Who's got the funniest one liner?

[Dano]

Back in the day when many people smoked cigarettes and Camels were popular:

Nine out ten doctors who have tried Camels still prefer women.

 

My favorite!

[DragonRider]

They are both too hard to pronounce..........:rotf::rotf:

 

 

And so it begins... I'm not Black Owl. That's Cerberus you're thinking of.

 

And although I posted those, I have to admit I laughed harder at most of the ones posted here than the ones from that site.

[hipshot]

"put his brain in a match box and shake it, it would rattle like a BB in a boxcar.":backinmyday:

just jt

[sarges46]

Ok I have two

 

 

All over it like a fat kid on a smartie.

 

Strong like bull.....smart like tractor!

[road dog]

Singlehandedly proving darwin wrong

 

Dumb as a stump

 

Thats what happens when cousins marry

 

Battle of wits with an unarmed man

Edited November 27, 2008 by road dog
forgot a "b"

[hipshot]

don't know "come here, from sick'em"!

just jt:backinmyday:

[StuD]

that's slicker then snot on a door handle.

 

a fool & his money soon part company

 

once he gets an "idea"...he dosen't know what to do with it :canada:

[autopilot]

"you're so ugly, when you were born, they slapped your mama!"

 

"The difference between the military and the Boy Scouts is that the Boy Scouts have adult leadership"

 

"If brains were gas, you wouldn't have enough to power a pisant's motorscooter around the inside of a Cheerio"

 

"Your girlfriend is so ugly, when she cries, the tears run down the back of her head to keep from coming toward her face!"

 

"Yeah, and you can breathe under water too, if you do it really, really slow!"

 

"No, farting is NOT an olympic event!"

 

"See that swamp, that's where your REAL parents live"

 

"What do you mean, oops??"

 

"Keep buggin me about it and I swear, I'll staple it to your leg while you're asleep"

 

He's as nervous as a one legged man in a butt-kickin contest.

 

"One a scale of one to ten, you're still a moron"

 

and my personal favorite, actually witnessed in my neighborhood when I was a kid:

"I don't care if you are Santa Claus, get the heck off my roof!"

[RoadKill]

My Father in law in his 70's and I were at a bar and some how the conversation got around to Viagra and telling him he should try it. I'll never forget his response.

 

" That would be like putting a new Flagpole in front of condemed building"

[Kregerdoodle]

Got it goin on like a pot of neck bones.......

 

he/she, has more chins than a Chineese phone book..

[Dragonslayer]

Taken from here.

 

Not pulling a full wagon.

Not the brightest star in the sky.

The light's on but no one's home.

Not the brightest bulb in the box.

A few screws short of a hardware store.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

A few cards short of a full deck.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

About as sharp as a marble.

Only has one oar in the water.

Smart as a bag of rocks.

A hamburger short of picnic.

The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

A few peas short of a casserole.

A few keys short of a piano.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

As smart as a stick.

Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

Has an IQ of room temperature.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Not the the sharpest tool in the shed

They are depriving some village of its idiot.

A few threads short of a sweater.

Driveway doesn't quite reach the road.

The battery is not fully charged.

Dumber than a bag of hammers.

A few bricks short of a full load.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

All foam no beer.

As smart as bait.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Has a leak in the skylight.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Not all the soldiers are marching in line.

Dumber than paint.

Half a bubble off plumb.

Donated his brain to science before he was done with it.

A few shades beyond blonde.

A few watts short of a light bulb

Running on 3 cylinders.

Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord.

Would lose a debate with a doorknob.

Has an IQ lower than plant life.

All volume, and no content.

Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

The cheese slid off the cracker.

Doesn't have all the chairs at the table. .

A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding.

A few pecans short of a fruitcake.

Would argue with a signpost.

If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you'd get change.

Dumb as a salt shaker.

Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Knitting with only one needle.

The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.

Not the quickest bunny in the forest.

The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed.

Not exactly burning all thrusters.

A few colors short of a rainbow.

The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water.

A few ships short of a fleet.

A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said)

A few noodles short of a chow mein.

A few bristles short of a broom.

Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff.

The relative IQ of a deck chair.

A poster child for birth control.

A few players short of a team.

Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it.

A few sheep short of a flock.

Not the brightest light in the harbor.

One plate short of a tea set.

A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.....

A few slices short of a sandwich.....

A few sausages short of a BBQ

If her IQ was any flipping lower we'd have to water her.

A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage

Waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too much time on your hands.............. You forgot

A few gallons short of a Gene Pool

[Bob Myers]

My normal response when some one asks, "are you busy?"

"I'm busier than a 3 legged cat trying to cover up my mess on a frozen pond".

[sarges46]

Or how about

 

"Lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut!"

[AKRefugee]

Yep, nothin to it . . . just like my hometown

[cecdoo]

My normal response when some one asks, "are you busy?"

"I'm busier than a 3 legged cat trying to cover up my mess on a frozen pond".

 

Busier than a one armed wallpaper hanger with crabs..... Craig

[SilvrT]

he's a good man....but nobody's figgured out what for...

[SilvrT]

You can't spell overreact with out the word ovary....

 

Has a photographic memory, just doesn't have any film.....

 

he has a photographic memory.... but nobody's figgured out how to develop the film.

[cecdoo]

Quieter than a mouse running across an elephants balls, wearing tennis shoes.

[Black Owl]

One tenor short of a quartet....

[davepa]

Who pissed in your cherrios..

 

What is the worse thing you have ever seen ?

 

How about ....a gnats ass stretched over a rain barrel....

[greg_in_london]

Couldn’t teach a dolphin to swim.

Feet firmly planted six inches in the air.

Couldn’t find his a%^e with both hands.

(Person who was sacked) He left one step ahead of the boot.

Not a putdown, but I like this:

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

[krome rose]

Not a one-liner, but what is the point of a sight sign for the library? (The one that shows a person reading and a arrow to the location of the library.)

[Sailor]

Some village is missing it's idiot.

If he had a brain cell it would be lonely.

Grow a brain.

Smart like moose

Who has the family brain cell this week?

[SilvrT]

One step short of a prostitute

[Kurt]

When I die, I would like to go quietly in my sleep as my grandfather did, not screaming like the passengers in his car.