Aging Quotes

[Nemo]

Birthdays are good for you! The more you have, the longer you live!!!

 

 

Old age comes at a very bad time!!!

 

 

It ain't the Age - It's the mileage!!!

 

 

Any day above ground is a good one!!!

 

 

It's not that I'm afraid to die - It's just that I don't want to be around when it happens!!!

 

 

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live!!!

 

 

If I knew I'd live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!!!

 

 

RETIREMENT: Twice as much Husband - Half as much Money!!!

 

 

But then, my Wife always gives me sound advice - 99% sound -- 1% advice!!!

[Sailor]

" Young enough to do it again, old enough to do it better!"

[dingy]

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

 

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt."

 

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

 

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly-----wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

 

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

 

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

 

Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

 

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these."