Tips for our riding club with its eating disorder...

[Guest Swifty]

In case you are a newbie to Venturerider.org and/or don't know this already...during this holiday season all ventureriders must follow these tips:

1.) Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday

buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if

you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're

serving rum balls.

 

2.) Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly, It's rare.

You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!

Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as

if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.

It's a treat, enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later

than you think. It's Christmas!

 

3.) If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole

point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on, make a

volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy, eat the

volcano. Repeat.

 

4.) As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim

milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like

buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

 

5.) Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to

control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas

party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

 

6.) Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and

New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing

else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need

after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate

of food and that vat of eggnog.

 

7.) If you come across something really good at a buffet table,

like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,

position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you

can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a

beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never

going to see them again.

 

8.) Same for pies, apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of

each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one

pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more

than one dessert? Labor Day?

 

9.) Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with

the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I

mean, have some standards.

 

10.) One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave

the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying

attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just

around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

 

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but

rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body

thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what

a ride!"

 

Have a great holiday season

[BoomerCPO]

Heck, I know riders who live by those tips year round......:crackup:And have "hidden" belt buckles to prove it!

 

Boomer.....the slim one.

[Vance]

  BoomerCPO said:

 

Boomer.....the slim one.

 

Hey Chief, I noticed you removed the pictures you had in your profile. Hmmmm................

[BoomerCPO]

  Vance said:

Hey Chief, I noticed you removed the pictures you had in your profile. Hmmmm................

 

Check again....Me and the truck are still there.

[BIG TOM]

NOW SWIFTY..THOSE ARE WORDS I CAN LIVE BY...BUT, YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT DID'NT YOU.....

Edited December 17, 2008 by BIG TOM

[Guest Swifty]

  BIG TOM said:

NOW SWIFTY..THOSE ARE WORDS I CAN LIVE BY...BUT, YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT DID'NT YOU.....

yup, but I've noticed my post is just a rerun; Thom440 beat me to the punch days ago. Eventually, I'll catch up..........to you all.............NOT!!!

[mini-muffin]

That's ok some folks don't have long term memory so it's always new to them. :rotf::rotf::rotf:

 

Margaret

[BIG TOM]

  mini-muffin said:

That's ok some folks don't have long term memory so it's always new to them. :rotf::rotf::rotf:

 

Margaret

 

not nice....santas watching:no-no-no:

[BradT]

  mini-muffin said:

That's ok some folks don't have long term memory so it's always new to them.

Margaret

 

So you have met Swifty !

 

Brad

[Gambler]

Does this mean Christmas dinner is at Swifty's house. Thanks Dave, What time are the

neighbours serving them there rum balls

 

Thanks

 

Gambler:banana:

[1sttenor]

Now THAT's what I'm talking about.