For all you city slickers

[saddlebum]

Welcome to Ontario

 

Just in Time for Summer Vacation

 

THE RULES OF RURAL ONTARIO ARE AS FOLLOWS

 

Listen up City Slickers!

 

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

 

2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked.

 

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive

a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're

going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

 

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell

funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like

it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15 & 416 goes north and south.

Pick one.

 

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000

combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

 

6. So every person in rural Ontario waves. It's called 'being

friendly. Try to understand the concept.

 

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does

are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you

don't have it up to your ear at the time.

 

8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi &

caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

 

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season.

It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of

November.

 

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

 

11. There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or you

can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

 

12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats,

vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

 

13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and

served over ice.

 

14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how

to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

 

15. Ontario Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as

the Maple Leafs and Montreal Habs, and more fun to watch.

 

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it

spooks the fish.

 

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and

Community Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a

love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they

come for the holidays.

 

18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don't mess

with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

 

19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't

music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see

your boxers. (Refer back to #1).

 

20. TWO inches of snow & ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation.

Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread,

milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst

case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups

with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the

next day.

 

A true Ontarian will send this on!!!

[SilvrT]

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

 

 

yeah... what is it with these kids (and some of em ain't kids either) that figgure it's cool to walk around with their already oversized pants hangin down so ya kin almost see daylight between their legs??

 

and what exactly is holding them up (or should I be askin)???

[big mike]

yeah... what is it with these kids (and some of em ain't kids either) that figgure it's cool to walk around with their already oversized pants hangin down so ya kin almost see daylight between their legs??

 

and what exactly is holding them up (or should I be askin)???

 

 

Probably 2 sided tape. (hope they shaved:scared:) Oh.....and what's with 'em tryin' to pull 'em up all the time??? Maybe they buy 'em that way because their brains think backwards....most people think of being able to one day fit into a smaller pair of pants, is their goal just opposite?!!?!!

 

Big Mike......who hates seeing butt crack!!!

[similost]

yeah... what is it with these kids (and some of em ain't kids either) that figgure it's cool to walk around with their already oversized pants hangin down so ya kin almost see daylight between their legs??

 

and what exactly is holding them up (or should I be askin)???

 

Remember what our parents said about our bell bottoms????... funny.. when you are young, you didn't understand what adults didn't understand, then once you get older, you can't remember why you don't understand kids today....

Edited May 7, 2009 by similost

[hig4s]

The best line I ever heard for the cap thing was "Turn your cap around, you can't possibly be as stupid as that makes you look!"

[n5zhm]

Hey ya'll

 

Being from Rural Oklahoma myself it's refreshing to know that people in Canada have the same outlook as me. This is great!!!!

 

Gary

[autopilot]

I actually got a young man to stop wearing his pants down off his butt cheeks. I told him that my understanding of that "style" was that it originated in the prison system. The "guys" who wore them like that were "advertising", if you know what I mean! I then said that if somebody gave him a squeeze or a tap on the backside to be sure and think twice before he simply turned to punch them. The guy could be fresh out of prison and "lonely"!

 

His eyes got big, he jerked his pants up and I haven't seen him with his pants anywhere but at his waist, since!

Edited May 7, 2009 by autopilot
spelling

[saddlebum]

I actually got a young man to stop wearing his pants down off his butt cheeks. I told him that my understanding of that "style" was that it originated in the prison system. The "guys" who wore them like that were "advertising", if you know what I mean! I then said that if somebody gave him a squeeze or a tap on the backside to be sure and think twice before he simply turned to punch them. The guy could be fresh out of prison and "lonely"!

 

His eyes got big, he jerked his pants up and I haven't seen him with his pants anywhere but at his waist, since!

That is Ironic because about three months ago I said pretty much the same thing to a bunch of kids in a grocery store with the same results from two of them. Guess the other three were still advertising.