they're welcome to get on and I'll do every thing I can to keep them safe. Knowing, full well that if I fail, it was still worth the risk.

[jfoster]

I'm 39 and have never been in a significate crash with over 1 million miles of driving. My wife hates riding with me whether it be in a truck, car, or mc. Her reasoning is she feels like my time is coming and she doesn't want to be with me when it comes. All I can say is, "ok."

[mini-muffin]

Well I ride on the back of the bike. I go with the hubby all the time, while he's been in Afghanistan I've been riding with Riderduke. I trust both of them completely. If something happens while I'm riding I know it's nothing they did to cause it. Life is way too short to worry about what may happen. I'd hate to get to the end and realize I could have been having a lot more fun. So enjoy while you can.

 

Margaret

[Mariner Fan]

Well I ride on the back of the bike. I go with the hubby all the time, while he's been in Afghanistan I've been riding with Riderduke. I trust both of them completely. If something happens while I'm riding I know it's nothing they did to cause it. Life is way too short to worry about what may happen. I'd hate to get to the end and realize I could have been having a lot more fun. So enjoy while you can.

 

Margaret

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[Godlover]

I left the decision up to my wife. When a friend's daughter was killed on her cycle - my wife decided to quit riding. I miss the time because with the intercom - we visited more than if we were sitting at home. However, I'm glad - because I was always concerned about her safety on the back of my bike. I guess I'd leave the call up to her.

[barend]

bottom line is: if she wants to ride with you, who are you to deny that? You tell her what to wear?? .....

 

I didn't buy my bike for my wife, she chose to try riding on the back of the bike when she was ready and likes it; I didn't buy my sidecar for her and whether she will ride in it is up in the air, and it don't make one hill of beans to me, if she does: Cool!!, if not: so what? she'll still ride with me. I kind of like her on the back too; extra eyes, pokes and headbuts included!

[midnightventure]

When our kids were little my Dad told me my wife and I were going to get killed and leave the kids orphans. He had a way of being right about things so we quit riding together until the kids were grown. Then when I had my accident I was afraid for her to ride with me for a while. Then we bought all the safety gear and started riding together again. We probably ride together more than ever now.

[b2dad]

When Pat and I had an accident 2 years ago and totaled my '06, I said I would never put her in harm's way again and was ready to give up riding. But she wouldn't let me. She said I couldn't quit riding because of her safety. So...I bought another bike and she's still behind me. Like Mini said...don't live in fear of what MAY happen. Ride defensively. There's alot of good riding out there. We wouldn't miss it for anything.

Don

[painterman67]

Im lucky,

My wife doesn't want to be a passenger except on a few ocasions. She is an exellent passenger and is more comfortable back there than I am with her being back there. Guess this stems from her being a rider. She would rather be on her own bike beside me instead of on my bike behind me.

 

 

But I do understand what you are saying. She is my world. The most important thing in my life.And to lay ythe bike down with her back there would destroy me . Even if she didnt get hurt. But that is her decision, and if she chosses to be back there then all I can do is do everything in my power to keep her safe.

 

 

So just get on and ride . Eventually something will happen to make us all think twice.What you kneed to do ,in my opinion, is set down with your wife and be absolutely honest with her and then except her decision as to whether she rides or not. My wife actually had that conversation with me when she noticed I never asked her to ride with me .I told her that I knew she wanted to be back there on ocassion to take pics, but it quite literally scared the life out of me. She was un derstanding and helped me through my fobia.

 

 

Hope this helps

 

 

David

[Sling]

Peggy and I have been married for 30 years and, after the kids were grown and out 6 years ago, we started riding. It is her decision to ride or not. Never was my decision. But she has told me very clearly that she would not want to be home hearing that something happened to me. She would rather be riding on the back and have us be together. If, God forbid, there was a fatal accident, we would be together in that too. I did take the MSF course and we both wear all our safety equipment at all times. She actually would rather ride on the bike with me than in the truck. Seems that I am more aware of the importance of being safe when I am on the bike! So she says.

Bottom line for us that if I take the bike out of the garage, she is putting her helmet on. We really prefer it that way. (And she is a dang good navigator to boot).

[ediddy]

I know how you feel. My wife has been riding on the back with me since we started dating when we were 15 years old. We are now 59 years old and got married when we were 18. I am extra careful when she is on the back but even that doesn't keep something from happening. It is constantly on my mind about how I would feel if something happened and she was paralyzed or killed. I don't know if I could live with myself but then I also think that I can't be in fear of doing something we enjoy. The only way to be sure nothing ever happens is to never leave the house. One or both of us could be killed in an automobile accident. I know its dangerous but I can't stop living because something might happen. I have discussed this with my wife and she knows the danger but still wants to ride with me. You just have to pray and be careful.

[rickardracing]

My wife rides her own bike, Honda 750 Shadow. She went down last year at 50 mph. I was behind her and I knew she was going to loose it before she went down. This was before we had a cb on her bike, so I could not tell her to slow it down. She went way too fast into a curve, did not lean the bike enough, ran out of raod, hit the shoulder and the bike washed out from under her. I had to swerve into oncoming traffic to avoid running her over. Talk about a helpless feeling knowing this was going to happen within a few seconds and not being able to do anything about it and then seeing it happen. End result.....concussion, broken toe on her left foot and a torn ACL in her left knee. The bike went into the ditch and barrel rolled once and flipped end over end. It landed in a thick briar patch. Took a chunk out of the tank, front fender gone, mirrors crushed, crash bar bent back, crash bar chaps toasted. The crash bar, soft saddle bags and sissy bar absorbed all the impact. Her leather jacket kept her skin on her shoulder and arm and her helmet (trashed) did it's job. She got back on for the first time last week. Everytime she does I get butterflies in my stomach. She now rides behind me so I can control the speed and she has a J&M cb on her bike. She said there was no way she was going to not ride. Bottom line, she's gonna do what she's gonna do. Just do what you can to keep her safe. Make sure she has a good helmet, always wears a leather jacket or synthetic with pads and gloves and boots.

[Marcarl]

It sure is nice to read all these reply's,,,we get to know about each other in some ways,,, kind of neat.

Now I'll throw something at you and you'll have to turn it around and think backwards: so you go solo on your ride,,, not necessarily too far,,,,, maybe just for an hour or so,,,,, you come back home and your wife has slipped and fallen down the stairs,,,,, she may not be hurt,,,, or,,,,, you fill in the blanks,,,, is it any different on a bike.?. Point is, accidents do happen, anywhere and at anytime,,,, and our time comes when it comes, that is not in our hands, but in the hands of our Creator. So don't be reckless, be somewhat careful,,, too careful and you'll over do it, and then leave the rest in the hands of Man that stills the waters.

[Wanderer]

My wife rides with me all the time. We've discussed what could happen and the dangers associated with motorcyling.

I did let her know right up front if I could arrange it, where serious consequences would happen, I'd try to make it so she would go to heaven and I'd be able to ride again.